Hahahahaha
The events of the last few days have been interesting. We're packing and I hate packing and I hate more saying goodbye to things and places. It will be super weird. But I also like the clean slate deal and starting over and making new memories. It shall be fine. We're trying to psyche ourselves up. Friday is the bigtime move, though we don't have to be out until Sunday. My brother is going to help us move the big furniture. We are slowly but surely getting things packed. The next few night will be hardcore. heh Any helpers would be appreciated. We don't discriminate. You don't have to be super muscular. Look at us, for example. We are grateful for any help at all. :)
However, the last few days have also proved to me just how happy I can be living in the moment. I don't think I have ever in my life laughed as much as I do when I am with Ashley. Seriously, we are fucking crazy together. Most people would think we lost it looking at our typical coversations, the ever so popular scan-and-dance, making up crazy personal lyrics to songs, narrating Phoebe's life and Bird's and Larry's and Bob's, developing crazy characters to slip into on occasion (hahahaha, Marce), and other things I will leave out due to the fact that Ashley and I would probably only feel comfortable enough to do these things in front of eachother. Haaa. One moment laughing and being super silly, the next confiding in eachother our deepest thoughts and experiences, the next having rockin sex.. :) MmmHmm. Love us.
"why do we need to buy charlie when you make me recite it every 6 seconds?" hahahahahaaaaaaaaaa This is oh so true. Sorry baby but I loooove Charlie most when you do it. heh
But seriously, I love this girl and I love laughing so bad it hurts and I love making her laugh so hard she spits out water. Laughing is so very important, and it gets me through my life. We were talking last night about how weird it is that some couples don't laugh and don't talk so much. I just appreciate the laughter and the love that I get every single solitary day of my life.
Sometimes you look at all the shit in your past, all the terrible things that have happened, all the haunting things that still exist, and you can get real shut down. But it's easy to stay open and be yourSELF when you have someone to support that. I am really very lucky and I will never take the for granted.
Moving on..
I had a lovely conversation with the wonderful miss Dottie yesterday. For those of you who do not know of Dottie, she is this woman with clearly mental health issues who has been calling our hotline for years. She says she is being abused but she is so difficult to follow and rarely makes much sense. She came in one time and they said she was really fairly gone and they sent her to her COSA caseworker who is probably her only hope at this point. Well, when I worked in the shelter, I took lots of Dottie calls especially when I would do late shifts. She was always like, "Ohh honey, you sound so sweet. Are you a doctor? Do you have your Master's? What are ya still doin there? Don't you have to eat dinner?" I've heard countless stories of how this woman's husband dunked her baby jesus in water at christmastime and how he's an awful man and about all his ex wives. Truly, I feel very sorry for Dottie, as she is probably telling mostly truths but it's hard for her to verbalize things.
So yesterday my supervisor thought it would be humorous to transfer Dottie to my office phone. This is how the conversation went:
Dottie: Hello? Hello? Hello, who is this?
Me: This is Melissa. Who is this? (knowing full well who the hell it was and wondering how she got my extention)
Dottie: Ohh, Melissa? Oh honey, where you at?
Me: I'm in my office Dottie.
Dottie: Oh. Well honey let me tell you, Tom is being so mean. He's awful, honey. He makes my life miserable and I have to get out. I'm done with this marriage honey. I am. I'm in a motel. Tom put me up in his friend's motel, and she's a stickler for rent, and I don't blame her, but she won't even let Tom stay there. I don't know where to go. What should I do, Melissa? Are you still there?
Me: Yes, Dottie, I'm here. Where are you?
Dottie: I'm at a MOTEL honey. (gettin all pissy-like) But honey, don't hang up, ok?
Me: Ok. I won't hang up Dottie.
Dottie: I called COSA. Can they help me at COSA?
Me: Yes. Call COSA.
Dottie: But they already helped me one time.
Me: And you are entitled to help. They will help you again.
Dottie: But I went back. They won't help me honey. They already helped me before. You see, I've been in this marriage for over 30 years. Tom is just awful, mean. I'm done with this marriage. So you're sayins I should call COSA? They won't pick up. I already called.
Me: It's ok that you went back. It's ok and you still deserve to be safe. They should help you. What number do you have for COSA?
Dottie: What number? Oh, hold on honey, don't hang up. (speaking to someone in the background) Tom, could ya hand me that number?
---at this point I said, what the fuck, Tom is there? how is this woman talking about her abuser when he's right there? I am super confused..in reality I said nothing---
The conversation ended like this:
Dottie: I love ya honey. Oh, I just love you. Will you be there later? Ok. I'll call ya. I love you Melissa.
God, sometimes I just feel at a loss. All I can provide for this woman is someone who will listen and not call her crazy. I love Dottie, in reality. It takes a lot out of you to realize that sometimes you have to let go and understand that what you are doing is all that you can do. I just hope Dottie finds happiness and care someday. I really do.
Ok, concluding my really long post. Rock on if ya read til the end. Love.
However, the last few days have also proved to me just how happy I can be living in the moment. I don't think I have ever in my life laughed as much as I do when I am with Ashley. Seriously, we are fucking crazy together. Most people would think we lost it looking at our typical coversations, the ever so popular scan-and-dance, making up crazy personal lyrics to songs, narrating Phoebe's life and Bird's and Larry's and Bob's, developing crazy characters to slip into on occasion (hahahaha, Marce), and other things I will leave out due to the fact that Ashley and I would probably only feel comfortable enough to do these things in front of eachother. Haaa. One moment laughing and being super silly, the next confiding in eachother our deepest thoughts and experiences, the next having rockin sex.. :) MmmHmm. Love us.
"why do we need to buy charlie when you make me recite it every 6 seconds?" hahahahahaaaaaaaaaa This is oh so true. Sorry baby but I loooove Charlie most when you do it. heh
But seriously, I love this girl and I love laughing so bad it hurts and I love making her laugh so hard she spits out water. Laughing is so very important, and it gets me through my life. We were talking last night about how weird it is that some couples don't laugh and don't talk so much. I just appreciate the laughter and the love that I get every single solitary day of my life.
Sometimes you look at all the shit in your past, all the terrible things that have happened, all the haunting things that still exist, and you can get real shut down. But it's easy to stay open and be yourSELF when you have someone to support that. I am really very lucky and I will never take the for granted.
Moving on..
I had a lovely conversation with the wonderful miss Dottie yesterday. For those of you who do not know of Dottie, she is this woman with clearly mental health issues who has been calling our hotline for years. She says she is being abused but she is so difficult to follow and rarely makes much sense. She came in one time and they said she was really fairly gone and they sent her to her COSA caseworker who is probably her only hope at this point. Well, when I worked in the shelter, I took lots of Dottie calls especially when I would do late shifts. She was always like, "Ohh honey, you sound so sweet. Are you a doctor? Do you have your Master's? What are ya still doin there? Don't you have to eat dinner?" I've heard countless stories of how this woman's husband dunked her baby jesus in water at christmastime and how he's an awful man and about all his ex wives. Truly, I feel very sorry for Dottie, as she is probably telling mostly truths but it's hard for her to verbalize things.
So yesterday my supervisor thought it would be humorous to transfer Dottie to my office phone. This is how the conversation went:
Dottie: Hello? Hello? Hello, who is this?
Me: This is Melissa. Who is this? (knowing full well who the hell it was and wondering how she got my extention)
Dottie: Ohh, Melissa? Oh honey, where you at?
Me: I'm in my office Dottie.
Dottie: Oh. Well honey let me tell you, Tom is being so mean. He's awful, honey. He makes my life miserable and I have to get out. I'm done with this marriage honey. I am. I'm in a motel. Tom put me up in his friend's motel, and she's a stickler for rent, and I don't blame her, but she won't even let Tom stay there. I don't know where to go. What should I do, Melissa? Are you still there?
Me: Yes, Dottie, I'm here. Where are you?
Dottie: I'm at a MOTEL honey. (gettin all pissy-like) But honey, don't hang up, ok?
Me: Ok. I won't hang up Dottie.
Dottie: I called COSA. Can they help me at COSA?
Me: Yes. Call COSA.
Dottie: But they already helped me one time.
Me: And you are entitled to help. They will help you again.
Dottie: But I went back. They won't help me honey. They already helped me before. You see, I've been in this marriage for over 30 years. Tom is just awful, mean. I'm done with this marriage. So you're sayins I should call COSA? They won't pick up. I already called.
Me: It's ok that you went back. It's ok and you still deserve to be safe. They should help you. What number do you have for COSA?
Dottie: What number? Oh, hold on honey, don't hang up. (speaking to someone in the background) Tom, could ya hand me that number?
---at this point I said, what the fuck, Tom is there? how is this woman talking about her abuser when he's right there? I am super confused..in reality I said nothing---
The conversation ended like this:
Dottie: I love ya honey. Oh, I just love you. Will you be there later? Ok. I'll call ya. I love you Melissa.
God, sometimes I just feel at a loss. All I can provide for this woman is someone who will listen and not call her crazy. I love Dottie, in reality. It takes a lot out of you to realize that sometimes you have to let go and understand that what you are doing is all that you can do. I just hope Dottie finds happiness and care someday. I really do.
Ok, concluding my really long post. Rock on if ya read til the end. Love.