Again I feel...
Like everything is going in a circle. I wake up and go to a job I hate, come home and lay around, Kevin comes over, we have dinner, watch movies, go to bed....And then I all starts again. I'm still not off the lease for the apt I'm not living in because the manager is a cunt. I'm trying to seek legal action. This will be the third month I haven't lived there and yet I'm still paying rent. LAME.
I just feel like I'm not allowed to be me anymore because my boyfriend wants better things for me. I know I need a better job so that hopefully the move to Ann Arbor can happen. I need out of where I am cuz I'm just not making enough money. But there isn't much in line of jobs and I don't want to sacrafice who I am to get one either. I've been told I can't get any new ear piercings until I get a new job....Yeah. He doesn't even want me to get my nautical stars filled in! It's MY friggen money and as long as rent gets paid I don't see why I need to worry that much...For crying out loud! I'm trying to get into another job, need to apply after work tomorrow and take my resume up there also. Veronica is designing it for me so it'll look awesome. And then I'll have it.
I need to work out so I won't look like a whale come Sept for Kevins brothers wedding...And I never have the energy or motivation to do it. I'm trying to eat better and mostly failing at that too. I feel like I'm trapped and can't get away...I hate it.
I need a vacation for my sanity, but I need money for that, which means a new job, and I don't have the time for a vacation cause if I take time off I'm just losing money I need to pay for the place I'm not even living. What part of that makes sense? None of it...
I love Kevin but I feel like I'm more of a burden than anything and that really bothers me...I've been very deppressed lately and there are days it takes everything I am just to get out of bed and go to work. I love my co-workers(cept one) but I can't stand the drama at the place anymore! I just feel like I'm not good enough for him anymore, if I ever was in the first place.
I don't know....Sometimes I wonder if he'd be better off if I just broke up with him. The though alone makes me want to cry but he needs to see his friends and do better things with his job but he's here every night with me. Gah...I just don't know....I want to dissappear and start again somewhere new where no one knows my name and it doesn't matter. Ya know?
Someone help....
I just feel like I'm not allowed to be me anymore because my boyfriend wants better things for me. I know I need a better job so that hopefully the move to Ann Arbor can happen. I need out of where I am cuz I'm just not making enough money. But there isn't much in line of jobs and I don't want to sacrafice who I am to get one either. I've been told I can't get any new ear piercings until I get a new job....Yeah. He doesn't even want me to get my nautical stars filled in! It's MY friggen money and as long as rent gets paid I don't see why I need to worry that much...For crying out loud! I'm trying to get into another job, need to apply after work tomorrow and take my resume up there also. Veronica is designing it for me so it'll look awesome. And then I'll have it.
I need to work out so I won't look like a whale come Sept for Kevins brothers wedding...And I never have the energy or motivation to do it. I'm trying to eat better and mostly failing at that too. I feel like I'm trapped and can't get away...I hate it.
I need a vacation for my sanity, but I need money for that, which means a new job, and I don't have the time for a vacation cause if I take time off I'm just losing money I need to pay for the place I'm not even living. What part of that makes sense? None of it...
I love Kevin but I feel like I'm more of a burden than anything and that really bothers me...I've been very deppressed lately and there are days it takes everything I am just to get out of bed and go to work. I love my co-workers(cept one) but I can't stand the drama at the place anymore! I just feel like I'm not good enough for him anymore, if I ever was in the first place.
I don't know....Sometimes I wonder if he'd be better off if I just broke up with him. The though alone makes me want to cry but he needs to see his friends and do better things with his job but he's here every night with me. Gah...I just don't know....I want to dissappear and start again somewhere new where no one knows my name and it doesn't matter. Ya know?
Someone help....