Lacerated.
Emotionally i'm torn between enxiety, depression, and happiness. I seem to have a new mood everyday that doesnt match the one i had the day before, thus making me feel like i'm either acting fake or im a skitzo..neither of which i feel to be true, more are what i feel are being portrayed.
Dianna is doing better. she's home now. her left side is paralyzed, but they say that with some physical therapy, she can get all or most of the feeling back. We know she's making improvement because she can wiggle her toes and smile with her whole mout instead of just the right side now. She's having less seizures, and the doctors dont know if they're even real seizures or psudo-seizures, which are brought on by stress.
The relationship situation sucks. It feels like i'm losing another chunk of it day by day. I fear that soon there will be nothing left to fuel the fire, but i dont want to lose him forever..
The family situation is... well, a mess to say the least. Tara's "rebelling" and it's pathetic. She's the only one who doesn't see how badly her boyfriend is screwing up her life, and she's too stubborn to listen to anyone but herself. Figure. She's 16. Cyndi's... Cyndi. Luke's an annoying 9 year old, but alas it is my burden to love him to death. I feel awful for my mother, she's got so much to deal with. She's going away for a week to get married and we're not coming. It's pretty cool i guess, cause i get the house to myself. My dad's got tough too, dealing with cyndi, luke, dianna's illness, and now dianna's siblings and their family are staying up with us for a few days. WWoooooooo. No.
My grandmother bothers me. I mean dianna's mother. i've recently noticed how extremely rude she is. Like, i was sitting next to luke at dinner one day, i get up to help my dad serve everybody (cause there were 7 people there) and she takes my seat..when there are others available and she saw me sitting there not even two seconds ago. My dad noticed too, but he just gave me that smile that says "hey kid, you can't wn all the time" so i was like whatever. i was at the hospital visiting dianna, and while i was talking to her my grandmother steps right between us and interrupts my conversation to talk to her. Like, hello? weren't you always saying to use manners when i was a kid? way to return the fucking favor. And everything that she does lately just seems like shes TRYING to irritate me, which i know isn't it, but it just feels that way.
I'm excited to go to college. I'm excited to get away from all this bullshit. I hate milford drama. I hate milford assholes. I hate milford drivers. I hate milford. period.
And i hate working at subway. It's no fun anymore. Zack's gone. Fred's gone. Emery's gone. Cameras are on alot more. We have to count the bread. PJ stays later. I feel like i'm babysitting the new kids rather than working with them. It sucks. The other job isn't great either. I feel like falling asleep for an hour on one of the empty beds. I don't get visitors. I'm bored out of my skull. My aunt's eating habits, i have found, are disgusting. Michael drives me up a fucking wall. Him and his gay self should just die sometimes. Lucy is a pain in the ass. "I can't do this because i had a car accident" yeeaah...that was how long ago? and you can only come into work for 3 hours? She leaves me with SO much to do that she could have done earlier in the day, yet refused, and instead took a walk to peter pan and got pizza. WTFFF!?!? I can NOT wait til i'm done there.
So all in all, my life feels like it's going down the drain and i just have to smile and say Hey, shit happens...
Dianna is doing better. she's home now. her left side is paralyzed, but they say that with some physical therapy, she can get all or most of the feeling back. We know she's making improvement because she can wiggle her toes and smile with her whole mout instead of just the right side now. She's having less seizures, and the doctors dont know if they're even real seizures or psudo-seizures, which are brought on by stress.
The relationship situation sucks. It feels like i'm losing another chunk of it day by day. I fear that soon there will be nothing left to fuel the fire, but i dont want to lose him forever..
The family situation is... well, a mess to say the least. Tara's "rebelling" and it's pathetic. She's the only one who doesn't see how badly her boyfriend is screwing up her life, and she's too stubborn to listen to anyone but herself. Figure. She's 16. Cyndi's... Cyndi. Luke's an annoying 9 year old, but alas it is my burden to love him to death. I feel awful for my mother, she's got so much to deal with. She's going away for a week to get married and we're not coming. It's pretty cool i guess, cause i get the house to myself. My dad's got tough too, dealing with cyndi, luke, dianna's illness, and now dianna's siblings and their family are staying up with us for a few days. WWoooooooo. No.
My grandmother bothers me. I mean dianna's mother. i've recently noticed how extremely rude she is. Like, i was sitting next to luke at dinner one day, i get up to help my dad serve everybody (cause there were 7 people there) and she takes my seat..when there are others available and she saw me sitting there not even two seconds ago. My dad noticed too, but he just gave me that smile that says "hey kid, you can't wn all the time" so i was like whatever. i was at the hospital visiting dianna, and while i was talking to her my grandmother steps right between us and interrupts my conversation to talk to her. Like, hello? weren't you always saying to use manners when i was a kid? way to return the fucking favor. And everything that she does lately just seems like shes TRYING to irritate me, which i know isn't it, but it just feels that way.
I'm excited to go to college. I'm excited to get away from all this bullshit. I hate milford drama. I hate milford assholes. I hate milford drivers. I hate milford. period.
And i hate working at subway. It's no fun anymore. Zack's gone. Fred's gone. Emery's gone. Cameras are on alot more. We have to count the bread. PJ stays later. I feel like i'm babysitting the new kids rather than working with them. It sucks. The other job isn't great either. I feel like falling asleep for an hour on one of the empty beds. I don't get visitors. I'm bored out of my skull. My aunt's eating habits, i have found, are disgusting. Michael drives me up a fucking wall. Him and his gay self should just die sometimes. Lucy is a pain in the ass. "I can't do this because i had a car accident" yeeaah...that was how long ago? and you can only come into work for 3 hours? She leaves me with SO much to do that she could have done earlier in the day, yet refused, and instead took a walk to peter pan and got pizza. WTFFF!?!? I can NOT wait til i'm done there.
So all in all, my life feels like it's going down the drain and i just have to smile and say Hey, shit happens...