(no subject)
I look at Alyssa and Nate and I see what I used to have. That sure happiness. The dependibility on that one person and it makes me so sad. Its weird to think about. Before alyssa used to look up to what me and sonny had and now Im looking up at her and nate wishing I still had it. Its hard to go through. Thats why I dont want to get that serious with anyone again for a while. I deffinantly never saw it coming. I didnt plan on falling in love or getting hurt. Its just how shit happened but I cant whine about it I have to be strong and move on. I know Ill never be able to forget him or fall completely out of love with him but I just want to say I have what we had. I hate this dumb shit. Its so gay. I cant lie though-->That was the best one year, six months I have ever had. Bumpy at times but for the most part it was a smooth ride. There are times we are both buttheads. I forgive him for everything now that he's gone. I keep looking to see him but He's never there. I always forget he isnt .m.i.n.e. It sucks. But I am tired of these headaches-this heart ache-and this brain freeze. I hate being stuck on one thing. I know I will make it through this and me and him will probably be together again in another lifetime. Im happy for Alyssa and Nate but It is gunna even hurt me when her good thing ends. I love her with all my heart. I love Sonny with all my heart. I guess sometimes-Love just isnt enough.