Shigure on Ticky
This is a Shigure on Ticky rant that will make sense to absolutely no one who is not me or aviy. It contains:
1. A very fucking long re-telling of Shigure and Ticky's camp story.
2. A shortish essay..ish on Shigure's feelings re: Ticky.
3. A handy link from February to a very short rant on the subject to make this post non-symmetrical.
Originally, like last year when Shigure and Ticky first met, Shigure didn't dislike Ticky. Actually, he thought he could even be kind of fun... of course that went straight to hell when Rabi deaged and Ticky hurt him. This pretty much ensured eternal hate from Shigure-- OR SO I THOUGHT. Anyway, Shigure hated and was also utterly terrified of Ticky up 'til the beginnings of December, when they bodyswitched. Shigure had the Noah in his head, and he realized that if he was a Noah, he wouldn't be any better than Ticky... in fact he'd probably be worse. This didn't make him hate Ticky any less at the time, but he did understand better! Ticky is entirely at fault for his actions, but the actions where prompted by the Noah, and the Noah is not Ticky's fault (did that make as little sense as I think it did?)
So, okay. Shigure had a lot of trouble not giving in to the Noah. He was even kind of sympathizing with Ticky! The Noah SUCKS, I think at that point Shigure would've been willing to be kind of friends with him. Maybe. Buuut then Ticky shot that down. Because Ticky doesn't like sympathy, but does like breaking Shigure. He hurt one of Shigure's friends! Again! This time because Shigure had shown a glimpse of sympathy. This rekindled Shigure's hate and taught him not to feel sorry for Ticky ever, even if he does kinda deserve pity.
Ticky got unhealthily attached to Shigure after that. Ticky enjoys seeing Shigure sad, and in exchange Shigure hates him very much. There were a couple of instances in which Ticky showed his special brand of love towards Shigure, one by siccing Spike on him, and another one just by Talking At Shigure and making him feel like crap. Shigure got over it, though. And once he kinda got that Ticky was unlikely to harm him physically, he just went snarky on him. Even though he was (and still is) terrified of him, but it was something Shigure could deal with because he hates him a lot.
But then Ticky decided to hurt Hatori. Hurting Hatori is one of the fastest ways to get Shigure to hate you forever. Shigure already hated Ticky, this just sent the amount of hate off the scales. This event changed the way Shigure interacted to Ticky, somewhat. Shigure got a bit more cautious because the last thing he wanted was to accidentally set him off and have him hurt someone else.
The next time they talked, Shigure asked him to leave his family alone. He did this despite already knowing Reborn could take him, because... well. Shigure likes having a back-up plan. He would have been willing to do whatever Ticky asked if it had meant his family's safety. Ticky agreed to leave his family alone and things would've gone back to normal-- Shigure hating on him and being snarky, and Ticky being Ticky.
BUT THEN THERE WAS THE HOBO
Shigure understands to a certain degree, how Ticky's "lives" work. He knows Ticky has RULES and that the rules are very important to him. He also knows he could breah these rules at any time, but that he is Very Unlikely to do it. So. Ticky doesn't kill when he's a hobo. Meaning, Hobo!Ticky is safe to be all snazzy at-- OR SO HE THOUGHT. UHM. HOBO MOUTHRAPED HIM and because the hobo doesn't kill, Shigure fought back... and after being unable to retaliate for so long, it felt really really good to punch him. He did feel bad afterwards, he wasn't pleased with himself and he still hated Ticky as much as always. But. Hitting back! That part was good.
Now a brief explanation on Shigure's logic. He doesn't think fighting hobo Ticky is a good idea, but he doesn't think it's a bad one either, here's why:
1. If Ticky is having fun (which he is) he's more likely to hang out as a hobo, and the hobo is safe. As long as Ticky is a hobo, he's not hurting anyone else.
2. Hitting him does feel good. It's a good way to release tension and it helps keep him sane.
3. In a way, he thinks he deserves being hit. He blames himself for just about everything Ticky related since the little!Rabi stuff last year, and he figures that a few punches are in order. On this same note, he knows people will find out eventually, and that when they do, they'll be pissed at him-- which he also deserves.
LATEST THREAD Shigure threw a brick at the hobo without prompting or provocation for no other reason than because he could. This is very childish behavior, but Shigure is a childish guy.
Now, on to the actual essay which is like a third of the size of the retelling:
So, Shigure hates Ticky. There is no denying that, but at times he also kind of likes him. Shigure is not blind to the fact that Ticky would be the kind of guy he'd easily get along with if he wasn't a Noah, and he has a begrudging respect for the way Ticky has handled his insanity. As I said somewhere above, Shigure knows he wouldn't be any better if he was a Noah. And the more time he spends with Ticky, the less he dislikes him.
For a while there, before Ticky attacked Hatori, Shigure'd decided he hated the Noah, but not necessarily Ticky Mikk... this went to hell after Hatori was hurt, but it'd be easy to Shigure to get back to that point. I don't think he'll ever forgive Ticky, but he may not hate him forever. He does feel sorry for him, although he'll never tell that to him because then shit happens, but he does think it's not Ticky's fault that he's so fucked up, even if he does blame him for being a jerk and hurting people.
Shigure is very aware of everything he thinks and doesn't think re: Ticky, and naturally, he feels very guilty about it. Once upon a time he had this really active, burning anger towards Ticky and now it's gone, which makes him feel like he doesn't HATE him as much as he should, and that's just wrong. He doesn't understand WHY he doesn't hate Ticky more, to the point that he picked out some books on Stockholm's Syndrome, but at the same time he doesn't really want that to change because hate is very draining and being unhappy all the time blows.
Kira has been a great help, in a way. Because he provides an objective, completely detached opinion (which most of the time is something along the lines of "you're fucking retarded.")
COMMENTS, QUESTION, ETC ARE ALWAYS WELCOME. UNLESS YOU'RE AVIY.
1. A very fucking long re-telling of Shigure and Ticky's camp story.
2. A shortish essay..ish on Shigure's feelings re: Ticky.
3. A handy link from February to a very short rant on the subject to make this post non-symmetrical.
Originally, like last year when Shigure and Ticky first met, Shigure didn't dislike Ticky. Actually, he thought he could even be kind of fun... of course that went straight to hell when Rabi deaged and Ticky hurt him. This pretty much ensured eternal hate from Shigure-- OR SO I THOUGHT. Anyway, Shigure hated and was also utterly terrified of Ticky up 'til the beginnings of December, when they bodyswitched. Shigure had the Noah in his head, and he realized that if he was a Noah, he wouldn't be any better than Ticky... in fact he'd probably be worse. This didn't make him hate Ticky any less at the time, but he did understand better! Ticky is entirely at fault for his actions, but the actions where prompted by the Noah, and the Noah is not Ticky's fault (did that make as little sense as I think it did?)
So, okay. Shigure had a lot of trouble not giving in to the Noah. He was even kind of sympathizing with Ticky! The Noah SUCKS, I think at that point Shigure would've been willing to be kind of friends with him. Maybe. Buuut then Ticky shot that down. Because Ticky doesn't like sympathy, but does like breaking Shigure. He hurt one of Shigure's friends! Again! This time because Shigure had shown a glimpse of sympathy. This rekindled Shigure's hate and taught him not to feel sorry for Ticky ever, even if he does kinda deserve pity.
Ticky got unhealthily attached to Shigure after that. Ticky enjoys seeing Shigure sad, and in exchange Shigure hates him very much. There were a couple of instances in which Ticky showed his special brand of love towards Shigure, one by siccing Spike on him, and another one just by Talking At Shigure and making him feel like crap. Shigure got over it, though. And once he kinda got that Ticky was unlikely to harm him physically, he just went snarky on him. Even though he was (and still is) terrified of him, but it was something Shigure could deal with because he hates him a lot.
But then Ticky decided to hurt Hatori. Hurting Hatori is one of the fastest ways to get Shigure to hate you forever. Shigure already hated Ticky, this just sent the amount of hate off the scales. This event changed the way Shigure interacted to Ticky, somewhat. Shigure got a bit more cautious because the last thing he wanted was to accidentally set him off and have him hurt someone else.
The next time they talked, Shigure asked him to leave his family alone. He did this despite already knowing Reborn could take him, because... well. Shigure likes having a back-up plan. He would have been willing to do whatever Ticky asked if it had meant his family's safety. Ticky agreed to leave his family alone and things would've gone back to normal-- Shigure hating on him and being snarky, and Ticky being Ticky.
BUT THEN THERE WAS THE HOBO
Shigure understands to a certain degree, how Ticky's "lives" work. He knows Ticky has RULES and that the rules are very important to him. He also knows he could breah these rules at any time, but that he is Very Unlikely to do it. So. Ticky doesn't kill when he's a hobo. Meaning, Hobo!Ticky is safe to be all snazzy at-- OR SO HE THOUGHT. UHM. HOBO MOUTHRAPED HIM and because the hobo doesn't kill, Shigure fought back... and after being unable to retaliate for so long, it felt really really good to punch him. He did feel bad afterwards, he wasn't pleased with himself and he still hated Ticky as much as always. But. Hitting back! That part was good.
Now a brief explanation on Shigure's logic. He doesn't think fighting hobo Ticky is a good idea, but he doesn't think it's a bad one either, here's why:
1. If Ticky is having fun (which he is) he's more likely to hang out as a hobo, and the hobo is safe. As long as Ticky is a hobo, he's not hurting anyone else.
2. Hitting him does feel good. It's a good way to release tension and it helps keep him sane.
3. In a way, he thinks he deserves being hit. He blames himself for just about everything Ticky related since the little!Rabi stuff last year, and he figures that a few punches are in order. On this same note, he knows people will find out eventually, and that when they do, they'll be pissed at him-- which he also deserves.
LATEST THREAD Shigure threw a brick at the hobo without prompting or provocation for no other reason than because he could. This is very childish behavior, but Shigure is a childish guy.
Now, on to the actual essay which is like a third of the size of the retelling:
So, Shigure hates Ticky. There is no denying that, but at times he also kind of likes him. Shigure is not blind to the fact that Ticky would be the kind of guy he'd easily get along with if he wasn't a Noah, and he has a begrudging respect for the way Ticky has handled his insanity. As I said somewhere above, Shigure knows he wouldn't be any better if he was a Noah. And the more time he spends with Ticky, the less he dislikes him.
For a while there, before Ticky attacked Hatori, Shigure'd decided he hated the Noah, but not necessarily Ticky Mikk... this went to hell after Hatori was hurt, but it'd be easy to Shigure to get back to that point. I don't think he'll ever forgive Ticky, but he may not hate him forever. He does feel sorry for him, although he'll never tell that to him because then shit happens, but he does think it's not Ticky's fault that he's so fucked up, even if he does blame him for being a jerk and hurting people.
Shigure is very aware of everything he thinks and doesn't think re: Ticky, and naturally, he feels very guilty about it. Once upon a time he had this really active, burning anger towards Ticky and now it's gone, which makes him feel like he doesn't HATE him as much as he should, and that's just wrong. He doesn't understand WHY he doesn't hate Ticky more, to the point that he picked out some books on Stockholm's Syndrome, but at the same time he doesn't really want that to change because hate is very draining and being unhappy all the time blows.
Kira has been a great help, in a way. Because he provides an objective, completely detached opinion (which most of the time is something along the lines of "you're fucking retarded.")
COMMENTS, QUESTION, ETC ARE ALWAYS WELCOME. UNLESS YOU'RE AVIY.