Vidding (and various other things)
My birthday is in two days. It's my twenty-third, which, as far as birthdays go, isn't one of the big ones. My mom had this intensely sweet idea of taking me up to Canada as a present, but the cost-benefit ratio wasn't favorable. Instead, we're going to San Francisco (next weekend, the first in December), which is incredibly neato. She got us tickets to see Cirque de Soleil, which is really, really cool. Because I completely and totally plan to go to Canada on my own one day. Becoming a Canadian citizen is actually one of the goals that I have in life. When I'm older and have skills and can speak French, then I will move to Canada and be cold a lot. It's a plan. I hadn't ever thought about going to San Francisco, which actually makes going there a better present, because it will be cool and yet not something that I would do on my own.
Right now, I am in the midst of making another vid. Feeling mildly anti-social has really made me more productive in the vidding area. I have really fallen in love with vidding. It's complex and difficult and incredibly rewarding. It's just like writing, only with the added benefit of hitting the audience with sight and sound. And I definitely think that I'm getting better. More than that, I'm willing to believe that I'm good, which is something that I constantly doubt, with my writing. With the vidding, my only doubt hits after I've posted the vid and before I get the first comment. With writing, the doubt lingers on, no matter how many comments that I get.
A friend recently posted in her lj about the oddness of being gifted, not about being smart, specifically, but about having a brain that works differently than what is considered normal. This, I think, is something that lies behind some of my self-doubt when I write. Because this is one of the reasons that I do have trouble interacting with other people -- my brain isn't wired the same way. With vidding, I feel like that's... an advantage. It helps. With writing, I'm constantly worrying about whether or not something is only making sense in my own head, and that it doesn't make external sense at all. I have the occasional twinge of this with vidding, but it's much more manageable. I'm not entirely sure why.
So many questions, so few answers. But that's not always such a bad thing, in the end.