Hermione Sue
I originally made this for the Ten Page Essay website, back before it was hosted on Livejournal. Then I posted it here, friends only, about a year ago and have now decided to post it again for everyone. I updated this with better, cleaner screen caps (except for the animated ones, sorry) and I updated some of the comments. I hope you find it amusing! Feel free to add it to your memories/bookmarks; I won't be deleting it.
Though I made this many years ago, I still find it to be true: PoA!Hermione = crap. I'm very tempted to make another one, probably for GoF. If enough people are interested, I might try to make it. Nah, forget about it. :P
Ron: Harry!
Hermione: Harry!
Ron: *louder* Harry!
Hermione: *louder* Harry!
Ron: Gosh Hermione, you can never let me say anything without you adding something, huh?
Hermione: *breaks out in a Harry filled song*
Hermione: So anyway, I think I've scored the most lines in this movie...
Ron: How many do I get?
Harry: Hehe, you don't want to know.
Hermione: I'm sorry to say, Harry, but you aren't the lead anymore.
Ron: How does she get away with this?!
Ron: Shove off Malfoy!
Hermione: Die Malfoy! *kicks back her chair* I'll kick your ass and then some! I'll make you wish you still had slicked back hair! I'll open a can of whoopass on you biznitch! You want this?! You want this?!
Ron: *cries* She overpowered me AGAIN!
Harry: So. It was nice speaking to you as usual Malfoy.
Hermione: *smirks* Look at this idiot.
Ron: So what are you saying? A wonky cross means "your bitchy friend is going to fire you and make you a garbage man"?
Hermione: *smirks more* Not right!
Ron: Wait ... Head of Garbage Disposal???
Hermione: *GASP*
Hermione: Just walk away.
Harry: Why won't you let me fight my own battles?
Hermione: Because you don't sneer as good as I do. *sneers*
Hermione: *beams* I'm getting this special closeup for no actual reason.
Ron: Bitch, I know you ain't all up on my arm.
Hermione: Oh ... my ... god. I need disinfectant! I can't believe I touched the garbage man!
Hermione: Hagrid! He has to be taken to the hospital!
Hagrid: DUHHHHHHH.
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Hermione: *puts newspaper in front of random black dude* Read, my brotha!
Random Black Dude: Are you fucking kidding me?
Hermione: Bye Harry!
Harry: Bye Hermione.
Hermione: See you!
Harry: Goodbye Hermione.
Hermione: I'll never forget you!
Harry: GO AWAY HERMIONE!!
Harry: What's going on here?
Ron: Can ... can you scoot over some? I ... I can't ...
Hermione: *leans over so Ron has little space* I am simply appalled with the administration system. I demand some information, right now. Humph.
Hermione: But Professor, I can't be wrong. I know more than you, more than anyone in here. Hell, I know more than Rowling herself, that's how much I know.
Harry: *shrugs* You may as well go with it. :\
Hermione: Go Harry! You're the best! This is your fangirl Granger in the hizzouse! DON'T FORGET IT!
Ron: Hermione, where'd you get the gangsta cap?
Seamus: She got it from me, in exchange for her makeup! She applied it for me! Smudgeproof!
Ron: Sweet! You're alive!!
Twins: That's our boy!
Neville: I'm not good at applying self tanner ... but I still look cool, right?
Seamus: Hey Hermione, got anything to say?
Hermione: *sniffs* Oh. So you lived. *shrugs* That's fine ... just great. Damn it!
Harry: God that sucked.
Ron: Hey mate, is there anything you need? A blanket or something? I could ... I ...
Hermione: *loudly* Oh Harry, anything, anything you need ... your true numba one BFF will do it!
Ron: *cries*
Random Black Girl: *beatboxes*
Hermione: *rapping* You may have seen this as an invite, but I see it like a bitch fight, you betta back up and check yo'self before you go up and wreck yo'self. Word to yo' mutha.
Ron: Yeah, I don't get it either.
Harry: HAHA OMFG THIS IS SO FUNNY!
Hermione: Ordinarily I'd reprimand you but since this isn't canon, I don't care! HAAH!
Ron: Harry. James. Potter. I AM NOT AMUSED YOUNG MAN! YOU COULD HAVE GOTTEN CAUGHT! *grumble grumble*
Harry: *crying*
Ron: Hermione, no! Let a man cry privately!
Hermione: No, he needs me, ever so dearly. And I will not let him down!!!!
Harry: *cries more*
Hermione: Oh Harry, I'm so sorry. Would you like me to kick Sirius' ass for you? I am, after all, you're very best and only friend ...
Ron: *panics* There is an invisible wall preventing me from coming to you Harry!
Hermione: *laughs evilly*
Hermione: So, Ron. You want to discuss your miniscule role in PoA, do you?
Ron: Um, well yes. In the original script, I'm the, er, "numba one homeboy". And well, since you rewrote the whole thing, I'm barely in here. And if I am, I'm played as a push over. Can this be fixed?
Hermione: Hmm. I'll think about it. *plots death*
Harry: *beatboxes*
Hermione: Hmm. So Ronald wants a more important role, does he?
Ron: *apprehensive* Um, yes, he does.
Hermione: Well, Hermione thinks Ron should go find a tree and hump it because he's not important.
Ron: *cries*
Ron: OH DEAR GOD! I had a nightmare that Hermione rewrote the entire script and made me a complete pushover and made me look like I wasn't your best friend!!!
Harry: Nope. She really did that.
Ron: OMFG!!!!!!
Hermione: Come on, follow me. I know where to go!
Harry: Wait, this is my movie, shouldn't I lead?
Ron: Am I in the shot????
Hermione: Ugh, why didn't Ron get lost?
Ron: *pouts* How come nobody loves me?
Harry: OMG, a fruit snack! *takes*
Harry: Hermione. For the love of god, be rational! You are too strong!!! Retreat!!!
Hermione: Harry, you're right. I am just too powerful. I am the girl who lived. Cue the flowing hair!
Ron: Geez, Hermione. Why do you hate everyone in the movie? Why are you so hurtful? Why ... OMG I'm in a shot!!!!
Hermione: WTF are you still doing here?
Ron: Er, I forgot to get my rat!
Hermione: But this means you're in a scene! WE CAN'T BE HAVING THAT!
Ron: *cries*
Hermione: Once again, my almighty girl power senses are telling me something.
Ron: Maybe we should head out, we could be in danger.
Hermione: Hmm, maybe we should head out, we could be in danger!
Harry: Is that the final plan???
Ron: *cries* She stole my line again!
Hermione: Oh god. They took my haircare products!
Harry: It's OK, you can borrow mine.
Ron: This is pretty much the worst day of my life.
Harry: RON!!!!!!!
Hermione: *sinister laugh* Let him DIE.
Hermione: Now it's time for my action sequence! If you know what I'm sayin' and you know I ain't playin'. Word to yo' mutha. I'm hard like wut.
Hermione: Ooh, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to land so unceremoniously on you.
Harry: Yeah, whatever. Get off of me.
Harry: Hermione, let me go, we don't need to be all over each other all the time!
Hermione: Oh, we have no choice. We're attached at the hip.
Harry: What are you talking about? *looks down* NO!!!!
Hermione: Stay back Harry. I'll take care of this.
Harry: *moves back* That's right! She gonna whoop yo' ASSIZZLE!
Ron: Mm. Fruit snacks ... OMG AM I IN THE SHOT????
Hermione: You won't hurt Harry, he's too delicate! You must fight me. *dramatic music*
Harry: I'm ... I'm not delicate ... I .. I.
Hermione: Shut up, you are not allowed to speak when it's my part of the movie.
Ron (in background): *yawns* When is it not your part of the movie? Fuckin' bitch.
Hermione: *throws Harry behind her* You were his friend?! Do you know how much this affects me and my well-being?!
Harry: What about me?
Hermione: Who are you again? Oh, that's right, who cares.
Ron (in background): Anytime, throw me a closeup shot. A line. Anything. *sniffs*
Hermione: *speaking motherly* It's OK werewolf. I'm Hermione. There is no need to attack me. I am your friend.
Harry: *muttering* Run. Away. She'll steal your lines!
Ron: Hermione, you idiot, you don't go talking to a freakin' ... oh wait, I'm in the shot! YES!
Hermione: Harry, I have all the information because I was clued in.
Harry: When were you clued in? Why doesn't anyone tell me anything? It's my freakin' story!
Hermione: Oh. I guess they didn't tell you that it's now Hermione Granger and the Prisoner of Azkaban.
Hermione: *smile* I have such a good punch.
Harry: Wow, you do. And check out that ass! Now that's what I'm talkin' about!
Hermione: Ow, my head hurts. I think my ego is inflating again...
Harry: Hermione, WTF?
Hermione: You're pants are too low, you weren't born in the bloody ghetto, were you?
Harry: You're invading my personal space!
Hermione: Harry, when you're doing a fashion don't, there is no such thing as personal space.
Harry: Fashion? You and fashion?
Hermione: YES, ME AND FASHION! HAVE YOU FORGOTTEN WHO I AM?!?!
Harry: *cowers*
Hermione: A rock. This means something...
Harry: Hermione! Why don't you throw it!
Hermione: No. Ooh, I have an idea, how about I throw it!
Harry: Oh, come on now.
Hermione: Is that really what my hair looks like from the back? I need some highlights!
Harry: Who are you, bloody Paris Hilton or some shit?
Hermione: Bitch, please! I'm so much hotter than her!
Hermione: Ah-wooooooo! Ah-wooooooooooo!
Harry: What are you doing?! The freakin' werewolf will come towards us now!
Hermione: No, it won't!
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Werewolf: *runs towards them*
Hermione: Oh, shit!
Harry: *calls after her* Should I run too? Hermione, answer me! I can't move without your say so!
Harry: Can I do it?
Hermione: Harry ... no, please no!
Harry: *breathes in*
Hermione: Harry ... do it and DIE!
Harry: I'M KING OF THE WORLLLLD!
Hermione: *kicks him off* Finally, now that he's out of the way ... *fixes hair*
Sirius: You really are the brightest witch of your age.
Hermione: And?
Sirius: And so very beautiful.
Hermione: And?
Sirius: You have brilliant fashion sense.
Hermione: And?
Sirius: You're hella scary.
Hermione: And don't forget it, bitch.
Ron: Where the hell were you?!
Harry: We should tell him. He is my BFF.
Hermione: Harry, I brought you back from the dead. No more favors. Just laugh.
Harry: K. *laughs*
Hermione: *laughs evilly*
Ron: WHY AM I NEVER TOLD ANYTHING?!
Hermione: Look Harry!
Harry: *teehee*
Ron: I have no idea what's going on. *bawls*
Hermione: *tickles Harry's nose* Maybe you'll sneeze and DIE.
Hermione: WTF?!?!?!?
Harry: OMG, it's still called Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban!
Hermione: But I changed it! *stomps around*
Ron: Um, as payback for totally screwing me over, can we call it Ron Weasley and the Prisoner of Azkaban?
Harry: Hey, I like that! BFF FO LYF!
Hermione: *plots death* Steve Kloves, where are you? You know how to jack someone up royally...*hunts*
Though I made this many years ago, I still find it to be true: PoA!Hermione = crap. I'm very tempted to make another one, probably for GoF. If enough people are interested, I might try to make it. Nah, forget about it. :P
Ron: Harry!
Hermione: Harry!
Ron: *louder* Harry!
Hermione: *louder* Harry!
Ron: Gosh Hermione, you can never let me say anything without you adding something, huh?
Hermione: *breaks out in a Harry filled song*
Hermione: So anyway, I think I've scored the most lines in this movie...
Ron: How many do I get?
Harry: Hehe, you don't want to know.
Hermione: I'm sorry to say, Harry, but you aren't the lead anymore.
Ron: How does she get away with this?!
Ron: Shove off Malfoy!
Hermione: Die Malfoy! *kicks back her chair* I'll kick your ass and then some! I'll make you wish you still had slicked back hair! I'll open a can of whoopass on you biznitch! You want this?! You want this?!
Ron: *cries* She overpowered me AGAIN!
Harry: So. It was nice speaking to you as usual Malfoy.
Hermione: *smirks* Look at this idiot.
Ron: So what are you saying? A wonky cross means "your bitchy friend is going to fire you and make you a garbage man"?
Hermione: *smirks more* Not right!
Ron: Wait ... Head of Garbage Disposal???
Hermione: *GASP*
Hermione: Just walk away.
Harry: Why won't you let me fight my own battles?
Hermione: Because you don't sneer as good as I do. *sneers*
Hermione: *beams* I'm getting this special closeup for no actual reason.
Ron: Bitch, I know you ain't all up on my arm.
Hermione: Oh ... my ... god. I need disinfectant! I can't believe I touched the garbage man!
Hermione: Hagrid! He has to be taken to the hospital!
Hagrid: DUHHHHHHH.
Click to reload in new window.
Hermione: *puts newspaper in front of random black dude* Read, my brotha!
Random Black Dude: Are you fucking kidding me?
Hermione: Bye Harry!
Harry: Bye Hermione.
Hermione: See you!
Harry: Goodbye Hermione.
Hermione: I'll never forget you!
Harry: GO AWAY HERMIONE!!
Harry: What's going on here?
Ron: Can ... can you scoot over some? I ... I can't ...
Hermione: *leans over so Ron has little space* I am simply appalled with the administration system. I demand some information, right now. Humph.
Hermione: But Professor, I can't be wrong. I know more than you, more than anyone in here. Hell, I know more than Rowling herself, that's how much I know.
Harry: *shrugs* You may as well go with it. :\
Hermione: Go Harry! You're the best! This is your fangirl Granger in the hizzouse! DON'T FORGET IT!
Ron: Hermione, where'd you get the gangsta cap?
Seamus: She got it from me, in exchange for her makeup! She applied it for me! Smudgeproof!
Ron: Sweet! You're alive!!
Twins: That's our boy!
Neville: I'm not good at applying self tanner ... but I still look cool, right?
Seamus: Hey Hermione, got anything to say?
Hermione: *sniffs* Oh. So you lived. *shrugs* That's fine ... just great. Damn it!
Harry: God that sucked.
Ron: Hey mate, is there anything you need? A blanket or something? I could ... I ...
Hermione: *loudly* Oh Harry, anything, anything you need ... your true numba one BFF will do it!
Ron: *cries*
Random Black Girl: *beatboxes*
Hermione: *rapping* You may have seen this as an invite, but I see it like a bitch fight, you betta back up and check yo'self before you go up and wreck yo'self. Word to yo' mutha.
Ron: Yeah, I don't get it either.
Harry: HAHA OMFG THIS IS SO FUNNY!
Hermione: Ordinarily I'd reprimand you but since this isn't canon, I don't care! HAAH!
Ron: Harry. James. Potter. I AM NOT AMUSED YOUNG MAN! YOU COULD HAVE GOTTEN CAUGHT! *grumble grumble*
Harry: *crying*
Ron: Hermione, no! Let a man cry privately!
Hermione: No, he needs me, ever so dearly. And I will not let him down!!!!
Harry: *cries more*
Hermione: Oh Harry, I'm so sorry. Would you like me to kick Sirius' ass for you? I am, after all, you're very best and only friend ...
Ron: *panics* There is an invisible wall preventing me from coming to you Harry!
Hermione: *laughs evilly*
Hermione: So, Ron. You want to discuss your miniscule role in PoA, do you?
Ron: Um, well yes. In the original script, I'm the, er, "numba one homeboy". And well, since you rewrote the whole thing, I'm barely in here. And if I am, I'm played as a push over. Can this be fixed?
Hermione: Hmm. I'll think about it. *plots death*
Harry: *beatboxes*
Hermione: Hmm. So Ronald wants a more important role, does he?
Ron: *apprehensive* Um, yes, he does.
Hermione: Well, Hermione thinks Ron should go find a tree and hump it because he's not important.
Ron: *cries*
Ron: OH DEAR GOD! I had a nightmare that Hermione rewrote the entire script and made me a complete pushover and made me look like I wasn't your best friend!!!
Harry: Nope. She really did that.
Ron: OMFG!!!!!!
Hermione: Come on, follow me. I know where to go!
Harry: Wait, this is my movie, shouldn't I lead?
Ron: Am I in the shot????
Hermione: Ugh, why didn't Ron get lost?
Ron: *pouts* How come nobody loves me?
Harry: OMG, a fruit snack! *takes*
Harry: Hermione. For the love of god, be rational! You are too strong!!! Retreat!!!
Hermione: Harry, you're right. I am just too powerful. I am the girl who lived. Cue the flowing hair!
Ron: Geez, Hermione. Why do you hate everyone in the movie? Why are you so hurtful? Why ... OMG I'm in a shot!!!!
Hermione: WTF are you still doing here?
Ron: Er, I forgot to get my rat!
Hermione: But this means you're in a scene! WE CAN'T BE HAVING THAT!
Ron: *cries*
Hermione: Once again, my almighty girl power senses are telling me something.
Ron: Maybe we should head out, we could be in danger.
Hermione: Hmm, maybe we should head out, we could be in danger!
Harry: Is that the final plan???
Ron: *cries* She stole my line again!
Hermione: Oh god. They took my haircare products!
Harry: It's OK, you can borrow mine.
Ron: This is pretty much the worst day of my life.
Harry: RON!!!!!!!
Hermione: *sinister laugh* Let him DIE.
Hermione: Now it's time for my action sequence! If you know what I'm sayin' and you know I ain't playin'. Word to yo' mutha. I'm hard like wut.
Hermione: Ooh, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to land so unceremoniously on you.
Harry: Yeah, whatever. Get off of me.
Harry: Hermione, let me go, we don't need to be all over each other all the time!
Hermione: Oh, we have no choice. We're attached at the hip.
Harry: What are you talking about? *looks down* NO!!!!
Hermione: Stay back Harry. I'll take care of this.
Harry: *moves back* That's right! She gonna whoop yo' ASSIZZLE!
Ron: Mm. Fruit snacks ... OMG AM I IN THE SHOT????
Hermione: You won't hurt Harry, he's too delicate! You must fight me. *dramatic music*
Harry: I'm ... I'm not delicate ... I .. I.
Hermione: Shut up, you are not allowed to speak when it's my part of the movie.
Ron (in background): *yawns* When is it not your part of the movie? Fuckin' bitch.
Hermione: *throws Harry behind her* You were his friend?! Do you know how much this affects me and my well-being?!
Harry: What about me?
Hermione: Who are you again? Oh, that's right, who cares.
Ron (in background): Anytime, throw me a closeup shot. A line. Anything. *sniffs*
Hermione: *speaking motherly* It's OK werewolf. I'm Hermione. There is no need to attack me. I am your friend.
Harry: *muttering* Run. Away. She'll steal your lines!
Ron: Hermione, you idiot, you don't go talking to a freakin' ... oh wait, I'm in the shot! YES!
Hermione: Harry, I have all the information because I was clued in.
Harry: When were you clued in? Why doesn't anyone tell me anything? It's my freakin' story!
Hermione: Oh. I guess they didn't tell you that it's now Hermione Granger and the Prisoner of Azkaban.
Hermione: *smile* I have such a good punch.
Harry: Wow, you do. And check out that ass! Now that's what I'm talkin' about!
Hermione: Ow, my head hurts. I think my ego is inflating again...
Harry: Hermione, WTF?
Hermione: You're pants are too low, you weren't born in the bloody ghetto, were you?
Harry: You're invading my personal space!
Hermione: Harry, when you're doing a fashion don't, there is no such thing as personal space.
Harry: Fashion? You and fashion?
Hermione: YES, ME AND FASHION! HAVE YOU FORGOTTEN WHO I AM?!?!
Harry: *cowers*
Hermione: A rock. This means something...
Harry: Hermione! Why don't you throw it!
Hermione: No. Ooh, I have an idea, how about I throw it!
Harry: Oh, come on now.
Hermione: Is that really what my hair looks like from the back? I need some highlights!
Harry: Who are you, bloody Paris Hilton or some shit?
Hermione: Bitch, please! I'm so much hotter than her!
Hermione: Ah-wooooooo! Ah-wooooooooooo!
Harry: What are you doing?! The freakin' werewolf will come towards us now!
Hermione: No, it won't!
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Werewolf: *runs towards them*
Hermione: Oh, shit!
Harry: *calls after her* Should I run too? Hermione, answer me! I can't move without your say so!
Harry: Can I do it?
Hermione: Harry ... no, please no!
Harry: *breathes in*
Hermione: Harry ... do it and DIE!
Harry: I'M KING OF THE WORLLLLD!
Hermione: *kicks him off* Finally, now that he's out of the way ... *fixes hair*
Sirius: You really are the brightest witch of your age.
Hermione: And?
Sirius: And so very beautiful.
Hermione: And?
Sirius: You have brilliant fashion sense.
Hermione: And?
Sirius: You're hella scary.
Hermione: And don't forget it, bitch.
Ron: Where the hell were you?!
Harry: We should tell him. He is my BFF.
Hermione: Harry, I brought you back from the dead. No more favors. Just laugh.
Harry: K. *laughs*
Hermione: *laughs evilly*
Ron: WHY AM I NEVER TOLD ANYTHING?!
Hermione: Look Harry!
Harry: *teehee*
Ron: I have no idea what's going on. *bawls*
Hermione: *tickles Harry's nose* Maybe you'll sneeze and DIE.
Hermione: WTF?!?!?!?
Harry: OMG, it's still called Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban!
Hermione: But I changed it! *stomps around*
Ron: Um, as payback for totally screwing me over, can we call it Ron Weasley and the Prisoner of Azkaban?
Harry: Hey, I like that! BFF FO LYF!
Hermione: *plots death* Steve Kloves, where are you? You know how to jack someone up royally...*hunts*