(no subject)
Politics and Geekdom:
I didn't write this is was sent to me and I don't know who put it together but it's wonderful.
*GM:* OK, the bugbear attacks you. What do you do?
*OBAMA:* I send one of my 672 henchmen after it.
*MCCAIN:* OK, seriously. Why does he have so many henchmen? I'm a level 72 ranger and he's only a level 8 paladin.
*OBAMA: *Well, if you'd bought the Grassroots Organizing and Oratory/Colgate Smile proficiencies you could min max it so that you...
*MCCAIN:* Why is he even IN this campaign? I thought this was supposed to be a high level party.
*OBAMA:* Well, maybe some people got tired of the grim and squinty "Matterhorn, son of Marathon" shtick you keep doing. Dude, could you be any less original?
*MCCAIN:* Oh my god, I did not leave my left nut in a tiger cage in the Tomb of Horrors to spend my Friday nights mopping up after the new kid.
*OBAMA: *"My friends, I am a totally unoriginal grizzled character class stereotype. I should lead the party because I have more testicular damage than that one."
*MCCAIN:* Yeah, well, you pal around with dark elves.
*OBAMA:* OH NO YOU DIDN'T!
*MCCAIN:* Whatever, so's your mom.
*OBAMA:* So's your FACE.
*MCCAIN:* So's your Mom's face!
*HILARY:* WTF you guys. Why am I playing the cleric?
*MCCAIN:* Hilary, we've been over this.
*HILARY:* No, dude. I am so sick of being the girlfriend healer.
Seriously, I can't even use a sword. Fuck this noise.
*KUCINICH:* IM A BARD!
*OBAMA:* That's nice.
*KUCINICH:* MY FAMILIAR IS A PURPLE SNOW LEOPARD!
*MCCAIN:* Oh, Jesus. Here we go.
*KUCINICH:* DID I MENTION MY WIFE IS A TOTALLY BANGIN DRYAD WITH 20
CHARISMA!!!!!!!!
*HILARY:* C'mon you guys, I've been playing this shit since Gygax was in eighth grade. Why can't I be the party leader with the magic sword for once?
*MCCAIN:* Because no one wants to see you in a bronze bra.
*OBAMA:* Oh dude, BURRRRRNNNN.
*HILARY:* SCREW YOU, Grandpa. I will so kick your ass.
*MCCAIN:* Yeah? Bring it! I didn't spend 3 years in the Abyss with
Githzerai hooking my nads up to a car battery to get beat by some Wellesley girl.
*HILARY:* WHATEVER, you can't even lift your arms over your head.
*RON PAUL:* I brought my Planescape character!
*OBAMA:* Dude, we're playing Forgotten Realms.
*RON PAUL:* I rift in from Sigil! I'm a Chaotic Neutral Tiefling
Barbarian/Monk/Rogue!
*MCCAIN:* DUDE, that is not even LEGAL.
*RON PAUL:* Ronpaul the Barbarian say: suck it! Guns and abortions and
weed for everyone! WHEEE!
*PALIN:* Hi folks! Sorry I'm late! I brought caribou burgers.
*HILARY:* Who the HELL is this?
*MCCAIN:* It's cool, she's with me.
*HILARY:* No! No, it's not cool! Every time you bring one of your
rodeo-queen girlfriends in here she ends up playing some succubus
infiltrator and killing the whole party!
*MCCAIN:* Now, that is patently untrue.
*BIDEN:* He has a point. Cindy turned out to be a vampire.
*MCCAIN: *DUDE. SHUT UP!
*GM:* You guys, seriously, if you don't knock it off with the bickering I'm going to start docking experience points.
*MCCAIN: *You know what? Fuck it. I'm suspending the campaign.
*GM:* You can't do that! Only I can suspend the campaign! I didn't suspend it for the 1988 Mountain Dew shortage and I'm not going to suspend it now.
*KUCINICH:* YOU GUYS I AM TOTALLY CASTING A CANTRIP.
*MCCAIN: *Oh my god, Dennis, shut up, you don't even count.
*KUCINICH:* YOU GUYS ARE DICKS!
*BIDEN:* Where are the Cheetos?
*RON PAUL: *Wait. What happen to tiny Mormon Man?
*GM:* You find Mitt's lifeless, drained corpse and it's been stuffed in the broom closet.
*HILARY:* Oh, God DAMMIT.
*MCCAIN:* Not ok! NOT OK!
*OBAMA:* What, I didn't even get a detect evil roll for that one?
*HILARY:* I TOLD you she was a succubus, but did anyone listen? Oohhhhh no, Hilary's just jealous of the beauty queen.
*RON PAUL:* Pretty Lady screw Mitt lifeless. Ronpaul SMASH!!
*MCCAIN:* Would you please go light up a spliff and stay out of this? The grown ups are talking.
*RON PAUL:* Why pretty lady suck life out of Mitt and not Ronpaul? Not
fair!
*HILARY:* I mean, never mind that I'm the one with 17 Wisdom, but does
anyone listen to the girl? Noooooo.
*RON PAUL:* Also Mitt have stupid name. Who name kid after baseball
equipment?
*KUCINICH: *HAY YOU GUYS CHECK OUT MY HEAD OF VECNA TRICK!
*HILARY: *This never would have happened when Tim Russert was our GM.
*GM:* You know what? Forget it. Rocks fall, everyone dies.
*OBAMA:* Screw you guys. I'm going to go play Bunnies and Burrows at Jon Stewart's house.
*HILARY:* Me too.
*MCCAIN:* Me too.
*KUCINICH: *GAZEBO!
I didn't write this is was sent to me and I don't know who put it together but it's wonderful.
*GM:* OK, the bugbear attacks you. What do you do?
*OBAMA:* I send one of my 672 henchmen after it.
*MCCAIN:* OK, seriously. Why does he have so many henchmen? I'm a level 72 ranger and he's only a level 8 paladin.
*OBAMA: *Well, if you'd bought the Grassroots Organizing and Oratory/Colgate Smile proficiencies you could min max it so that you...
*MCCAIN:* Why is he even IN this campaign? I thought this was supposed to be a high level party.
*OBAMA:* Well, maybe some people got tired of the grim and squinty "Matterhorn, son of Marathon" shtick you keep doing. Dude, could you be any less original?
*MCCAIN:* Oh my god, I did not leave my left nut in a tiger cage in the Tomb of Horrors to spend my Friday nights mopping up after the new kid.
*OBAMA: *"My friends, I am a totally unoriginal grizzled character class stereotype. I should lead the party because I have more testicular damage than that one."
*MCCAIN:* Yeah, well, you pal around with dark elves.
*OBAMA:* OH NO YOU DIDN'T!
*MCCAIN:* Whatever, so's your mom.
*OBAMA:* So's your FACE.
*MCCAIN:* So's your Mom's face!
*HILARY:* WTF you guys. Why am I playing the cleric?
*MCCAIN:* Hilary, we've been over this.
*HILARY:* No, dude. I am so sick of being the girlfriend healer.
Seriously, I can't even use a sword. Fuck this noise.
*KUCINICH:* IM A BARD!
*OBAMA:* That's nice.
*KUCINICH:* MY FAMILIAR IS A PURPLE SNOW LEOPARD!
*MCCAIN:* Oh, Jesus. Here we go.
*KUCINICH:* DID I MENTION MY WIFE IS A TOTALLY BANGIN DRYAD WITH 20
CHARISMA!!!!!!!!
*HILARY:* C'mon you guys, I've been playing this shit since Gygax was in eighth grade. Why can't I be the party leader with the magic sword for once?
*MCCAIN:* Because no one wants to see you in a bronze bra.
*OBAMA:* Oh dude, BURRRRRNNNN.
*HILARY:* SCREW YOU, Grandpa. I will so kick your ass.
*MCCAIN:* Yeah? Bring it! I didn't spend 3 years in the Abyss with
Githzerai hooking my nads up to a car battery to get beat by some Wellesley girl.
*HILARY:* WHATEVER, you can't even lift your arms over your head.
*RON PAUL:* I brought my Planescape character!
*OBAMA:* Dude, we're playing Forgotten Realms.
*RON PAUL:* I rift in from Sigil! I'm a Chaotic Neutral Tiefling
Barbarian/Monk/Rogue!
*MCCAIN:* DUDE, that is not even LEGAL.
*RON PAUL:* Ronpaul the Barbarian say: suck it! Guns and abortions and
weed for everyone! WHEEE!
*PALIN:* Hi folks! Sorry I'm late! I brought caribou burgers.
*HILARY:* Who the HELL is this?
*MCCAIN:* It's cool, she's with me.
*HILARY:* No! No, it's not cool! Every time you bring one of your
rodeo-queen girlfriends in here she ends up playing some succubus
infiltrator and killing the whole party!
*MCCAIN:* Now, that is patently untrue.
*BIDEN:* He has a point. Cindy turned out to be a vampire.
*MCCAIN: *DUDE. SHUT UP!
*GM:* You guys, seriously, if you don't knock it off with the bickering I'm going to start docking experience points.
*MCCAIN: *You know what? Fuck it. I'm suspending the campaign.
*GM:* You can't do that! Only I can suspend the campaign! I didn't suspend it for the 1988 Mountain Dew shortage and I'm not going to suspend it now.
*KUCINICH:* YOU GUYS I AM TOTALLY CASTING A CANTRIP.
*MCCAIN: *Oh my god, Dennis, shut up, you don't even count.
*KUCINICH:* YOU GUYS ARE DICKS!
*BIDEN:* Where are the Cheetos?
*RON PAUL: *Wait. What happen to tiny Mormon Man?
*GM:* You find Mitt's lifeless, drained corpse and it's been stuffed in the broom closet.
*HILARY:* Oh, God DAMMIT.
*MCCAIN:* Not ok! NOT OK!
*OBAMA:* What, I didn't even get a detect evil roll for that one?
*HILARY:* I TOLD you she was a succubus, but did anyone listen? Oohhhhh no, Hilary's just jealous of the beauty queen.
*RON PAUL:* Pretty Lady screw Mitt lifeless. Ronpaul SMASH!!
*MCCAIN:* Would you please go light up a spliff and stay out of this? The grown ups are talking.
*RON PAUL:* Why pretty lady suck life out of Mitt and not Ronpaul? Not
fair!
*HILARY:* I mean, never mind that I'm the one with 17 Wisdom, but does
anyone listen to the girl? Noooooo.
*RON PAUL:* Also Mitt have stupid name. Who name kid after baseball
equipment?
*KUCINICH: *HAY YOU GUYS CHECK OUT MY HEAD OF VECNA TRICK!
*HILARY: *This never would have happened when Tim Russert was our GM.
*GM:* You know what? Forget it. Rocks fall, everyone dies.
*OBAMA:* Screw you guys. I'm going to go play Bunnies and Burrows at Jon Stewart's house.
*HILARY:* Me too.
*MCCAIN:* Me too.
*KUCINICH: *GAZEBO!