It all just sucks...
Well... the guy I liked actually talked to me today... almost like we used to talk. We are planning to study for one of our finals together but I have to say it is almost frustrating. Last night, I finally decide to give up on the whole thing and then I see him in class and he talks to me like he used to and makes me almost want to hope again. I think the sole purpose of the male population is to throw girls off.
Anyway, the real reason that everything sucks is how I am feeling. This site might begin to give you an idea of what is causing the problem. (By the way, YAY for finding out how to but up a link here. I just hope that it works.) This is a part of it because I have spent the last almost nine months here and now I am leaving. I have to make new relationships with everyone and figure out how to balance the two parts of my life. This is not going to be an easy task to say the least. The other part of this is that I feel like I have lost the group at home over the past school year. I never receive emails from any of them anymore and I rarely contact them through anything but this journal. And while it is nice to see what is going on in their lives, some don't write often and it is not the same as having a real conversation. I also don't feel like I ever get to talk to them or communicate with them in any other way. I think I hate this whole college thing for no other reason but that it is making everything change. I belong here and that cannot be denied but I didn't want to lose my friends and I feel that I have. It just saddens me. We had our group with the girls and the boyos and now I feel that I am no longer one of them. People will make comments about "all of the girls" and it feels like a little needle being driven into me because I wasn't one of them. I know that is silly but that is how I feel. I have my friends here but I still have that part in my heart reserved for the group alone and I feel like I am being removed from their hearts. I am being replaced. I am not saying that I am sorry that they are making new friends. I am glad they are because these new people are really very, very cool and I like them myself. But here I am and I feel like the group has reformed itself taking me out of it. And I suppose it has. College forced that change. It had to happen because such huge changes took place. I guess all I am saying is that I don't like it. And I know that I have to deal with it anyway. I hate growing up. Can I just state that?? Anyone want to head off to Never Never Land with me?? Maybe there, we can stay this age and stop growing up before it is way to late. Although I think it is to late. Sigh... this is a really depressing entry. Ok... I think will end this here before it gets any worse... Later...
Anyway, the real reason that everything sucks is how I am feeling. This site might begin to give you an idea of what is causing the problem. (By the way, YAY for finding out how to but up a link here. I just hope that it works.) This is a part of it because I have spent the last almost nine months here and now I am leaving. I have to make new relationships with everyone and figure out how to balance the two parts of my life. This is not going to be an easy task to say the least. The other part of this is that I feel like I have lost the group at home over the past school year. I never receive emails from any of them anymore and I rarely contact them through anything but this journal. And while it is nice to see what is going on in their lives, some don't write often and it is not the same as having a real conversation. I also don't feel like I ever get to talk to them or communicate with them in any other way. I think I hate this whole college thing for no other reason but that it is making everything change. I belong here and that cannot be denied but I didn't want to lose my friends and I feel that I have. It just saddens me. We had our group with the girls and the boyos and now I feel that I am no longer one of them. People will make comments about "all of the girls" and it feels like a little needle being driven into me because I wasn't one of them. I know that is silly but that is how I feel. I have my friends here but I still have that part in my heart reserved for the group alone and I feel like I am being removed from their hearts. I am being replaced. I am not saying that I am sorry that they are making new friends. I am glad they are because these new people are really very, very cool and I like them myself. But here I am and I feel like the group has reformed itself taking me out of it. And I suppose it has. College forced that change. It had to happen because such huge changes took place. I guess all I am saying is that I don't like it. And I know that I have to deal with it anyway. I hate growing up. Can I just state that?? Anyone want to head off to Never Never Land with me?? Maybe there, we can stay this age and stop growing up before it is way to late. Although I think it is to late. Sigh... this is a really depressing entry. Ok... I think will end this here before it gets any worse... Later...