almost a year has passed...
and i am back where i started:
faced with a choice i am not willing to make.
so most of the time half my head is elsewhere, no matter what i am doing
someone called me a workaholic once.
maybe.
however,
it's my best facet. i can control most everything. and even if i lose that control... i have it back almost immediately.
why wouldn't i live in that place? i don't get blindsided.
and i am going to get blindsided. it will be. big. knock me down and take the wind right out of my sails.
i feel powerless to stop it.