when shit hits the fan
We made it a month and a half, which in itself is pretty spectacular. I'm not sure what to say about it because I've gone past hyper ventalating with tears and woe is me to feeling a little more homocidal and peeved about the whole situation.
Here's how it goes though.
It started last week when I was left behind for Jake's swimming lesson. I texted both my brother and Megan asking why, though I only got a response from Megan. Mom picked me up on her way down and we went together instead. I made a light comment upon arriving asking that I be told next time when they're leaving. Megan exploded at me about how she shouldn't have to tell people when things are happening for HER (she made THAT point very clear) son. All I was asking for was a common courtsey for being told when things are happening. I was ready to go with them, I just happened to be upstairs on the computer waiting for them.
I don't know about other families but my brother and I were raised to let people know when we were leaving the house, especially when going someone everyone was intending to go to. It just seems like common sense to me. Especially when I'm expected to let them (Norm/Meg) know when I'm home or not, or if I'm going to be even 20 minutes later than I'm usually expected home.
I was ignored for a week. I attempted to make polite conversation but I was ignored or snubbed so to give Megan her space I took my computer to my room. Not like she was allowing me any time at all with my nephew. He'd come into my room, she'd holler for him to come out. I try and talk to him outside, she'd drag him away.
Yesterday it all came to a head. I emptied out the dishwasher, leaving the pots and pans on the shelf because I wasn't sure where they go and Megan is super OCD about shit. I went to my room to toy with my computer because that's what I do. Anyone who's lived with me knows that. Anyone who's spent more than a night with me knows that. I'm fairly antisocial, I jsut prefer to be on the computer rather than interact with others. Especially after i've had to interat with others all day. I'm not an extrovert who NEEDS to be around people. I'm the exact oppisite. I NEED to be alone.
The family comes home and then the banging and slamming starts. I'm assuming that Megan was already in a bad mood but my leaving the pots out? Apparently that just tipped her over the edge. I could hear her ranting and screaming at my brother, with Jakob standing there. So she stormed out the back and I went down to my brother and told him that this isn't going to work. Bad enough to be ignored but screaming about me when she knows I could hear her but not saying it to my face is the hight of passive-aggressive behaviour. I know I can be passive-aggressive though it's a trait I'm working on, but Megan takes the cake.
She came back into while I was talking to Norm and just screamed at me as if I was a disobiedent animal. I decided then that I wasn't staying there that night so I walked away to get Kuri's cage then headed upstairs to put him in it and call my dad for a ride. I'm in tears by this point because I'm already upset about all the screaming and I don't handle being yelled at well. (Does anybody?) I had my door closed but she came in anyway, more screaming at me and at this point I screamed back. Then she ran off to grab a phone and yell at whoever was on the other line about how horrible I am.
I went to grab bags to pack shit in and Norm and Meg both confronted me there. Norm was just silent, more of a mediator while Jake sat on the back porch with a loli. Megan continued to scream and yell at me and I'd just shut down by this point, speaking in a quiet, monotone voice. She stormed out again and I went to my room to pack things, Norm following me up. I started crying and hyperventalating while I was talking to him, trying to explain my side to him.
All her screaming and yelling was about how I'm always on the computer and I'm never around to help in the house and that everything is a mess. Oh, and that she's just lost her brother (he moved to BC) and she's loosing a best friend (who she treated this EXACT same way when they lived together) and her son is about to be diagnoised (we already know my thoughts on that). Those last three have nothing to do with me but I understand they're stressful. I also know I'm always on the computer. Like I said above, everyone who knows me knows that.
I don't claim to be blameless and beneath all her screaming and temper tantrums she has a point. I really could help around the house more but as I told my brother, I have 4 hours to myself in the house. That's not a lot. 3 hours really after dinner and bedtime prep are calculated. I spend all day with people, I just want to be alone. But I really could stand to help out more. The problem is that when I get home, EVERYTHING is already done.
Everything is done to an extreme. I live by the philosophy that things will get done eventually. Nothing short of an emergancy needs to be done immediatly and if I'm tired, well the dust can sit for another day. I take care of my cat, I take care of my own laundry, I put the things I use away. She accused me of having the house be a mess to the point where Jake doesn't want to come home. My mess is kept to my bedroom and the unfinished basement which she's never in anyway. There's a pair of boxes in the upstairs playroom but they're under/beside the computer desk. The only room that's not in a complete disarray all the time is the tv room but there's nothing in there too make a mess off. Jake's toys are everywhere in the playroom and his bedroom always looks like a bomb went off. I don't think mess bothers him as much as Megan would like to think it does. Again, we know my feelings on all these situations pertaining to Jakob.
All in all, I got yelled at and screammed at over things that could be solved very easily by saying "Hey Janine, can you pitch in a bit more?" and the answer would be "Shit, I'm sorry. I'm so tired when I get in from work that I just want to chill but I'll make an effort".
Does that seem like a way to handle things? It does to me. All of the dramatics and exposing Jakob to that kind of scraeming mess could have been solved that easily.
I packed a bag and took Kuri out to my dad's waiting car. I went and told them I was leaving and Megan started screaming again about when I was coming back. I told her I wasn't sure but it would be when Norm was home. That got her even angrier and a lot of 'jsut get the fuck out' kind of behaviour. I was going, realized I forgot Dad's fathers day present so went back up to get it. Megan stormed by me on the stairs and scraemed that i wasn't the only one moving out because apparently her marriage was over. Because its all about Janine isn't it?
Seems to me, that if this is what ends your marriage then it wasn't much of one to begin with. And the only problem with it being all about Janine is, is that that means its not all about Megan.
This has been a rant. If you read, thank you. Wow. I love you.
Here's how it goes though.
It started last week when I was left behind for Jake's swimming lesson. I texted both my brother and Megan asking why, though I only got a response from Megan. Mom picked me up on her way down and we went together instead. I made a light comment upon arriving asking that I be told next time when they're leaving. Megan exploded at me about how she shouldn't have to tell people when things are happening for HER (she made THAT point very clear) son. All I was asking for was a common courtsey for being told when things are happening. I was ready to go with them, I just happened to be upstairs on the computer waiting for them.
I don't know about other families but my brother and I were raised to let people know when we were leaving the house, especially when going someone everyone was intending to go to. It just seems like common sense to me. Especially when I'm expected to let them (Norm/Meg) know when I'm home or not, or if I'm going to be even 20 minutes later than I'm usually expected home.
I was ignored for a week. I attempted to make polite conversation but I was ignored or snubbed so to give Megan her space I took my computer to my room. Not like she was allowing me any time at all with my nephew. He'd come into my room, she'd holler for him to come out. I try and talk to him outside, she'd drag him away.
Yesterday it all came to a head. I emptied out the dishwasher, leaving the pots and pans on the shelf because I wasn't sure where they go and Megan is super OCD about shit. I went to my room to toy with my computer because that's what I do. Anyone who's lived with me knows that. Anyone who's spent more than a night with me knows that. I'm fairly antisocial, I jsut prefer to be on the computer rather than interact with others. Especially after i've had to interat with others all day. I'm not an extrovert who NEEDS to be around people. I'm the exact oppisite. I NEED to be alone.
The family comes home and then the banging and slamming starts. I'm assuming that Megan was already in a bad mood but my leaving the pots out? Apparently that just tipped her over the edge. I could hear her ranting and screaming at my brother, with Jakob standing there. So she stormed out the back and I went down to my brother and told him that this isn't going to work. Bad enough to be ignored but screaming about me when she knows I could hear her but not saying it to my face is the hight of passive-aggressive behaviour. I know I can be passive-aggressive though it's a trait I'm working on, but Megan takes the cake.
She came back into while I was talking to Norm and just screamed at me as if I was a disobiedent animal. I decided then that I wasn't staying there that night so I walked away to get Kuri's cage then headed upstairs to put him in it and call my dad for a ride. I'm in tears by this point because I'm already upset about all the screaming and I don't handle being yelled at well. (Does anybody?) I had my door closed but she came in anyway, more screaming at me and at this point I screamed back. Then she ran off to grab a phone and yell at whoever was on the other line about how horrible I am.
I went to grab bags to pack shit in and Norm and Meg both confronted me there. Norm was just silent, more of a mediator while Jake sat on the back porch with a loli. Megan continued to scream and yell at me and I'd just shut down by this point, speaking in a quiet, monotone voice. She stormed out again and I went to my room to pack things, Norm following me up. I started crying and hyperventalating while I was talking to him, trying to explain my side to him.
All her screaming and yelling was about how I'm always on the computer and I'm never around to help in the house and that everything is a mess. Oh, and that she's just lost her brother (he moved to BC) and she's loosing a best friend (who she treated this EXACT same way when they lived together) and her son is about to be diagnoised (we already know my thoughts on that). Those last three have nothing to do with me but I understand they're stressful. I also know I'm always on the computer. Like I said above, everyone who knows me knows that.
I don't claim to be blameless and beneath all her screaming and temper tantrums she has a point. I really could help around the house more but as I told my brother, I have 4 hours to myself in the house. That's not a lot. 3 hours really after dinner and bedtime prep are calculated. I spend all day with people, I just want to be alone. But I really could stand to help out more. The problem is that when I get home, EVERYTHING is already done.
Everything is done to an extreme. I live by the philosophy that things will get done eventually. Nothing short of an emergancy needs to be done immediatly and if I'm tired, well the dust can sit for another day. I take care of my cat, I take care of my own laundry, I put the things I use away. She accused me of having the house be a mess to the point where Jake doesn't want to come home. My mess is kept to my bedroom and the unfinished basement which she's never in anyway. There's a pair of boxes in the upstairs playroom but they're under/beside the computer desk. The only room that's not in a complete disarray all the time is the tv room but there's nothing in there too make a mess off. Jake's toys are everywhere in the playroom and his bedroom always looks like a bomb went off. I don't think mess bothers him as much as Megan would like to think it does. Again, we know my feelings on all these situations pertaining to Jakob.
All in all, I got yelled at and screammed at over things that could be solved very easily by saying "Hey Janine, can you pitch in a bit more?" and the answer would be "Shit, I'm sorry. I'm so tired when I get in from work that I just want to chill but I'll make an effort".
Does that seem like a way to handle things? It does to me. All of the dramatics and exposing Jakob to that kind of scraeming mess could have been solved that easily.
I packed a bag and took Kuri out to my dad's waiting car. I went and told them I was leaving and Megan started screaming again about when I was coming back. I told her I wasn't sure but it would be when Norm was home. That got her even angrier and a lot of 'jsut get the fuck out' kind of behaviour. I was going, realized I forgot Dad's fathers day present so went back up to get it. Megan stormed by me on the stairs and scraemed that i wasn't the only one moving out because apparently her marriage was over. Because its all about Janine isn't it?
Seems to me, that if this is what ends your marriage then it wasn't much of one to begin with. And the only problem with it being all about Janine is, is that that means its not all about Megan.
This has been a rant. If you read, thank you. Wow. I love you.