These nights I just get high from breathing.

[but_u_promised]

That song is really starting to bother me.
Like I'm not sad enough.
But anyways.
Theres no fucking point in being like.
OMG I MISS HIM I NEED HIM I LOVE HIM.
Because if that would actually work.
I would consider doing it.
But guys dont like to be guilt tripped.
So forget it.

But its hard for me to understand.
How I would still do anything for this kid.
If he turned to me and needed help or
He needed someone to talk to. Or just needed someone.
I'd be there no questions asked
Why?
Because YES.
I do still love him.
And care about him so much.
But I wont advertise that.

He says that I'm his friend
And of course he cares about me.
So then why is it so hard.
To see if im okay.
Maybe once in a while ..

Seems like hes putting forth an effort
To not talk to me. Or to be mean.
Without really being mean.
But how can you go from...
ALMOST A YEAR
to nothing. In like two seconds.
I thought I meant a little more than that.
Someone told me
"Yeah he still loves you.
He reallys does. He said he just needs time to heal.
He still cares about you so much
And loves you."
Yeah that right there.
Bullshit. Because I asked him.
Said he never said anything like that.
Maybe hes lying.
But I completely doubt that.

Regardless. I love him.
Miss him. And wish.
That I wasnt so bad.
Ive been so wrapped up.
And i feel bad about it.
Its like I can't be there for people.
And I want to be.

I want to be his friend.
But its so hard because like.
How can I do that?
Stupid question.
But even talking to him sometimes.
Makes me wanna just. @^&%$*# !!
Its like he wont let me be his friend.

And like I said before.
Hurts more that im losing a best friend ..