Everything comes down....
Everything I use to hate became apart of me over time. I don’t know how. I don’t get it. Oh well. Maybe one day it will make sense.
Lately it feels my world is crashing around me. Everything I want turns to hell. If I have hope for the slightest thing possible… it turns around and burns. Maybe I am not supposed to be happy? If I am then fate has failed me terribly. When I talk to certain people… they make me happy with out realizing it… but then those people who make me happy… fail me and turn on me viciously… I don’t know why… maybe I’m not a good enough friend… If that is the case… then that’s to bad… I try being a friend to anyone even if I hate them. Its my nature. But then the people who do talk to me… don’t really realize they hurt me. Even if they think they don’t.. they do… one way or another… I’m breaking down lately and I want back up. My energy is overflowing into the wrong dissection… I really don’t know why I am breaking down… I feel fine most of the time. I don’t want to die. I am happy living. But then.. something in me feels dead. Something that is in my body… in my mind… just feels… Dead. Not there anymore… It feels like its screaming out around me saying, go away, you wont be found again… but then I have hope… then that dies. And then other things crash because of the hope dying. I’m not sure what to make of this… I feel like I’m crazy… I feel like I am a skits-frantic… But then I feel sane… I don’t really know…. Maybe I just need a good mosh pit to get the fuck kicked out of me… or I need to fuck someone up… I don’t know… maybe I just need to stay awake more.
Let me face it… I am tired. Things are going on that I wish would go further but I know I will hurt my self to think it will. I don’t want to jinx my self with the small feeble piece of hope I have.. so I will be quite now about that.. I don’t feel much up to writing anymore… so I’m gong to do something to stay amused
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my song mood...
What do I do to ignore them behind me?
Do I follow my instincts blindly?
Do I hide my pride / from these bad dreams
And give in to sad thoughts that are maddening?
Do I / sit here and try to stand it?
Or do I / try to catch them red - handed?
Do I trust some and get fooled by phoniness,
Or do I trust nobody and live in loneliness?
Because I can’t hold on / when I’m stretched so thin
I make the right moves but I’m lost within
I put on my daily façade but then
I just end up getting hurt again
by myself [myself]
I ask why, but in my mind
I find I can’t rely on myself
[myself]
I ask why, but in my mind
I find I can’t rely on myself
I can’t hold on
To what I want when I’m stretched so thin
It’s all too much to take in
I can’t hold on
To anything watching everything spin
With thoughts of failure sinking in
If I
Turn my back I’m defenseless
And to go blindly seems senseless
If I hide my pride and let it all go on / then they’ll
Take from me ‘till everything is gone
If I let them go I’ll be outdone
But if I try to catch them I’ll be outrun
If I’m killed by the questions like a cancer
Then I’ll be buried in the silence of the answer
[by myself]
[myself]
I ask why, but in my mind
I find I can’t rely on myself
[myself]
I ask why, but in my mind
I find I can’t rely on myself
I can’t hold on
To what I want when I’m stretched so thin
It’s all too much to take in
I can’t hold on
To anything watching everything spin
With thoughts of failure sinking in
How do you think / I’ve lost so much
I’m so afraid / I’m out of touch
How do you expect / I will know what to do
When all I know / Is what you tell me to
Don’t you (know)
I can’t tell you how to make it (go)
No matter what I do, how hard I (try)
I can’t seem to convince myself (why)
I’m stuck on the outside
How do you think / I’ve lost so much
I’m so afraid / I’m out of touch
How do you expect / I will know what to do
When all I know / Is what you tell me to
Don’t you (know)
I can’t tell you how to make it (go)
No matter what I do, how hard I (try)
I can’t seem to convince myself (why)
I’m stuck on the outside
I can’t hold on
To what I want when I’m stretched so thin
It’s all too much to take in
I can’t hold on
To anything watching everything spin
With thoughts of failure sinking in
I can’t hold on
To what I want when I’m stretched so thin
It’s all too much to take in
I can’t hold on
To anything watching everything spin
With thoughts of failure sinking...
Lately it feels my world is crashing around me. Everything I want turns to hell. If I have hope for the slightest thing possible… it turns around and burns. Maybe I am not supposed to be happy? If I am then fate has failed me terribly. When I talk to certain people… they make me happy with out realizing it… but then those people who make me happy… fail me and turn on me viciously… I don’t know why… maybe I’m not a good enough friend… If that is the case… then that’s to bad… I try being a friend to anyone even if I hate them. Its my nature. But then the people who do talk to me… don’t really realize they hurt me. Even if they think they don’t.. they do… one way or another… I’m breaking down lately and I want back up. My energy is overflowing into the wrong dissection… I really don’t know why I am breaking down… I feel fine most of the time. I don’t want to die. I am happy living. But then.. something in me feels dead. Something that is in my body… in my mind… just feels… Dead. Not there anymore… It feels like its screaming out around me saying, go away, you wont be found again… but then I have hope… then that dies. And then other things crash because of the hope dying. I’m not sure what to make of this… I feel like I’m crazy… I feel like I am a skits-frantic… But then I feel sane… I don’t really know…. Maybe I just need a good mosh pit to get the fuck kicked out of me… or I need to fuck someone up… I don’t know… maybe I just need to stay awake more.
Let me face it… I am tired. Things are going on that I wish would go further but I know I will hurt my self to think it will. I don’t want to jinx my self with the small feeble piece of hope I have.. so I will be quite now about that.. I don’t feel much up to writing anymore… so I’m gong to do something to stay amused
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
my song mood...
What do I do to ignore them behind me?
Do I follow my instincts blindly?
Do I hide my pride / from these bad dreams
And give in to sad thoughts that are maddening?
Do I / sit here and try to stand it?
Or do I / try to catch them red - handed?
Do I trust some and get fooled by phoniness,
Or do I trust nobody and live in loneliness?
Because I can’t hold on / when I’m stretched so thin
I make the right moves but I’m lost within
I put on my daily façade but then
I just end up getting hurt again
by myself [myself]
I ask why, but in my mind
I find I can’t rely on myself
[myself]
I ask why, but in my mind
I find I can’t rely on myself
I can’t hold on
To what I want when I’m stretched so thin
It’s all too much to take in
I can’t hold on
To anything watching everything spin
With thoughts of failure sinking in
If I
Turn my back I’m defenseless
And to go blindly seems senseless
If I hide my pride and let it all go on / then they’ll
Take from me ‘till everything is gone
If I let them go I’ll be outdone
But if I try to catch them I’ll be outrun
If I’m killed by the questions like a cancer
Then I’ll be buried in the silence of the answer
[by myself]
[myself]
I ask why, but in my mind
I find I can’t rely on myself
[myself]
I ask why, but in my mind
I find I can’t rely on myself
I can’t hold on
To what I want when I’m stretched so thin
It’s all too much to take in
I can’t hold on
To anything watching everything spin
With thoughts of failure sinking in
How do you think / I’ve lost so much
I’m so afraid / I’m out of touch
How do you expect / I will know what to do
When all I know / Is what you tell me to
Don’t you (know)
I can’t tell you how to make it (go)
No matter what I do, how hard I (try)
I can’t seem to convince myself (why)
I’m stuck on the outside
How do you think / I’ve lost so much
I’m so afraid / I’m out of touch
How do you expect / I will know what to do
When all I know / Is what you tell me to
Don’t you (know)
I can’t tell you how to make it (go)
No matter what I do, how hard I (try)
I can’t seem to convince myself (why)
I’m stuck on the outside
I can’t hold on
To what I want when I’m stretched so thin
It’s all too much to take in
I can’t hold on
To anything watching everything spin
With thoughts of failure sinking in
I can’t hold on
To what I want when I’m stretched so thin
It’s all too much to take in
I can’t hold on
To anything watching everything spin
With thoughts of failure sinking...