Disappointed
I'm not too happy with my behavior over the last few weeks. I am still happy overall, but I'm not proud of myself. I have been unmotivated (Is that a word? If it isn't, I'm making it one.) I need to reprioritize, make a new plan, one that I can really maintain. I need alternate plans too, for those unexpected circumstances that happen in life. I need a balance! I try to correct one problem, and cause another in the process. For example, last week I tried to spend more time cleaning and organizing my room, and not coincidentally I was more stressed about schoolwork and less patient with Aidan. If I try to spend more time with my mom to build a better relationship, our talks almost inevitably end in argument. I am not saying my mother is stupid, or that I am superior to her. The facts are that I am in college, my mother never went, and she has not been in school in almost forty years. There are some things that I am certain I know that she is determined to argue. Oh that irritates me, but I suppose that I had to get the argumentative nature from somewhere. I hate that my mind seems frazzled lately, my memory is horrible, and I am starting to feel out of control. Fortunately, Spring Break is a week away. If anyone here in the 260 is doing anything, let me know. I think I want to do something 21+ at least one night, but I'm up for just about anything. I'm planning to do all of my schoolwork/housework/gym/other duties in the morning, so I should be free almost any evening. Aidan and I will probably venture to Indianapolis for a day, maybe two, and most likely either the weekend of March 3-5 or March 10-12. I just wish we could have made it to see my father and brother in South Carolina, but once again, I didn't plan in time to get everything ready. I've got too much school work to do, a midterm paper and project, and school is just too important to me now to jeopardize my grades any further. My last class is May 2, and I probably won't be able to start work until the end of May/beginning of June, so I should plan to take the first two weeks after classes end to visit my father and brother. Then they'll be up here for my brother's wedding June 10, so hopefully they'll stay an extra day or two. Aidan was mentioning "PaPa" today and I wasn't sure what to tell him. I just told him the truth, that PaPa isn't here anymore and hopefully we'll see him soon. It breaks my figurative heart a little each time I have to tell Aidan that his PaPa and Uncle Steve are gone. Okay, time to write in my journal and go to sleep.