(no subject)
Title: Things I'll Never Say
Pairing: Jaybourne
Part: 2 & 3 of about 5
Authors Notes: Part 2 was too short on it's own so I've ***'d at the end of part 2 and posted part 3 aswell. To be honest I'm just dying to get to the end coz I re-wrote it today and now it's the best bit.
James looked up from the TV just in time to see the back of Matts head disappear through the door. He sighed as he reached for the remote and switched off the TV. "Who the hell watches that shit?" he mumbled to himself as the sound of the grasshoppers mating call was cut short. He listened intently for a few seconds until he heard the creak of steps, James wished Matt wouldn't insist on sleeping in 'The Suicide Suite', Charlie was right, it definatley wasn't safe. Matt would be much safer sleeping in the bottom bunk third from the back end of the bus, James' bed. He sighed again, he knew Matt had noticed that something was wrong and was trying to help. It hurt him to see his friend trying to talk to him when he was so distant all the time and he knew that Matt thought he was the one to blame. One word from James and everything would be fine, but James just couldn't bring himself to say it. He was scared of rejection, which was stupid really, he thought, since he knew very well that Matt wasn't exactly about to reject him. It was hard for James to admit, as much as he wanted to, that he felt exactly the same way that the older boy did. The day when Matt sat in James' kitchen and laid his heart on the line, worried, and knowing that there was every chance that his best friend may turn around and hate him for what he was going to say, that it could have effected the band and the rest of their lives, all James had wanted to do was to tell Matt to hold him, that he felt the same, and to reassure him that everything was going to be alright but James just couldn't find the strength within himself to be able to do it. Every time Matt had so much as looked at him since that day James had wanted to break down and confess to feeling exactly the same way as his friend did. He'd thought it'd get better with time, Matt had had to come to terms with the fact that he could never be with James and the younger boy thought that he'd be able to do the same, but, it seemed, he couldn't, and James knew that one way or another he had to get over himself and do something about it.
***
"Guys!" Fletch called up to the top floor of the bus, "straight into the venue please, we're late for soundcheck."
Charlie groaned, pulling up the hood of his sweatshirt as if it would somehow make him invisible to the usual crowd of fans that would be waiting outside, as if a seven foot pair of eyebrows could ever be hard to spot.
Matt followed directly behind the taller boy, flashing a smile at a group of girls he recognized. James hung back, waiting until his bandmates were almost inside the building before stepping off the bus. Holding a hand up in acknowledgement of a group of girls who were calling his name but never lifting his gaze from the floor he walked quickly across the loading area to join Matt and Charlie.
James picked up his guitar and trailed behind the other two boys onto the stage and into position.
"James!" came a voice in his in-ear monitors. He looked up, into the bright lights that were in the process of being checked and attached to various parts of the stage, to the back of the room where he guessed the voice was coming from, "What are you doing?"
Sheilding his eyes James stepped up to his mic, "Um... Crashed The Wedding?" he replied hopefully.
"No James, what's wrong with you? You know we need you on the extended stage, you've been doing this every day for a week!"
James placed down his instrument, leaving Matt and Charlie to make sure that theirs were correctly tuned, and took his place at the keyboard. By the time soundcheck was over, James had hit at least four wrong notes during his Psycho Girl solo and missed the cue to do his link inbetween songs, resulting in the fact that, had this been the live show, a pyro would have gone off during his link for no apparent reason.
"What's wrong with you today, man?" Charlie enquired as they made their way backstage.
"Just tired I guess" James shrugged in reply, using this as an excuse to pretend to sleep on the sofa in the dressing room until it was time for the band to go onstage, so as to avoid having to explain himself to anyone else.
*
"How's everybody doing over here?!" Matt shouted, almost drowned out by the shreiked reply of thousands of fans. His two bandmates, surprisingly, got the same reaction as they too checked up on 'their section' of the crowd, and all three as they lied that they could see the faces of the people at the back. James bounced across the stage to wave at the people on Matt's side and when he returned to his spot, Matt mirrored his actions, taking a detour on his way back to lean into James and share his mic for one line of the song. Today, just as Matt leaned across and began to sing, James stepped back. The older boy, plastering a fake smile across his face, made his way back to his place, exchanging worried glances with their youngest bandmate, and decided that tonight was the night that he was going to find out once and for all what was bothering his friend.