Personal: atheism's impact on me
Something of a ramble, prompted in part by my brother (who has become very committed to his new Christian church over the last few years) wondering why I became an atheist. Thinking about that has made me think about the ways that being atheist has changed the way that I relate to the world and to art.
One of the things that I've noticed is that, as of the last year or so, I've really been unable to connect to the emotion in spirituality-based songs. Pretty much all throughout my transition, I still had been able to feel that emotion even when I didn't believe anymore, but more recently, I've found that I can't relate at all (Conversely, though, I do find myself intrigued and drawn to books about the history and development of religion, more so than when I was religious myself; insider vs a more distant perspective, perhaps).
So many religious songs are about submission in some fashion. About giving yourself up to something you consider higher. And I can no longer relate to that feeling. I don't think there's anything higher and I find the idea of submission personally unappealing. When I was first realizing that I couldn't believe in the God of the Christian Bible that I'd grown up with, I tried to embrace the idea that something like a god - an overwhelming love or an oversoul or something of that nature - was there instead, but I found that I couldn't believe in that, either.
I remember that when I was struggling in the in-between place, I was worried that life would have less meaning if I no longer believed. But life has so much meaning - it's the only meaning that exists (Angel quote: "If nothing we do matters, then all that matters is what we do."). I put meaning into what I believe deserves it - giving to a charity, enjoying a beautiful day, petting my dog, watching an engaging television show, hugging someone.
When I was still religious, but starting to doubt - I found the idea of atheism so scary. And now, on the other side of that transition, I find it so freeing and meaningful and full of hope. It's interesting how perspectives change.
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One of the things that I've noticed is that, as of the last year or so, I've really been unable to connect to the emotion in spirituality-based songs. Pretty much all throughout my transition, I still had been able to feel that emotion even when I didn't believe anymore, but more recently, I've found that I can't relate at all (Conversely, though, I do find myself intrigued and drawn to books about the history and development of religion, more so than when I was religious myself; insider vs a more distant perspective, perhaps).
So many religious songs are about submission in some fashion. About giving yourself up to something you consider higher. And I can no longer relate to that feeling. I don't think there's anything higher and I find the idea of submission personally unappealing. When I was first realizing that I couldn't believe in the God of the Christian Bible that I'd grown up with, I tried to embrace the idea that something like a god - an overwhelming love or an oversoul or something of that nature - was there instead, but I found that I couldn't believe in that, either.
I remember that when I was struggling in the in-between place, I was worried that life would have less meaning if I no longer believed. But life has so much meaning - it's the only meaning that exists (Angel quote: "If nothing we do matters, then all that matters is what we do."). I put meaning into what I believe deserves it - giving to a charity, enjoying a beautiful day, petting my dog, watching an engaging television show, hugging someone.
When I was still religious, but starting to doubt - I found the idea of atheism so scary. And now, on the other side of that transition, I find it so freeing and meaningful and full of hope. It's interesting how perspectives change.
http://butterfly.dreamwidth.org/1303678.html |
comments | Comment at Dreamwidth