i'm really living on my own
for swimming updates, see previous entry, which i've added to belatedly.
i've arranged my schedule so that i'll be able to go home for a long weekend. my aunts will pick me up on thursday afternoon. friday i'll help my family set up for my sister alaina's high school graduation party, which is on saturday. friday night we're taking my grandma out for her 85th birthday, saturday is alaina's party, and sunday is the annual family reunion/4th of july party. i'll take a train back to either albany or pittsfield on monday. i'm so psyched! lots of parties, lots of family, lots of good food.
i talked to my mom the other night; we're in agreement that it was time for me to live on my own and that it's a good thing. sometimes, like right now for example, i feel barely mature enough for this, like i'm just keeping my head above water by luck. other times i've felt confident and capable; the reality, as always, is probably somewhere in the middle. for sure, i wasn't prepared at all for a working life, and i can see that it'll get to be a drag in the future if i don't take care of myself mentally, but for now it's working out for me.
i don't really know what i'm doing. does anybody?
often i don't really think about what i'm actually doing. it's like the enormity of being totally responsible for myself is too big to look at except in small slices, and in the small slices of getting to work on time (i manage it most days), feeding myself, getting enough sleep, doing laundry, etc. i seem to be doing ok. if i stop to think about how much my life has changed since this time last year, it's overwhelming. i'm swimming in the sea of overwhelming now (part of that is that i've been up since 5:30, i'm sure), and this long weekend will be so helpful for my sanity.
wow, i didn't even know my sanity was as tenuous as it seems to be until i wrote that sentence. bed early for me tonight.
i've arranged my schedule so that i'll be able to go home for a long weekend. my aunts will pick me up on thursday afternoon. friday i'll help my family set up for my sister alaina's high school graduation party, which is on saturday. friday night we're taking my grandma out for her 85th birthday, saturday is alaina's party, and sunday is the annual family reunion/4th of july party. i'll take a train back to either albany or pittsfield on monday. i'm so psyched! lots of parties, lots of family, lots of good food.
i talked to my mom the other night; we're in agreement that it was time for me to live on my own and that it's a good thing. sometimes, like right now for example, i feel barely mature enough for this, like i'm just keeping my head above water by luck. other times i've felt confident and capable; the reality, as always, is probably somewhere in the middle. for sure, i wasn't prepared at all for a working life, and i can see that it'll get to be a drag in the future if i don't take care of myself mentally, but for now it's working out for me.
i don't really know what i'm doing. does anybody?
often i don't really think about what i'm actually doing. it's like the enormity of being totally responsible for myself is too big to look at except in small slices, and in the small slices of getting to work on time (i manage it most days), feeding myself, getting enough sleep, doing laundry, etc. i seem to be doing ok. if i stop to think about how much my life has changed since this time last year, it's overwhelming. i'm swimming in the sea of overwhelming now (part of that is that i've been up since 5:30, i'm sure), and this long weekend will be so helpful for my sanity.
wow, i didn't even know my sanity was as tenuous as it seems to be until i wrote that sentence. bed early for me tonight.