to my Little Star ☆
Do Kyungsoo,
January 12th 1993.
It was the day which you were born, tiny and as fragile as those fluttering snowflakes in a cold winter day. I wonder how your eyes shine as your mom kisses the soft side of your cheeks; I bet she knows how your eyes do the trick; like it’s made of shooting stars and light feathers of sunbeam, captivating and mesmerizing each soul that has seen the depth beneath that brown hazel eyes.
I don’t think I’ve seen it,
but when I see that twinkling eyes and warm smiles,
I am your captive.
☆
And Kyungsoo, if I was honest,
you remind me of all the gentle things in life.
like how my heart melts at the sight of a sea.
like tea on a rainy day.
or big warm sweaters to sleep in.
you remind me of all the safe things in life,
like a hand to grasp,
or a shoulder to lean on when i cry.
you remind me of all the reasons to take a chance,
like when things seem out of reach,
and a place seems so far away.
(or maybe it’s you, that is so far far away).
you remind me of all the beautiful things in life,
like the stars in the night sky,
or the way your face lights up when you smile.
(yes, you’re my star).
☆
It’s like walking in a mall and seeing the same person over and over again,
making eye contact every time and trying not to look away,
but knowing that whatever it would be,
you eventually have to,
and each time you see that person, you realize that this is different.
you start to question what he sounds like,
you wonder if he likes to snuggle up on the couch in his sweater with a book in hands and the light from the muted television in the living room,
just like you.
you wonder what it’s like to know their touch,
to know their lips.
to know their kiss.
to know their love.
you wonder what it’s like to be his,
and what it’s like to have him as yours.
☆
The you is me.
But the truth dwells in and I know I will not have my chance, will never have my chance.
I will just sit here and wonder what would happened in our first meet.
Maybe you’re going to smile when you see me, or maybe you’re not.
Maybe your heart skips a beat, like mine does when I see your eyes. Maybe you always want to see me; just as much as I desperately wanting to see a glimpse of you even in my deepest dreams. Maybe my smiles would make your days everytime you see me, maybe you will look at me, ruffle my hair and laugh at all of my stupid jokes, or maybe, once in a while, you would stop and think ‘She’s so silly but I like her that way.’
Or maybe it will be just as simple as meeting a stranger when you cross the street, when the pedestrian lamp goes green,
and you thought of nothing as you walk in.
I have no idea,
but I wish I had.
☆
So here it goes,
I will not have my chance, or maybe I’ve missed my chance,
they bouth sound exactly the same as how my heart aches when it hears you.
I will never know if you like to to snuggle up on the couch in your sweater with a book in hands and the light from the muted television in the living room,
or if you ever felt the same,
and I will never know your touch,
your lips,
your kiss,
your love.
☆
But hey Kyungsoo,
I will never forget you.