(no subject)
yup...still not used to the lonliness.
when will I start to appreciate weeks spent alone?
How do I break out of a cycle like this...
Awkward around most people because of no common intrests, etc - no desire to be in that awkward state so I keep to myself - start to hate lonliness - once again hang out with people . . .
repeat.
Why didn't I try harder to keep friends my entire life?
they're fucking hard to come by.
I'll try not to set serious expectations, but I hope this bit improves slightly back home. After all I could at least watch a movie with my mom or something.
An entire huge apartment going to waste with one miserable lonely life occupying it.
I don't have a lot of magic with my kids. There's serious communication problems and I get frustrated after reminding myself not to over and over again.
I imagine they picture my life after school just as it is. Lonely. They might think I'm an evil witch or something. . .
There's a single old woman who lives in this building. She's always hanging around outside and it's obvious that the best parts of her day are morning and evening when she gets to interact with people leaving and coming home for work. He face brightens and she slaps me on the back and tries to strike up a conversation with me when she damn well knows I can't speak her language. I realize I have some in common with this woman, and I'm proud of her for being as social as she is.
I realize i only use this journal when I'm feeling miserable. Trust me, I have good days. In fact, maybe every day I don't post is a good day. It's kind of like an accident log - good to see it empty..
when will I start to appreciate weeks spent alone?
How do I break out of a cycle like this...
Awkward around most people because of no common intrests, etc - no desire to be in that awkward state so I keep to myself - start to hate lonliness - once again hang out with people . . .
repeat.
Why didn't I try harder to keep friends my entire life?
they're fucking hard to come by.
I'll try not to set serious expectations, but I hope this bit improves slightly back home. After all I could at least watch a movie with my mom or something.
An entire huge apartment going to waste with one miserable lonely life occupying it.
I don't have a lot of magic with my kids. There's serious communication problems and I get frustrated after reminding myself not to over and over again.
I imagine they picture my life after school just as it is. Lonely. They might think I'm an evil witch or something. . .
There's a single old woman who lives in this building. She's always hanging around outside and it's obvious that the best parts of her day are morning and evening when she gets to interact with people leaving and coming home for work. He face brightens and she slaps me on the back and tries to strike up a conversation with me when she damn well knows I can't speak her language. I realize I have some in common with this woman, and I'm proud of her for being as social as she is.
I realize i only use this journal when I'm feeling miserable. Trust me, I have good days. In fact, maybe every day I don't post is a good day. It's kind of like an accident log - good to see it empty..