Internal Debate - not trans related

[butter_n_sugar]

i tried to cancel christmas this year, i'm not christian and not a believer. however, having grown up "culturally christian" i have a great fondness for the carols and the decorations and the presents and the warm cozy comforting feeling that christmas is to me. i wanted to cancel it because it felt hypocritical to participate in this event without a true belief that "jesus is the reason for the season" . But it was making me really sad to think of the holiday season passing me by and me not participating in it. I figured I would just have to bare it. then i talked to my lovely wife , she (who is Jewish) convinced me that this was not the year to cancel, given that i've been kinda in the dumps lately anyway. she says you can decide about that next year. it was a relief...next year, if i want to restructure the holiday season I can but for this year i'm gonna roll around in the xmas joy and soak it in.

on a related note...my wife tells me that i've been squelching my own joy...is it possible to subconsciously do that to yourself? due to circumstantial or chemical depression?