Sacred Shittless
SO I finally wrote the letter to my dad telling him that Colin was giving me away, and I'm so afraid that he won't come. I told him this in the letter as well as a lot of things that needed to be said.
Depending upon the response to this letter, things may change for the better, or they may not change at all... (and that's not good in my opinion) I'm really anxious to see what happens, as in shaking, a little crying here and there... My tummy is upset too and I don't know what to do to stop it.
Yeah yeah I know, you shouldn't worry about it what happens happens, he either does or doesn't... But that doesn't help me. Every year that passes I feel the absence of his presence in my life more and more. I'm not going to forfce anyhting on him and I don't want to "Pick up where we left off" because that's foolish and unrealistic. However I may not be grown-up, but I'm old enough now that though the things I don't like about him may still be there, the things I do like, respect and admire about him are as well and I want to at least try and get to know one another again. He's my Daddy...
So here's to hoping that the person that raised me and the person I still remember as my invincible hero still lives somewhere and is at least a little curious what happened to his forst born child, even if I am a girl...
*****************************
Hey dad
I’m writing to you
Not to tell you
That I still hate you
Just to ask you
How you feel
And how we fell apart
How this fell apart
Are you happy out there
In this great wide world
Do you think about your sons
Do you miss your little girl
When you lay your head down
How do you sleep at night
Do you even wonder if we’re alright
But we’re alright
We’re alright
It’s been a long hard road without you by my side
Why weren’t you there the nights that we cried
You broke my mother’s heart
You broke your children for life
It’s not ok but we’re alright
I remember the days you were a hero in my eyes
But those are just a long lost memory of mine
I spent so many years
Learning how to survive
Now I’m writing just to let you know
I’m still alive
The days I spent
So cold, so hungry
Were full of hate
I was so angry
The scars run deep inside
This tattooed body
There’s things I’ll take
To my grave
But I’m ok
I’m ok
It’s been a long hard road without you by my side
Why weren’t you there the nights that we cried
You broke my mother’s heart
You broke your children for life
It’s not ok but we’re alright
I remember the days you were a hero in my eyes
But those are just a long lost memory of mine
Now I’m writing just to let you know
I’m still alive
And I’m still alive
Sometimes I forget
Yeah, and this time
I’ll admit that I miss you
Said I miss you
It’s been a long hard road without you by my side
Why weren’t you there the nights that we cried
You broke my mother’s heart
You broke your children for life
It’s not ok but we’re alright
I remember the days you were a hero in my eyes
But those are just a long lost memory of mine
Now I’m writing just to let you know
I’m still alive
And sometimes I forget
This time I’ll admit
That I miss you
I miss you
Hey dad
(Thanks Luney, even though they still suck ^_^)
Depending upon the response to this letter, things may change for the better, or they may not change at all... (and that's not good in my opinion) I'm really anxious to see what happens, as in shaking, a little crying here and there... My tummy is upset too and I don't know what to do to stop it.
Yeah yeah I know, you shouldn't worry about it what happens happens, he either does or doesn't... But that doesn't help me. Every year that passes I feel the absence of his presence in my life more and more. I'm not going to forfce anyhting on him and I don't want to "Pick up where we left off" because that's foolish and unrealistic. However I may not be grown-up, but I'm old enough now that though the things I don't like about him may still be there, the things I do like, respect and admire about him are as well and I want to at least try and get to know one another again. He's my Daddy...
So here's to hoping that the person that raised me and the person I still remember as my invincible hero still lives somewhere and is at least a little curious what happened to his forst born child, even if I am a girl...
*****************************
Hey dad
I’m writing to you
Not to tell you
That I still hate you
Just to ask you
How you feel
And how we fell apart
How this fell apart
Are you happy out there
In this great wide world
Do you think about your sons
Do you miss your little girl
When you lay your head down
How do you sleep at night
Do you even wonder if we’re alright
But we’re alright
We’re alright
It’s been a long hard road without you by my side
Why weren’t you there the nights that we cried
You broke my mother’s heart
You broke your children for life
It’s not ok but we’re alright
I remember the days you were a hero in my eyes
But those are just a long lost memory of mine
I spent so many years
Learning how to survive
Now I’m writing just to let you know
I’m still alive
The days I spent
So cold, so hungry
Were full of hate
I was so angry
The scars run deep inside
This tattooed body
There’s things I’ll take
To my grave
But I’m ok
I’m ok
It’s been a long hard road without you by my side
Why weren’t you there the nights that we cried
You broke my mother’s heart
You broke your children for life
It’s not ok but we’re alright
I remember the days you were a hero in my eyes
But those are just a long lost memory of mine
Now I’m writing just to let you know
I’m still alive
And I’m still alive
Sometimes I forget
Yeah, and this time
I’ll admit that I miss you
Said I miss you
It’s been a long hard road without you by my side
Why weren’t you there the nights that we cried
You broke my mother’s heart
You broke your children for life
It’s not ok but we’re alright
I remember the days you were a hero in my eyes
But those are just a long lost memory of mine
Now I’m writing just to let you know
I’m still alive
And sometimes I forget
This time I’ll admit
That I miss you
I miss you
Hey dad
(Thanks Luney, even though they still suck ^_^)