(no subject)
I've been dreaming of my mother again. It is because in the last two weeks I have been forgetting to take my [mood enhancers]. At least, I think that is why. When I was initially placed on [plan f: medicate], the dreams went away entirely. Which was strangely distressing, and also somewhat relieving. Soon it will be the 13th of September. On the 13th of September it will be exactly two years. It is odd really, how long that seems, and how little time it feels. There are things happening in my life, that I really want to talk to my mother about, and I can't. I know that nobody else will have quite the same perspective, or be quite as understanding, or quite as open to listen to anything I have to say. It doesn't seem to hurt quite so much, but there's still a yearning for contact, and for conversation, and interaction. My life is less [much less] without the that view point, and without that particular relationship in it. It may be that nobody will understand, and perhaps my relationship with my mother was not quite as normal. My stepfather always used to say, we were too close.
I dreamt I was driving my mother to work, at the hospital. We were driving in my little red car. We were talking and chatting. When we got to the hospital the plan was that I was going to wait for my mum until she finished her shift. I had a book with me, but I was so tired I thought it was likely that I would fall asleep. I was scared I would be too tired to wake up to answer my phone when my mum would call to let me know she was ready to go home. So I said if I fell asleep I would do so in the waiting room, and she could find me there. I promised that I wouldn't fall asleep anywhere else, because I was scared my mum wouldn't be able to find me, and I wouldn't wake up when she tried to call me to find out where I was.
In the other dream my mum and I went to visit the hospital. We were picking some things up from there. I wanted to go to the maternity section first. And I would meet my mum back at [memory needed] where the tombstones are.
Red knit arm warmers, and I feel unwell.
I dreamt I was driving my mother to work, at the hospital. We were driving in my little red car. We were talking and chatting. When we got to the hospital the plan was that I was going to wait for my mum until she finished her shift. I had a book with me, but I was so tired I thought it was likely that I would fall asleep. I was scared I would be too tired to wake up to answer my phone when my mum would call to let me know she was ready to go home. So I said if I fell asleep I would do so in the waiting room, and she could find me there. I promised that I wouldn't fall asleep anywhere else, because I was scared my mum wouldn't be able to find me, and I wouldn't wake up when she tried to call me to find out where I was.
In the other dream my mum and I went to visit the hospital. We were picking some things up from there. I wanted to go to the maternity section first. And I would meet my mum back at [memory needed] where the tombstones are.
Red knit arm warmers, and I feel unwell.