And with a broken wing she still sings
Take Back the Night 05
Originally uploaded by matchbox cars and legos. I just needed to get out of Charlottesville. I went to Richmond Friday and I spent all day Saturday at Sherando Lake. Today I came back, dyed my hair, read on the roof and then didn't stop moving (due to Take Back the Night stuff) from 1:30 until 10:30. At which point I did a little bit of coming unglued.
I need by big. She's loved me at my worst, when she was at her worst and she still loves me now. Who else on the worst week of their college experience would spend three hours in the freezing cold sitting in her car outside my dorm just to hear me ramble? And not just once, but almost daily? I mean really, who else would let me share her single bed because I didn't want to go back to mine when really, she didn't want to be in her bed at all?
I need my big. I'm already so stressed from this week that I can barely see. No really, everything is kind of blurry like when you first wake up. I don't know how I'll make it to Thursday.
I just need my big. Just to make it through Thursday. I just need to find my spot in the Amphitheatre, sit down, light my candle and have my hand grabbed when I start to shake and a firm "Kim, it's fine" loudly whispered as someone else around us gets up to speak. I just need her to get what I'm trying to say without me speaking. Because when I'm with my big, even if we don't use words, neither of us are silent.
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I just need to trust my intuition, my gut, my sense of reading people. I mean really, what more is gay-dar than being able to read someone? I knew it from day one that I should just go with what I know and not trust anyone else, but no, I'm trying this whole "new Kim" thing and it turned to shit, like I knew it would. But now I look like the dumbshit instead of the confused and trustworthy person I could have appeared to be.
anythingacoustic: dying hair is usually a good distraction when the world around you has suddenly turned to shit
Well, I'm off to make stars for Take Back the Night. Hopefully I'll get a couple hours of sleep tonight after I finish my atmosphere lab and write at least ten pages of my ecology lab.
I figure, after this week, I'll lock myself in my room until graduation and forget about all this bullshit until August.