a bit of critism, I´m really sorry but I couldn´t help...kovodielnikDecember 5 2010, 22:16:07 UTC
I don´t understand Kibum. Once he wants to puke cuz he just remembered his current boyfriend actually forced sex on him(although I didn´t get why he remembered it like three months afer it happened, it would get to him immediately)and next time he´s about to being fucked by his best friend. And then he writes Jonghyun sweet messages and is full of love again. the plot is good and it would be realy amazing story, but did you reread it at least twice? Becouse you skip from scene to scene and at times you even forget to describe the situation or, which is even worse, their feelings and thoughs. I don´t see reason why is Kibum doing what he´s doing, also I don´t understand why is Jonghuyn so ok even though he raped his student and why didn´t jonghyun tell his family yet if they are so open? of course in your mind exist explanations for all those misundersatnding, but we don´t see them, that´s why you have to check your stories once more and add informations you forgot to put in. You need to explain their train of thoughts, otherwise we can´t associate with your characters.
I´m sorry if I offended you, I just hate when people don´t check their stories and I think this what I wrote may be helpful if you won´t get offended :D And if you say you did check it my answear is - not enough ;P
Re: a bit of critism, I´m really sorry but I couldn´t help...twinklespinkDecember 5 2010, 23:32:13 UTC
Really, it is VERY helpful. I actually really rushed through this chapter and knew it didn't make a lot of sense but I posted it anyways just for the sake of having the readers get their weekly dosage. I got influenced by the person I was talking to and her love life and I kinda messed up the chapter because of that. But I will redo this chapter. Thanks a lot, I don't get many readers like you! :]
the plot is good and it would be realy amazing story, but did you reread it at least twice? Becouse you skip from scene to scene and at times you even forget to describe the situation or, which is even worse, their feelings and thoughs.
I don´t see reason why is Kibum doing what he´s doing, also I don´t understand why is Jonghuyn so ok even though he raped his student and why didn´t jonghyun tell his family yet if they are so open?
of course in your mind exist explanations for all those misundersatnding, but we don´t see them, that´s why you have to check your stories once more and add informations you forgot to put in. You need to explain their train of thoughts, otherwise we can´t associate with your characters.
I´m sorry if I offended you, I just hate when people don´t check their stories and I think this what I wrote may be helpful if you won´t get offended :D
And if you say you did check it my answear is - not enough ;P
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I actually really rushed through this chapter and knew it didn't make a lot of sense but I posted it anyways just for the sake of having the readers get their weekly dosage.
I got influenced by the person I was talking to and her love life and I kinda messed up the chapter because of that. But I will redo this chapter.
Thanks a lot, I don't get many readers like you! :]
Reply
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