anxious-avoidance - dealt with
A couple of weeks ago, I got a handwritten letter in the mail addressed to my old name.
I carried it in my back pocket for a week or 10 days...then put it on my dresser, then in my sock drawer. I was inordinately worried that the letter would be hurtful or disturbing in some way. So worried, that I just avoided dealing with it all together.
then last night, i overheard the therapist on Obsessed talking to her anxious avoidant client...helping her to sit with "uncomfortable" feelings and the move through them. She talked about letting all of life in, the pain and the joy. the gears started shifting in my own head...I know I'm an avoider, but maybe I can change.
So this morning I got up and before I even got online I read the letter. It was nice. An old family friend who remembered when my mom and dad were together, who had only nice things to say. Who wanted to be in touch with me....that's all it was. She doesn't know who I am now, but that's ok, I can tell her if I want to...or not if I don't. Nothing even painful there....'cept maybe a little sadness that my brothers and mother got to enjoy my Dad when I was too young to do so...but that's all.
Actually come to think of it, I've had two people from that era in my life, reach out to me....maybe i'm not as alone/estranged as I thought.
anyway....click one for me...i'm getting stuff done, instead of worrying about it.
I carried it in my back pocket for a week or 10 days...then put it on my dresser, then in my sock drawer. I was inordinately worried that the letter would be hurtful or disturbing in some way. So worried, that I just avoided dealing with it all together.
then last night, i overheard the therapist on Obsessed talking to her anxious avoidant client...helping her to sit with "uncomfortable" feelings and the move through them. She talked about letting all of life in, the pain and the joy. the gears started shifting in my own head...I know I'm an avoider, but maybe I can change.
So this morning I got up and before I even got online I read the letter. It was nice. An old family friend who remembered when my mom and dad were together, who had only nice things to say. Who wanted to be in touch with me....that's all it was. She doesn't know who I am now, but that's ok, I can tell her if I want to...or not if I don't. Nothing even painful there....'cept maybe a little sadness that my brothers and mother got to enjoy my Dad when I was too young to do so...but that's all.
Actually come to think of it, I've had two people from that era in my life, reach out to me....maybe i'm not as alone/estranged as I thought.
anyway....click one for me...i'm getting stuff done, instead of worrying about it.