Bye Lemonade, Hello Matzoh!
I'm a big quitter and I did quit Master Cleanse on Friday with a nice glass of grapefruit juice and some carrot ginger soup. My restricting begins anew, however, on Wednesday with the arrival of Passover. Yippee!
The arrival of Passover means M is coming to town (tonight, actually) and that I get to spend both seder nights with his family. I'm excited to see them (and I effing LOVE Passover), but they've been through a lot in the past several months and I'm not looking forward to two doom & gloom evenings. Both of his parents and the family dog have been ill, and his grandfather passed away a few weeks ago, so I imagine there won't be a whole lot of joy in the house. I feel really selfish and awful sometimes when I hate on them for grieving, like they are cutting into my happiness or something, but I can't help it. I am also guilty of always imagining this tug-of-war between myself and his parents-- like I have to battle with them for his time and attention. He told me this morning that his mom is picking him up from the airport so that he can help them clean for Passover, and my instinctual reaction was anger tinged with jealously. What's wrong with me? I think I still harbor resentment over last year's episode*, but I seriously need to get over it if M and I are going to have any future together.
I think I also resent that he is closer with his family than I am with mine. And that they are more supportive (financially and emotionally) than mine are. My mom and I are getting to be very close, but my dad and brother came up this weekend and it was painful and exhausting. My dad and brother's relationship has become very strained over the last few years, so my brother kept picking fights with him and generally being an angst-ridden asshole teenager while my dad deflected that by picking on me and criticizing everything I did (parking, cleaning, driving, my laptop, etc.). All in all, a great reminder of why I chose to stay in NC after college. I hate that we're not close, but I'm really struggling to close the gap.
In other (more positive) news, I finally heard back from UNC and I was admitted to their Masters program for the fall. I'm really excited about another 3-70 years in the Triangle, and I'm hoping for great things.
* You know, that time M was in Russia and I spent Passover with his family and they told me they didn't approve of our marriage plans because I'm not Jewish. We broke up two months later. It was awesome.
The arrival of Passover means M is coming to town (tonight, actually) and that I get to spend both seder nights with his family. I'm excited to see them (and I effing LOVE Passover), but they've been through a lot in the past several months and I'm not looking forward to two doom & gloom evenings. Both of his parents and the family dog have been ill, and his grandfather passed away a few weeks ago, so I imagine there won't be a whole lot of joy in the house. I feel really selfish and awful sometimes when I hate on them for grieving, like they are cutting into my happiness or something, but I can't help it. I am also guilty of always imagining this tug-of-war between myself and his parents-- like I have to battle with them for his time and attention. He told me this morning that his mom is picking him up from the airport so that he can help them clean for Passover, and my instinctual reaction was anger tinged with jealously. What's wrong with me? I think I still harbor resentment over last year's episode*, but I seriously need to get over it if M and I are going to have any future together.
I think I also resent that he is closer with his family than I am with mine. And that they are more supportive (financially and emotionally) than mine are. My mom and I are getting to be very close, but my dad and brother came up this weekend and it was painful and exhausting. My dad and brother's relationship has become very strained over the last few years, so my brother kept picking fights with him and generally being an angst-ridden asshole teenager while my dad deflected that by picking on me and criticizing everything I did (parking, cleaning, driving, my laptop, etc.). All in all, a great reminder of why I chose to stay in NC after college. I hate that we're not close, but I'm really struggling to close the gap.
In other (more positive) news, I finally heard back from UNC and I was admitted to their Masters program for the fall. I'm really excited about another 3-70 years in the Triangle, and I'm hoping for great things.
* You know, that time M was in Russia and I spent Passover with his family and they told me they didn't approve of our marriage plans because I'm not Jewish. We broke up two months later. It was awesome.