good to be back home again
It's been a while. Lots has happened, frankly i'm a little worse for wear, but it's good to be back here on my blog.
Let's sum it up,
Vicky strauss and i hate each other
Grandma's dead.
Courtney and I are drifting apart quickly
and I'm wondering how much my family really cares about me.
That's that.
I'm kinda like, i dunno. I feel so lonely. Oh and we're definitely staying another year in this hell, but i'm going to Marymount, not ISP.
Everyone i thought cared turned against me, and everything i though mattered, doesnt.
I hate this hell.
At our school, the food chain is you bitch about someone, then turn around and pretend to be their best friend ever. That's how it is, and I guess i have to get used to fighting for what i want. I have to get used to that back-stabbing, bitch school. And get over it. I'm drifting further and further from myself. I think that's the worst part. knowing that every step, every event that happens, I drift farther from my old self. I don't wanna lose that naive, confident, big-hearted little girl I used to be.
I just don't wanna lose her.
I miss her. I wanna see her again. I wanna be her again.
but i'll never be.
I guess that's the thing about pain, it takes away your naivity.
because nothing ever is the same.
And I guess it's weird how close and how far i've gotten to real true friendship here.
I've learned here, It doesn't last.
Nothing does,
love, pain, friendship, nothing stays the same.
And i have to watch everything i do, everything I say.
The cutting's stopped. Like it ever started.
But i dunno. i'm so... lonely, lost, confused and everyone thinks i've changed so much when i've just grown weary of hiding the pain.
I walk through those halls every fucking day and i hold my head high, and stay together, and try to make it through the day, but its getting progressively harder. And everytime i try to stay strong, I fall right apart, and head for the bathroom, lock myself in a stall and cry against the wall.
Because it's a sanctuary, where I can be alone, be okay. I guess that's one thing that never changes.
I dunno. I just want to be okay again.
People glimpse my pain, and people see a tiny bit, but they think that's it. i don't even truly know where all this pain comes from. I don't.
But it comes from somewhere
And no matter how much i smile and laugh, the pain is still there.
And that's it.
Let's sum it up,
Vicky strauss and i hate each other
Grandma's dead.
Courtney and I are drifting apart quickly
and I'm wondering how much my family really cares about me.
That's that.
I'm kinda like, i dunno. I feel so lonely. Oh and we're definitely staying another year in this hell, but i'm going to Marymount, not ISP.
Everyone i thought cared turned against me, and everything i though mattered, doesnt.
I hate this hell.
At our school, the food chain is you bitch about someone, then turn around and pretend to be their best friend ever. That's how it is, and I guess i have to get used to fighting for what i want. I have to get used to that back-stabbing, bitch school. And get over it. I'm drifting further and further from myself. I think that's the worst part. knowing that every step, every event that happens, I drift farther from my old self. I don't wanna lose that naive, confident, big-hearted little girl I used to be.
I just don't wanna lose her.
I miss her. I wanna see her again. I wanna be her again.
but i'll never be.
I guess that's the thing about pain, it takes away your naivity.
because nothing ever is the same.
And I guess it's weird how close and how far i've gotten to real true friendship here.
I've learned here, It doesn't last.
Nothing does,
love, pain, friendship, nothing stays the same.
And i have to watch everything i do, everything I say.
The cutting's stopped. Like it ever started.
But i dunno. i'm so... lonely, lost, confused and everyone thinks i've changed so much when i've just grown weary of hiding the pain.
I walk through those halls every fucking day and i hold my head high, and stay together, and try to make it through the day, but its getting progressively harder. And everytime i try to stay strong, I fall right apart, and head for the bathroom, lock myself in a stall and cry against the wall.
Because it's a sanctuary, where I can be alone, be okay. I guess that's one thing that never changes.
I dunno. I just want to be okay again.
People glimpse my pain, and people see a tiny bit, but they think that's it. i don't even truly know where all this pain comes from. I don't.
But it comes from somewhere
And no matter how much i smile and laugh, the pain is still there.
And that's it.