(no subject)
Have you ever looked someone in the eyes, and paused for a second, and wondered:
What does this person see when they stare back at me?
Do they take me at face value and over analyze me down to how much bronzer I chose to apply this morning?
Or is that just my neurotic impulses taking over and my insecurities consuming the best of me?
Do they look into my eyes and attempt to see past my blank and non-chalant impression?
Maybe they are one of the few that look into my eyes and profess what a "nice girl" I am. Actually taking my smile, that I strategically place in accordance to society's standards as how one should respond when looked upon, as genuine. How easily can you be classified, honestly? Categorized into the ever-so-popular, superficial world. The superficial live for others, and are forever trapped in a state of presentation. To be brutally honest, and admit the hint of hypocrisy-I possess traits of the superficial, as well. Due to my daily 'dress up'. Yet as indecisive as I come off, blame it on my evil tendencies, I have a tendency to judge others in a less than sufficient time it would genuinely take to truly know someone. I have a knack for 'reading' people in literally seconds. Demeanor, speech pattern, the slight flicker or twitch of an eye. This tells me all I need to know to 'write' someone off. I like to think of it as a filtering out of the ignorant people, who I would otherwise waste my breath on. Some may see this as fucked up, and a shallow, somewhat hypocritical gesture, on my part. Call it what you may, but it's a undeniable, unsuppressed trait I unwillingly acquired from my self-absorbed father. I'm sorry I have a tendency to think before I speak, and an affinity to hiding who I truly am until I know I can trust someone. To sum me up is a task deemed impossible. An unequal proportional ball full of sass, hopeless romantic tendencies, sarcasm, intelligence, and a bit of bitterness held against this world that I was born to lose in, but a hint of stubbornness that I refuse to be held down, and live to win from. My only fear in this sad state of affairs? To die alone. Continuously giving my heart out to those that only end up breaking it. Constantly being hurt by only those that claim to love me. Unintentionally being forced into the spotlight and encountering massive amounts of negativity as a result. Fighting the never-ending battle of who I truly am as opposed to an online persona that one chooses to perceive...Sometimes it feels like it's easier to throw in the towel.
What does this person see when they stare back at me?
Do they take me at face value and over analyze me down to how much bronzer I chose to apply this morning?
Or is that just my neurotic impulses taking over and my insecurities consuming the best of me?
Do they look into my eyes and attempt to see past my blank and non-chalant impression?
Maybe they are one of the few that look into my eyes and profess what a "nice girl" I am. Actually taking my smile, that I strategically place in accordance to society's standards as how one should respond when looked upon, as genuine. How easily can you be classified, honestly? Categorized into the ever-so-popular, superficial world. The superficial live for others, and are forever trapped in a state of presentation. To be brutally honest, and admit the hint of hypocrisy-I possess traits of the superficial, as well. Due to my daily 'dress up'. Yet as indecisive as I come off, blame it on my evil tendencies, I have a tendency to judge others in a less than sufficient time it would genuinely take to truly know someone. I have a knack for 'reading' people in literally seconds. Demeanor, speech pattern, the slight flicker or twitch of an eye. This tells me all I need to know to 'write' someone off. I like to think of it as a filtering out of the ignorant people, who I would otherwise waste my breath on. Some may see this as fucked up, and a shallow, somewhat hypocritical gesture, on my part. Call it what you may, but it's a undeniable, unsuppressed trait I unwillingly acquired from my self-absorbed father. I'm sorry I have a tendency to think before I speak, and an affinity to hiding who I truly am until I know I can trust someone. To sum me up is a task deemed impossible. An unequal proportional ball full of sass, hopeless romantic tendencies, sarcasm, intelligence, and a bit of bitterness held against this world that I was born to lose in, but a hint of stubbornness that I refuse to be held down, and live to win from. My only fear in this sad state of affairs? To die alone. Continuously giving my heart out to those that only end up breaking it. Constantly being hurt by only those that claim to love me. Unintentionally being forced into the spotlight and encountering massive amounts of negativity as a result. Fighting the never-ending battle of who I truly am as opposed to an online persona that one chooses to perceive...Sometimes it feels like it's easier to throw in the towel.