(no subject)

[busysidewalks]

i hate being inside my fucking head all the damn time.
i'm making an effort to get out- but some days it's really hard.
and some days i really don't have anyone to talk to- which is fine-
sometimes i just don't have the energy-
to be.

I've been thinking a lot about the 12 jewels of Islam.

1. Knowledge
2. Wisdom
3. Understanding
4. Freedom
5. Justice
6. Equality
7. Food
8. Clothing
9. Shelter
10. Love
11. Peace
12. Happiness

I'm trying to be stronger, mentally.
It's just hard for me to take incivility.
I feel that i'm at # 11, and somehow #5 skipped me;
I keep trying to show and feel #6 & #10. but i keep getting attacked by outside sources.

I don't understand- why are so many people out to be so defensive?
Why is it so hard for us to all just be at # 12?