So Much More (2/2)
In the year that followed, Arthur and Merlin began dating in earnest and it wasn’t long before Merlin was joining Gwen, Lance, Morgana and Arthur for their regular get-togethers. He got on famously with the other three and Arthur was always torn between happiness and jealousy at that. Part of him just wanted to keep Merlin all to himself, but the other, more sensible part of him won out and he ended up just enjoying the fact that he’d integrated so well.
Initially, they took it slowly, seeing each other once every couple of weeks, but that soon changed. After a few months, one or the other of them stayed over at least two times a week - usually more - and it was mostly Merlin staying at Arthur’s, purely for convenience. Arthur didn’t mind making the half hour bus journey out to Merlin’s flat, but Arthur’s was just closer to work for them both.
It wasn’t much of a leap when Arthur asked Merlin to move in and Arthur didn’t think he’d ever been so comfortable or happy as he was with Merlin. He decided that the beauty of them living together was that there were no real expectations. When one of them stayed the night, it had inevitably ended up in them having sex, just because they wanted to take the opportunity whilst they could. With living together, there were many more nights that were just cuddling and holding each other - and it wasn’t long before there were three of them in the bed.
It had been closing in on his birthday - the second one with Merlin around - and Arthur had fallen into the mood that he always found at that time of year. He’d been sitting on the bed, holding Bear carefully and running through his usual thoughts and feelings. On the bed next to him lay the photo album his father had given him as part of his twenty-first birthday present.
The album was filled with pictures of his mother, some of them with his father as well and even one where she held a tiny, blanket wrapped Morgana. All of them were copies of the photos his father kept safely tucked away, but they were carefully chosen and Arthur was always surprised at the amount of time that must have gone into the compilation. Arthur also gathered that Gaius had been very involved and maybe even Morgana - for it definitely had a woman’s touch to it and as much as his father loved him, expressing his emotions was not one of Uther’s fortes.
Arthur traced the photos as he flicked through, running a finger down the side of the wedding photo and the smiling faces of his parents. He studied the look on his mother’s face in her graduation gown and he had already committed to memory the two that must have been taken in a park, his mother lounging across the grass in a sundress, head tilted back and smiling at the sun. Next were ones of the first home his parents had shared and they moved through various events until they reached the photos Arthur really loved.
They were of his mother doing everyday things, like kneeling over a flowerbed in the garden, or doing the washing up, even one of her making cake batter with a young Uther relentlessly trying to get some for himself, both of them with flour and batter smeared on their cheeks and smiles in their eyes. Then there were the ones of his mother pregnant with him, from the beginning all the way through until a week before, where she was leaning over a crib with Bear lying in it.
The last two pictures went hand in hand. In the first, Uther was sitting on the hospital bed beside his exhausted wife, their tiny newborn in her arms as they smiled at each other. The next was that of his mother smiling at the camera, eyes red and puffy from tears and lack of sleep, her hair stuck to her forehead from exertion and her smile open and perfect. Arthur lay in her arms and Bear was nestled in against him.
Whenever he finished studying his mother’s face, Arthur turned to Bear, his thoughts rolling over and over in his mind as he rubbed absently at Bear’s fur. On this occasion, his twenty sixth birthday, he was so lost in thought that he didn’t hear Merlin pad into the room and he didn’t feel him clamber across the bed. He didn’t notice him until he saw a pale hand close the opened photo album and another run through his hair.
He turned to look at Merlin and smiled. He put away the album and climbed into bed, curling around Merlin with Bear sitting at the top of his pillow. Yet again, Merlin said nothing, but from then on, Bear was very rarely put in his drawer - save for the nights where only the two of them were needed.
*
Sometime over the next year, for whatever reason, Arthur thought of his mother’s rings again. It hadn’t come to his mind since he’d been dating Gwen all those years ago and he really didn’t understand what had brought it into focus now. All he knew was that when he was sitting in his father’s office, waiting to have a particular conversation, it was the right decision to make.
“Arthur, what can I do for you?” Uther asked pleasantly, striding into his office and making his way to the desk.
“I want to talk to you about my mother’s rings again.” Arthur said daringly, having to keep his courage summoned. Uther did not like talking about his wife, even if it was with Arthur. Arthur guessed that for a man who seemed to have loved so deeply, the loss was even more damaging. As it was, Uther’s face darkened a little and he stilled though he didn’t completely close himself off.
“Who is it this time?” He asked carefully, his voice measured.
“No-one, and that’s what I want to talk about.” Arthur swallowed. He’d once had a wild idea that he should give the rings to Merlin, but it had made him laugh so much that he couldn’t bring himself to spoil the humour. Uther’s face grew confused. “I don’t think I’ll be needing them and I don’t want them to lie forgotten in your safe. I think you should offer them to Morgana. She’s the closest we have to family and it’d mean a lot to her.”
“You won’t be needing them?” Uther’s eyebrows had shot up, seemingly ignoring the second half of Arthur’s proposal. Arthur shook his head.
“I’m certain that I’m going to be with my partner for a long time.” He couldn’t help the smile that tried to show itself, accompanying the warmth that just thinking about Merlin tended to give him. “I’ve been with him for a year and a half and we’ve been living together for almost a year now. I honestly don’t see myself getting married anymore.”
“And you think Morgana should have the rings?” Uther leaned back in his chair, speculating. Arthur just nodded. “I suppose Igraine was her god-mother and you’re right, she’s practically a daughter to me... Are you certain that you won’t be wanting them this time next year?”
“Very.” Arthur nodded again and allowed a smile. Uther sighed and shook his head slightly, as if in disbelief.
Arthur had always suspected that his father expected him to grow out of his ‘experimental phase’ and in a way, he had - he no longer experimented with girls - but he didn’t know precisely what his father would think of Arthur spending the rest of his life with another man, let alone hearing the words ‘I love him’ insinuated throughout their current conversation. He only hoped his father was as tolerant and accepting as he had been so far.
“Very well, I shall think about it.” Uther nodded and leaned back towards his desk, picking up a pen and signalling the end of their conversation.
Arthur swallowed a sigh and after a moment he stood up, making his way back to his office to finish up for the day. He and Merlin were going to a show that evening and Arthur didn’t want to be late.
*
Over the time he’d known him, Arthur had found himself taking the occasional photograph of Merlin. He had some funny ones of him getting stuck in a tshirt, his arms poking out of the material at weird angles as he fought against it, the cloth pulled up around his shoulders. His ears and his hair were visible from the neck and his ridiculously skinny torso was looking particularly fine. Arthur loved those photos.
There were more from day to day life and some of them both thanks to Morgana. There was a whole saga from a long weekend the five of them had taken, staying in a cottage on the Cornish coast. Gwen and Arthur had mercilessly buried Lance and Merlin, as they’d fallen asleep on the beach, and Morgana had been delighted to be designated photographer. The boys had been completely oblivious the whole time and the look on Merlin's face when he woke up had been worth the hours of silent treatment afterwards.
Arthur’s favourite of all though was of Merlin asleep in bed, Bear clutched close to him as he slept with the duvet pooling around his waist. His face was pressed into the back of Bear’s head and he was curled around the stuffed toy possessively. Arthur had taken the photo for several reasons, but mainly because he wanted to remember the moment that he hadn’t felt jealous or angry over Merlin holding Bear - and Merlin had still never asked about him.
It was as they approached their fourth anniversary that Arthur made his decision.
Since his conversation with Uther several years ago, Morgana had been handed Igraine’s rings and she wore them with pride - the diamond and sapphire design was perfect for her. Not once had Arthur regretted his suggestion and the result, despite the mild tug of wistful longing he’d felt when he’d first heard the news - though he was wise enough to realise that it was just because the rings had once belonged to his mother. Less than a week later, he was already beginning to form a tentative plan that would have to be timed just right. He may not have been able to give Merlin his mother’s rings, but he wanted to do the next best thing.
The night of their anniversary, a year and a half after the initial plan was made, Arthur got home to find Merlin dressed in his pyjamas with ‘Indiana Jones’ on the TV, hugging his knees to his chest. As he got closer, he realised that Bear was wrapped in his arms as well and he finally decided to say something.
“My mother gave him to me.” For some reason, he just blurted it out, standing behind the sofa and fiddling with his keys. Merlin spun round, a little shocked to see him but soon just confused. Arthur kicked his shoes off, removed his jacket and took the seat next to Merlin. “Bear, my mother gave him to me.”
“Oh... Arthur, I’m--” Merlin’s eyes shot open and he attempted to shove Bear over, but Arthur laughed and wrapped his arms around them both. Merlin turned his face into Arthur’s shoulder and mumbled an apology. “I figured he’d been around a long time, but I didn’t realise...”
“It’s okay. Bear has a way with people.” Arthur smiled and let Merlin sit Bear on his knees. Arthur removed one of his arms from Merlin and closed a hand round Bear’s back, looking at him thoughtfully. “My mother died a few hours after I was born, but she’d given Bear to me straight away. He’s the only thing I have that I know for certain she gave to me.”
Merlin didn’t say anything in reply to that and after a moment, Arthur got to his feet and pulled Merlin with him. He turned and grinned bravely as he tugged on his hand. It was easy to be confident now that things were out of his hands and he was relieved, for he’d wanted to tell Merlin for a long time. “Come on, there’s something I want to show you.”
Merlin nodded and Arthur dragged him to the bedroom, sitting him down on the bed and pulling out his photo album. He flicked straight to the photo of his mother pregnant, with Bear in the cradle. He eagerly handed it over to Merlin, who took the album gently and stared at the photograph.
“Arthur, she’s beautiful - and Bear’s looking rather dashing too.” Merlin looked up and smiled one of those smiles where his eyes glittered and the skin around them crinkled slightly. They always made Arthur want to kiss him, but he decided against it at that moment - there would be plenty more for him to indulge in.
“My father didn’t handle her death well, and I don’t remember it but I’ve heard he was hardly around for the first couple of years. The story goes that I used to cry for Bear when I hurt myself and when I was scared and he decided something needed to change, so one day, when Gaius had gone out of town, I just shoved Bear at him and suddenly he was my dad for real.” Arthur smiled, his thumbs rubbing absently at Bear’s paws. “And when Morgana first came to live with us we didn’t talk and we hardly saw each other, but during the first summer, I jumped out at her and she fell out of a tree and to say sorry I gave her Bear, even though she didn’t understand. She said ‘thank-you’ and we started being proper siblings.”
“It sounds like Bear’s got a gift with family issues.” Merlin grinned and Arthur nodded.
“More than that though... It’s weird, but it’s like he’s some sort of test for people, whether I let them know about him or not. I mean, my father and Morgana were the only ones who were ever allowed to hold him.” Arthur shrugged, blushing slightly as the look Merlin was giving him and looking away. “Most of the time, I don’t even tell people about him... Gwen saw him once and asked about why I had him and I didn’t tell her about my mother... But you didn’t even bring him up, just, I don’t know, he just was to you. You didn’t care.”
“So I passed his test?” Merlin asked, the smile back on his face. Arthur laughed and nodded.
“With flying colours.” Arthur grinned and leaned forwards to catch Merlin’s lips in a firm kiss, biting on his lip gently and feeling him smile. He pulled back slightly and turned his attention back to the photo album, turning the page to show a new picture. “I just wanted you to know, so you’d know how much this means.”
Merlin stared at the newest photo and Arthur found that he’d rendered Merlin completely speechless. He slid around behind him on the bed and wrapped his arms around Merlin’s waist, resting his chin on his bony shoulder. He looked down to see the picture of Merlin sleeping with Bear clutched to him and he smiled.
He may not have been able to give Merlin his mother’s rings, but, in some ways, this meant so much more.
---
Fin x. - thankyou all for reading! The comments have been so encouraging and I'm certain that there will be plenty more Merlin/Arthur from me in the future!
Initially, they took it slowly, seeing each other once every couple of weeks, but that soon changed. After a few months, one or the other of them stayed over at least two times a week - usually more - and it was mostly Merlin staying at Arthur’s, purely for convenience. Arthur didn’t mind making the half hour bus journey out to Merlin’s flat, but Arthur’s was just closer to work for them both.
It wasn’t much of a leap when Arthur asked Merlin to move in and Arthur didn’t think he’d ever been so comfortable or happy as he was with Merlin. He decided that the beauty of them living together was that there were no real expectations. When one of them stayed the night, it had inevitably ended up in them having sex, just because they wanted to take the opportunity whilst they could. With living together, there were many more nights that were just cuddling and holding each other - and it wasn’t long before there were three of them in the bed.
It had been closing in on his birthday - the second one with Merlin around - and Arthur had fallen into the mood that he always found at that time of year. He’d been sitting on the bed, holding Bear carefully and running through his usual thoughts and feelings. On the bed next to him lay the photo album his father had given him as part of his twenty-first birthday present.
The album was filled with pictures of his mother, some of them with his father as well and even one where she held a tiny, blanket wrapped Morgana. All of them were copies of the photos his father kept safely tucked away, but they were carefully chosen and Arthur was always surprised at the amount of time that must have gone into the compilation. Arthur also gathered that Gaius had been very involved and maybe even Morgana - for it definitely had a woman’s touch to it and as much as his father loved him, expressing his emotions was not one of Uther’s fortes.
Arthur traced the photos as he flicked through, running a finger down the side of the wedding photo and the smiling faces of his parents. He studied the look on his mother’s face in her graduation gown and he had already committed to memory the two that must have been taken in a park, his mother lounging across the grass in a sundress, head tilted back and smiling at the sun. Next were ones of the first home his parents had shared and they moved through various events until they reached the photos Arthur really loved.
They were of his mother doing everyday things, like kneeling over a flowerbed in the garden, or doing the washing up, even one of her making cake batter with a young Uther relentlessly trying to get some for himself, both of them with flour and batter smeared on their cheeks and smiles in their eyes. Then there were the ones of his mother pregnant with him, from the beginning all the way through until a week before, where she was leaning over a crib with Bear lying in it.
The last two pictures went hand in hand. In the first, Uther was sitting on the hospital bed beside his exhausted wife, their tiny newborn in her arms as they smiled at each other. The next was that of his mother smiling at the camera, eyes red and puffy from tears and lack of sleep, her hair stuck to her forehead from exertion and her smile open and perfect. Arthur lay in her arms and Bear was nestled in against him.
Whenever he finished studying his mother’s face, Arthur turned to Bear, his thoughts rolling over and over in his mind as he rubbed absently at Bear’s fur. On this occasion, his twenty sixth birthday, he was so lost in thought that he didn’t hear Merlin pad into the room and he didn’t feel him clamber across the bed. He didn’t notice him until he saw a pale hand close the opened photo album and another run through his hair.
He turned to look at Merlin and smiled. He put away the album and climbed into bed, curling around Merlin with Bear sitting at the top of his pillow. Yet again, Merlin said nothing, but from then on, Bear was very rarely put in his drawer - save for the nights where only the two of them were needed.
*
Sometime over the next year, for whatever reason, Arthur thought of his mother’s rings again. It hadn’t come to his mind since he’d been dating Gwen all those years ago and he really didn’t understand what had brought it into focus now. All he knew was that when he was sitting in his father’s office, waiting to have a particular conversation, it was the right decision to make.
“Arthur, what can I do for you?” Uther asked pleasantly, striding into his office and making his way to the desk.
“I want to talk to you about my mother’s rings again.” Arthur said daringly, having to keep his courage summoned. Uther did not like talking about his wife, even if it was with Arthur. Arthur guessed that for a man who seemed to have loved so deeply, the loss was even more damaging. As it was, Uther’s face darkened a little and he stilled though he didn’t completely close himself off.
“Who is it this time?” He asked carefully, his voice measured.
“No-one, and that’s what I want to talk about.” Arthur swallowed. He’d once had a wild idea that he should give the rings to Merlin, but it had made him laugh so much that he couldn’t bring himself to spoil the humour. Uther’s face grew confused. “I don’t think I’ll be needing them and I don’t want them to lie forgotten in your safe. I think you should offer them to Morgana. She’s the closest we have to family and it’d mean a lot to her.”
“You won’t be needing them?” Uther’s eyebrows had shot up, seemingly ignoring the second half of Arthur’s proposal. Arthur shook his head.
“I’m certain that I’m going to be with my partner for a long time.” He couldn’t help the smile that tried to show itself, accompanying the warmth that just thinking about Merlin tended to give him. “I’ve been with him for a year and a half and we’ve been living together for almost a year now. I honestly don’t see myself getting married anymore.”
“And you think Morgana should have the rings?” Uther leaned back in his chair, speculating. Arthur just nodded. “I suppose Igraine was her god-mother and you’re right, she’s practically a daughter to me... Are you certain that you won’t be wanting them this time next year?”
“Very.” Arthur nodded again and allowed a smile. Uther sighed and shook his head slightly, as if in disbelief.
Arthur had always suspected that his father expected him to grow out of his ‘experimental phase’ and in a way, he had - he no longer experimented with girls - but he didn’t know precisely what his father would think of Arthur spending the rest of his life with another man, let alone hearing the words ‘I love him’ insinuated throughout their current conversation. He only hoped his father was as tolerant and accepting as he had been so far.
“Very well, I shall think about it.” Uther nodded and leaned back towards his desk, picking up a pen and signalling the end of their conversation.
Arthur swallowed a sigh and after a moment he stood up, making his way back to his office to finish up for the day. He and Merlin were going to a show that evening and Arthur didn’t want to be late.
*
Over the time he’d known him, Arthur had found himself taking the occasional photograph of Merlin. He had some funny ones of him getting stuck in a tshirt, his arms poking out of the material at weird angles as he fought against it, the cloth pulled up around his shoulders. His ears and his hair were visible from the neck and his ridiculously skinny torso was looking particularly fine. Arthur loved those photos.
There were more from day to day life and some of them both thanks to Morgana. There was a whole saga from a long weekend the five of them had taken, staying in a cottage on the Cornish coast. Gwen and Arthur had mercilessly buried Lance and Merlin, as they’d fallen asleep on the beach, and Morgana had been delighted to be designated photographer. The boys had been completely oblivious the whole time and the look on Merlin's face when he woke up had been worth the hours of silent treatment afterwards.
Arthur’s favourite of all though was of Merlin asleep in bed, Bear clutched close to him as he slept with the duvet pooling around his waist. His face was pressed into the back of Bear’s head and he was curled around the stuffed toy possessively. Arthur had taken the photo for several reasons, but mainly because he wanted to remember the moment that he hadn’t felt jealous or angry over Merlin holding Bear - and Merlin had still never asked about him.
It was as they approached their fourth anniversary that Arthur made his decision.
Since his conversation with Uther several years ago, Morgana had been handed Igraine’s rings and she wore them with pride - the diamond and sapphire design was perfect for her. Not once had Arthur regretted his suggestion and the result, despite the mild tug of wistful longing he’d felt when he’d first heard the news - though he was wise enough to realise that it was just because the rings had once belonged to his mother. Less than a week later, he was already beginning to form a tentative plan that would have to be timed just right. He may not have been able to give Merlin his mother’s rings, but he wanted to do the next best thing.
The night of their anniversary, a year and a half after the initial plan was made, Arthur got home to find Merlin dressed in his pyjamas with ‘Indiana Jones’ on the TV, hugging his knees to his chest. As he got closer, he realised that Bear was wrapped in his arms as well and he finally decided to say something.
“My mother gave him to me.” For some reason, he just blurted it out, standing behind the sofa and fiddling with his keys. Merlin spun round, a little shocked to see him but soon just confused. Arthur kicked his shoes off, removed his jacket and took the seat next to Merlin. “Bear, my mother gave him to me.”
“Oh... Arthur, I’m--” Merlin’s eyes shot open and he attempted to shove Bear over, but Arthur laughed and wrapped his arms around them both. Merlin turned his face into Arthur’s shoulder and mumbled an apology. “I figured he’d been around a long time, but I didn’t realise...”
“It’s okay. Bear has a way with people.” Arthur smiled and let Merlin sit Bear on his knees. Arthur removed one of his arms from Merlin and closed a hand round Bear’s back, looking at him thoughtfully. “My mother died a few hours after I was born, but she’d given Bear to me straight away. He’s the only thing I have that I know for certain she gave to me.”
Merlin didn’t say anything in reply to that and after a moment, Arthur got to his feet and pulled Merlin with him. He turned and grinned bravely as he tugged on his hand. It was easy to be confident now that things were out of his hands and he was relieved, for he’d wanted to tell Merlin for a long time. “Come on, there’s something I want to show you.”
Merlin nodded and Arthur dragged him to the bedroom, sitting him down on the bed and pulling out his photo album. He flicked straight to the photo of his mother pregnant, with Bear in the cradle. He eagerly handed it over to Merlin, who took the album gently and stared at the photograph.
“Arthur, she’s beautiful - and Bear’s looking rather dashing too.” Merlin looked up and smiled one of those smiles where his eyes glittered and the skin around them crinkled slightly. They always made Arthur want to kiss him, but he decided against it at that moment - there would be plenty more for him to indulge in.
“My father didn’t handle her death well, and I don’t remember it but I’ve heard he was hardly around for the first couple of years. The story goes that I used to cry for Bear when I hurt myself and when I was scared and he decided something needed to change, so one day, when Gaius had gone out of town, I just shoved Bear at him and suddenly he was my dad for real.” Arthur smiled, his thumbs rubbing absently at Bear’s paws. “And when Morgana first came to live with us we didn’t talk and we hardly saw each other, but during the first summer, I jumped out at her and she fell out of a tree and to say sorry I gave her Bear, even though she didn’t understand. She said ‘thank-you’ and we started being proper siblings.”
“It sounds like Bear’s got a gift with family issues.” Merlin grinned and Arthur nodded.
“More than that though... It’s weird, but it’s like he’s some sort of test for people, whether I let them know about him or not. I mean, my father and Morgana were the only ones who were ever allowed to hold him.” Arthur shrugged, blushing slightly as the look Merlin was giving him and looking away. “Most of the time, I don’t even tell people about him... Gwen saw him once and asked about why I had him and I didn’t tell her about my mother... But you didn’t even bring him up, just, I don’t know, he just was to you. You didn’t care.”
“So I passed his test?” Merlin asked, the smile back on his face. Arthur laughed and nodded.
“With flying colours.” Arthur grinned and leaned forwards to catch Merlin’s lips in a firm kiss, biting on his lip gently and feeling him smile. He pulled back slightly and turned his attention back to the photo album, turning the page to show a new picture. “I just wanted you to know, so you’d know how much this means.”
Merlin stared at the newest photo and Arthur found that he’d rendered Merlin completely speechless. He slid around behind him on the bed and wrapped his arms around Merlin’s waist, resting his chin on his bony shoulder. He looked down to see the picture of Merlin sleeping with Bear clutched to him and he smiled.
He may not have been able to give Merlin his mother’s rings, but, in some ways, this meant so much more.
---
Fin x. - thankyou all for reading! The comments have been so encouraging and I'm certain that there will be plenty more Merlin/Arthur from me in the future!