long time no see
well its been a while so let me catch you up with current events. i joined a band with shane and jose. we have three shows coming up in the next month, one of wich is in a week. we're sounding better than any other band ive ever played in. im hella excited, but im also a bit nervous. we're playing at some teen awareness thingy and in front of the theatre downtown. after that we're playing a block party for the 4th of july. we already have a buch of people coming to see us play. every show there are 3 or 4 other bands playing, so all the guy are gonna boo them. i didnt get enough sleep. i have the vocabulary of an infant at the moment. so yeah, what else has been going on....i completely quit calling ash and now she tries to call me. fuck that. now that i dont talk to her she wants me to give her the phone back. bitch. i cried on heather last night for about 10 mins. it felt so nice to cry on her. it felt so good to be held and loved, even if it wasn't the same love i lost. i didnt want to stop but sara pulled me outside. i didnt want to go, i wanted to stay there with heather and jason. i wanted to just cry. i didnt even say what was wrong. it didnt matter. nothing matters when it all floods out of you. it all just gets mixed into one giant overwhelming emotion that pours out of your permeable soul. thats how i felt: full of holes. i just needed to let it all out, and i did. but you know whats funny, it all comes back. it a fucking cancer. i let it all go and the next morning here i am, wanting to have some one who wants to be here. i just want to be somthing to some one. i mean i have people, but i just want to be held, i just want to cry a little bit more. just a little more...