catchup
Hello,
Well let's see what's happened since 06 when I last posted.... I went to treatment for Bulimia in November of '08 after leaving Precision Camera after 8 long years of working there. In January of '09 I was hospitalized for a week after one of my best friend's was raped and my Mom was hospitalized for breaking her ankle, on a suicide watch. Two weeks later my Pepe died of cancer, he apparently stopped taking his meds and everyone decided I didn't need to know. Then that same week I got into a bad car accident because my wonderful boss wouldn't let me stay home without being fired. In the accident I broke my back....that was fun. PS Now I have fibromyalgia because of it. Great right! Then in December of 09 I was back in treatment for my ED. Then in the summer of 2010 my friend Megan was murdered by her husband. Then my Meme and Pepe died in the beginning of 2011, in that order. Then my friend Tito died in a car accident. Then recently my friend's daughter was murdered and they still don't know by who. PS throughout all of this my Dad and Brother have been in and out of jail for drugs and my sister lost custody of her Son. So..how do I keep hope alive after all of that? I'm just wondering, because I'm in pain every day and on days I feel better something else usually happens. when will I get a break from all of this? When will I just have a good day with no pain and no worries? Probably when I'm dead. Just saying. I know it's a scary thought but so is walking around all day deciding if you should feel sick because of your meds or because your in pain. Either way not helping. Also trying to get over an ED is much harder when you can't lose weight healthily because of all your meds. I know I get annoying to the people that are around me all the time but there's not much I can do about it because trust me, it's way more annoying to be me right now. I think I'm going to keep up with this journal because it was definitely refreshing to read through and remember when I had dreams and things to look forward to in life. I wish I could go back to before all this happened and do things differently. I don't want to live with regrets and I don't want to hate my life every day. I want to be present and able to be out with people without being uncomfortable either from pain or my self esteem. Is that really so much to ask? I mean honestly, why is life so difficult for no reason?
Well let's see what's happened since 06 when I last posted.... I went to treatment for Bulimia in November of '08 after leaving Precision Camera after 8 long years of working there. In January of '09 I was hospitalized for a week after one of my best friend's was raped and my Mom was hospitalized for breaking her ankle, on a suicide watch. Two weeks later my Pepe died of cancer, he apparently stopped taking his meds and everyone decided I didn't need to know. Then that same week I got into a bad car accident because my wonderful boss wouldn't let me stay home without being fired. In the accident I broke my back....that was fun. PS Now I have fibromyalgia because of it. Great right! Then in December of 09 I was back in treatment for my ED. Then in the summer of 2010 my friend Megan was murdered by her husband. Then my Meme and Pepe died in the beginning of 2011, in that order. Then my friend Tito died in a car accident. Then recently my friend's daughter was murdered and they still don't know by who. PS throughout all of this my Dad and Brother have been in and out of jail for drugs and my sister lost custody of her Son. So..how do I keep hope alive after all of that? I'm just wondering, because I'm in pain every day and on days I feel better something else usually happens. when will I get a break from all of this? When will I just have a good day with no pain and no worries? Probably when I'm dead. Just saying. I know it's a scary thought but so is walking around all day deciding if you should feel sick because of your meds or because your in pain. Either way not helping. Also trying to get over an ED is much harder when you can't lose weight healthily because of all your meds. I know I get annoying to the people that are around me all the time but there's not much I can do about it because trust me, it's way more annoying to be me right now. I think I'm going to keep up with this journal because it was definitely refreshing to read through and remember when I had dreams and things to look forward to in life. I wish I could go back to before all this happened and do things differently. I don't want to live with regrets and I don't want to hate my life every day. I want to be present and able to be out with people without being uncomfortable either from pain or my self esteem. Is that really so much to ask? I mean honestly, why is life so difficult for no reason?