Dostoevsky blowing my mind again
“I’ve already decided, even if he marries that-creature (she began solemnly), whom I never, never can forgive, even then I will not abandon him. Hence-forward I will never, never abandon him!” She cried, breaking into a sort of pale, hysterical ecstasy. “Not that I would run after him continually, get in his way and worry him. Oh, no! I will go away to another town-where you like-but I will watch over him all my life-I will watch over him all my life unceasingly. When he becomes unhappy with that woman, and that is bound to happen quite soon, let him come to me and he will find a friend, a sister.…Only a sister, of course, and so forever; but he will learn at least that that sister is really his sister, who loves him and has sacrificed all her life to him. I will gain my point. I will insist on his knowing me and confiding entirely in me, without reserve,” she cried, in a sort of frenzy. “I will be a god to whom he can pray-and that, at least, he owes me for his treachery and for what I suffered yesterday through him. And let him see that all my life I will be true to him and the promise I gave him, in spite of his being untrue and betraying me. I will-I will become nothing but a means for his happiness, or-how shall I say?-an instrument, a machine for his happiness, and that for my whole life, my whole life, and that he may see that all his life! That’s my decision.”