AN ESSAY ON SHIGURE'S FAIL
YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO READ IT. Only not because I fail at essaying and this is like 1600 words of me being a retard at myself.
SHIGURE AND TICKY.
Okay, a lot has changed since July. Now. Uh.
Shigure does not not hate Ticky, but it is 1.- No longer ever-present and 2.- Kind of irrelevant for him. Does Shigure think this is healthy? No. Is he okay with it? Yes! I think it was Rabi the one who told him in a recentish thread that Shigure does what's best for himself. This is true, he's doing what he wants to do and for his own reasons. Which I don't think he's explained truthfully to anyone... and I don't really think he will, as his reasons are kind of unclear even to himself.
So back in July Ticky and Shigure's relationship had progressed to the point where they had occasional fistfights after -or during- which White!Ticky mouthraped him. This was not exactly okay with Shigure. He didn't enjoy the mouthrape, but he did enjoy the fighting so it sort of evened out.
Then Dalek weekend happened! Ticky saved Shigure's life. Shigure got very confused because he doesn't want to die, and he couldn't help being grateful. It didn't matter that Ticky had done it for his own reasons. So he was confused, and still hated Ticky but at the same time he was okay with being around him. I think at around that time it hit him that Ticky would protect him from practically the rest of camp, and that Ticky cared about him a lot in his own fucked up Ticky way.
With this in mind, he walled him to stop him from touching tiny!Rabi. YOU MAY OR MAY NOT REMEMBER but the whole Ticky conflict stems from the fact that last year Ticky scared the crap out of tiny!Rabi and Shigure got pissed and threatened him. It gradually spiraled down into STUFF but the point is, Shigure promised little Rabi he'd protect him. And if this meant walling Ticky to distract him, then it was okay. Shigure doesn't mind using sex to his advantage, he only really minds it if he's being seriously nonconned and this was not the case. (As a side note Shigure stopped being afraid of Ticky during this thread. It was SUDDEN and UNEXPECTED but not unwelcome.)
... anyway, distracting Ticky with sex worked, so Shigure took a liking to teasing him. Shigure is an asshole, and he knew Ticky wanted him. It was all in good fun.
Then Raph was retarded /o/ FIRST AND FOREMOST. Shigure saved Raphael because Raphael helped Hatori months ago. Shigure was very grateful for that, plus he doesn't like feeling indebted to people. He considered his options briefly before stepping in and figured that trying wouldn't kill him. He was much less okay with saving Raphael than with saving Rabi for several reasons; first, he doesn't love Raphael. Second, Ticky was about to kill him, which made stepping in much more dangerous. And third, he knew that stepping in would mean Ticky doing pretty much whatever he felt like for a while.
When he stepped in with Rabi, he didn't think much about the consequences. He just wanted Rabi to be safe. With Raphael, he did. He arrived to the place when the fight was over, it was important for him to know if he'd started the fight, because he didn't want Ticky to go half-kill someone every time he felt like making out with him. It turned out he hadn't! So rewarding Ticky for not killing an angel was acceptable.
Shigure did enjoy the make-outs, because well. Ticky is good at them and he wasn't going to guilt himself over saving a life. I'm not sure if this was when the relationship took a turn for the better (worse???) But Shigure let Ticky molest him for a while. He considered it a reward of sorts and figured it'd have some weight later on if anyone decided to try to get revenge for Raphael.
UH. Then they bodyswitched again. Nothing particularly horrible happened. Ticky tried to make people kill Shigure, Shigure ended up breaking his own ribs but I don't think that had any weight on their relationship one way or another. Shigure was Shigure and did his best to not go crazy and eventually decided to have fun by stripping people. IT WAS GOOD. Then before they switched back, there was an honesty post, in which Shigure realized that he considers Ticky a friend and reluctantly cares about him. THIS SUCKS. But it wasn't a terrible surprise. Their relationship had been gradually getting less unfriendly since May so it was just a matter of time.
Sometime during the bodyswitch Ticky brought up building an orphanage to give themselves something to do. They talked about this a little and then there were boggarts. Sob.
Shigure had three terrifying encounters with boggart-like stuff this season. One was the fish-thing at the bridge, the other two were boggarts, one with Rabi and one with Ticky. After the fish-thing, Shigure saw himself as a Noah whenever he looked at his reflection for like a week. He was terrified and thought he was going insane. This came a couple of weeks after the bodyswitch, so he figured he had good reason to be going insane. He didn't discuss it much though, Rabi helped out a little and then it wore off. But then there was the boggart! Unlike last years' this time Shigure knew the boggart was a boggart, but it. Was played by Nishi, who is incredible. So Shigure ended up running away in terror and running into Rabi. The boggart didn't change and Rabi was breaking, so Shigure forced himself to get it together and scare him off.
Then a couple of weeks later he ran into another boggart, this time in his cabin while he was alone. Shigure doesn't consider himself a brave man, or someone who's worth anything. He was tired and scared and tired of being scared and didn't want to deal with another boggart. So he grabbed a pair of headphones and a book and cornered himself hoping it'd go away. Ticky found him like that, he met his own boggart, went a little crazy and eventually opted with scaring it away as a hobo. Shigure wasn't thinking much during that thread, he was sad AND ALOOOOONE and scared and didn't feel like dealing with anything. He welcomed Ticky's company, because it gave him something to think about other than how afraid he was. And after drinking a full bottle of something, he was okay with making out for a while, because. Well, he was drunk (this is also why they didn't make out for long) Then Ticky didn't understand why Shigure was so scared and offered perspective and Shigure broke down on him.
Shigure knows and has accepted that if he ever dies in camp, it will probably be because of Ticky. He's kind of desensitized to the thought and he would have been much less upset if Ticky had done that any other time. But things caught up to him. He'd spent the entire month being terrified and hadn't really had a proper let out. And Ticky was there, and stayed there which would probably not be a reason to be thankful, considering he was what made him snap, but Ticky never intended to kill him, and that's something Shigure is very aware of. And it's hard for him not to appreciate someone looking after him, because he's a Sohma and he's not used at all to that kind of attention.
This takes us to the boyfriend thing. Shigure did it for the lulz, when it came up he thought it was hilarious. He did think about the consequences, of course, but he was also spiteful and in need of stirring shit up and he enjoys testing people. He figured that people would be pissed at him but if they really cared, they'd stick around regardless. (He didn't think Rabi would react so badly and is still at a loss on what to do about that.)
So far their relationship has turned out to be fun for Shigure, and he's on a better place than he's been in a while. He's still waiting for the fall out on some relationships, but in a way he's looking forward to that too. Shigure's trying to regain the feeling of control by causing messes he can kind of predict the outcome of. He knows it was a terrible idea and he's okay with it. Ane he also knows it will end badly, possibly with Ticky snapping, he is also okay with that.
AFTER AGREEING TO DATE HIM, it occured to Shigure that Ticky was close to losing it again, and that dating him had probably bought them some more sanity time. So he's using that as an excuse.
GOD OKAY. AT AVIY'S DEMAND SHIGURE'S CURRENT FEELINGS ON TICKY
He. He likes him more than he should. Ticky is good unstressful company when he's sane, and it's really hard to dislike someone who loves him the way Ticky does, so he likes him and cares about him and considers him a friend-- he doesn't yet see him as his boyfriend, and he wouldn't angst if they broke up. He doesn't really wish he could hate him as he used to, because that was constantly draining.
HE DOESN'T LOVE TICKY. I won't say he'll never love Ticky, because he might in the future BUT he's very aware that Ticky is insane and would kill him without feeling any guilt, which is really a huge setback. So I don't see Shigure's feelings changing terribly anytime soon.
He wishes often that his friends would try to see things from his point of view instead of stuff just getting stuck at "HE'S A CRAZY BASTARD" but he doesn't think that'll ever happen.
I THINK I COVERED EVERYTHING? Latest Shigure and Ticky threads can be found here. NOW AVIY CAN STOP BEATING ME :(
Questions, mockings, et. all welcome. As Aviy made me write this with the sole purpose of having people come laugh at me.
SHIGURE AND TICKY.
Okay, a lot has changed since July. Now. Uh.
Shigure does not not hate Ticky, but it is 1.- No longer ever-present and 2.- Kind of irrelevant for him. Does Shigure think this is healthy? No. Is he okay with it? Yes! I think it was Rabi the one who told him in a recentish thread that Shigure does what's best for himself. This is true, he's doing what he wants to do and for his own reasons. Which I don't think he's explained truthfully to anyone... and I don't really think he will, as his reasons are kind of unclear even to himself.
So back in July Ticky and Shigure's relationship had progressed to the point where they had occasional fistfights after -or during- which White!Ticky mouthraped him. This was not exactly okay with Shigure. He didn't enjoy the mouthrape, but he did enjoy the fighting so it sort of evened out.
Then Dalek weekend happened! Ticky saved Shigure's life. Shigure got very confused because he doesn't want to die, and he couldn't help being grateful. It didn't matter that Ticky had done it for his own reasons. So he was confused, and still hated Ticky but at the same time he was okay with being around him. I think at around that time it hit him that Ticky would protect him from practically the rest of camp, and that Ticky cared about him a lot in his own fucked up Ticky way.
With this in mind, he walled him to stop him from touching tiny!Rabi. YOU MAY OR MAY NOT REMEMBER but the whole Ticky conflict stems from the fact that last year Ticky scared the crap out of tiny!Rabi and Shigure got pissed and threatened him. It gradually spiraled down into STUFF but the point is, Shigure promised little Rabi he'd protect him. And if this meant walling Ticky to distract him, then it was okay. Shigure doesn't mind using sex to his advantage, he only really minds it if he's being seriously nonconned and this was not the case. (As a side note Shigure stopped being afraid of Ticky during this thread. It was SUDDEN and UNEXPECTED but not unwelcome.)
... anyway, distracting Ticky with sex worked, so Shigure took a liking to teasing him. Shigure is an asshole, and he knew Ticky wanted him. It was all in good fun.
Then Raph was retarded /o/ FIRST AND FOREMOST. Shigure saved Raphael because Raphael helped Hatori months ago. Shigure was very grateful for that, plus he doesn't like feeling indebted to people. He considered his options briefly before stepping in and figured that trying wouldn't kill him. He was much less okay with saving Raphael than with saving Rabi for several reasons; first, he doesn't love Raphael. Second, Ticky was about to kill him, which made stepping in much more dangerous. And third, he knew that stepping in would mean Ticky doing pretty much whatever he felt like for a while.
When he stepped in with Rabi, he didn't think much about the consequences. He just wanted Rabi to be safe. With Raphael, he did. He arrived to the place when the fight was over, it was important for him to know if he'd started the fight, because he didn't want Ticky to go half-kill someone every time he felt like making out with him. It turned out he hadn't! So rewarding Ticky for not killing an angel was acceptable.
Shigure did enjoy the make-outs, because well. Ticky is good at them and he wasn't going to guilt himself over saving a life. I'm not sure if this was when the relationship took a turn for the better (worse???) But Shigure let Ticky molest him for a while. He considered it a reward of sorts and figured it'd have some weight later on if anyone decided to try to get revenge for Raphael.
UH. Then they bodyswitched again. Nothing particularly horrible happened. Ticky tried to make people kill Shigure, Shigure ended up breaking his own ribs but I don't think that had any weight on their relationship one way or another. Shigure was Shigure and did his best to not go crazy and eventually decided to have fun by stripping people. IT WAS GOOD. Then before they switched back, there was an honesty post, in which Shigure realized that he considers Ticky a friend and reluctantly cares about him. THIS SUCKS. But it wasn't a terrible surprise. Their relationship had been gradually getting less unfriendly since May so it was just a matter of time.
Sometime during the bodyswitch Ticky brought up building an orphanage to give themselves something to do. They talked about this a little and then there were boggarts. Sob.
Shigure had three terrifying encounters with boggart-like stuff this season. One was the fish-thing at the bridge, the other two were boggarts, one with Rabi and one with Ticky. After the fish-thing, Shigure saw himself as a Noah whenever he looked at his reflection for like a week. He was terrified and thought he was going insane. This came a couple of weeks after the bodyswitch, so he figured he had good reason to be going insane. He didn't discuss it much though, Rabi helped out a little and then it wore off. But then there was the boggart! Unlike last years' this time Shigure knew the boggart was a boggart, but it. Was played by Nishi, who is incredible. So Shigure ended up running away in terror and running into Rabi. The boggart didn't change and Rabi was breaking, so Shigure forced himself to get it together and scare him off.
Then a couple of weeks later he ran into another boggart, this time in his cabin while he was alone. Shigure doesn't consider himself a brave man, or someone who's worth anything. He was tired and scared and tired of being scared and didn't want to deal with another boggart. So he grabbed a pair of headphones and a book and cornered himself hoping it'd go away. Ticky found him like that, he met his own boggart, went a little crazy and eventually opted with scaring it away as a hobo. Shigure wasn't thinking much during that thread, he was sad AND ALOOOOONE and scared and didn't feel like dealing with anything. He welcomed Ticky's company, because it gave him something to think about other than how afraid he was. And after drinking a full bottle of something, he was okay with making out for a while, because. Well, he was drunk (this is also why they didn't make out for long) Then Ticky didn't understand why Shigure was so scared and offered perspective and Shigure broke down on him.
Shigure knows and has accepted that if he ever dies in camp, it will probably be because of Ticky. He's kind of desensitized to the thought and he would have been much less upset if Ticky had done that any other time. But things caught up to him. He'd spent the entire month being terrified and hadn't really had a proper let out. And Ticky was there, and stayed there which would probably not be a reason to be thankful, considering he was what made him snap, but Ticky never intended to kill him, and that's something Shigure is very aware of. And it's hard for him not to appreciate someone looking after him, because he's a Sohma and he's not used at all to that kind of attention.
This takes us to the boyfriend thing. Shigure did it for the lulz, when it came up he thought it was hilarious. He did think about the consequences, of course, but he was also spiteful and in need of stirring shit up and he enjoys testing people. He figured that people would be pissed at him but if they really cared, they'd stick around regardless. (He didn't think Rabi would react so badly and is still at a loss on what to do about that.)
So far their relationship has turned out to be fun for Shigure, and he's on a better place than he's been in a while. He's still waiting for the fall out on some relationships, but in a way he's looking forward to that too. Shigure's trying to regain the feeling of control by causing messes he can kind of predict the outcome of. He knows it was a terrible idea and he's okay with it. Ane he also knows it will end badly, possibly with Ticky snapping, he is also okay with that.
AFTER AGREEING TO DATE HIM, it occured to Shigure that Ticky was close to losing it again, and that dating him had probably bought them some more sanity time. So he's using that as an excuse.
GOD OKAY. AT AVIY'S DEMAND SHIGURE'S CURRENT FEELINGS ON TICKY
He. He likes him more than he should. Ticky is good unstressful company when he's sane, and it's really hard to dislike someone who loves him the way Ticky does, so he likes him and cares about him and considers him a friend-- he doesn't yet see him as his boyfriend, and he wouldn't angst if they broke up. He doesn't really wish he could hate him as he used to, because that was constantly draining.
HE DOESN'T LOVE TICKY. I won't say he'll never love Ticky, because he might in the future BUT he's very aware that Ticky is insane and would kill him without feeling any guilt, which is really a huge setback. So I don't see Shigure's feelings changing terribly anytime soon.
He wishes often that his friends would try to see things from his point of view instead of stuff just getting stuck at "HE'S A CRAZY BASTARD" but he doesn't think that'll ever happen.
I THINK I COVERED EVERYTHING? Latest Shigure and Ticky threads can be found here. NOW AVIY CAN STOP BEATING ME :(
Questions, mockings, et. all welcome. As Aviy made me write this with the sole purpose of having people come laugh at me.