my life is pretty chill
but stupid shit gets to me constantly. and all i want to do is like chill with some friends but then i realize that i don't really have any and the ones i do have don't live very close.
i'm under the impression that some people don't really like me. i don't care i'd just like to know before other people do i don't seem like an idiot later trying to be friends with someone.
and partying is all fine and dandy, but lately all my partying has been like uncool. i guess it's just where i'm at in my life right now, i'm not so care free and fun anymore. because of this whole relationship thing i just get sad when i'm with other people and then i get mad that i'm sad then i get pissed at stupid little things that i laugh about later but i just like, want to party so hard that i don't even remember who i am anymore.
i'm not trying to be like emo or psycho and i know my life isn't that bad and it's not even very stressful and in the grand scale of things, it's pretty sweet. but i just feel, in my head, that it could be better and that drinking and smoking right now isn't the option unless i do it so much that i'm not even me. and i don't really want to get to that point i just want to like chill with people and have fun but i'm not even sure if that's possible at this point.
and it pisses me off that all this is taking such a toll on me when it's not doing shit to other people. they can keep on living their lives and having their fun and hanging out with their friends just chillin when i'm here contemplating my entire life and what the hell i'm going to do with it and i don't even have the capacity to have fun.
which makes me think, why the fuck were you in my life to begin with
so yeah. i'd just like to know if you don't like me. it's fine. i don't need a reason.
i also hate watching movies i've already seen that weren't very awesome to begin with. why do i watch them? to pass the horrible time.
i'm under the impression that some people don't really like me. i don't care i'd just like to know before other people do i don't seem like an idiot later trying to be friends with someone.
and partying is all fine and dandy, but lately all my partying has been like uncool. i guess it's just where i'm at in my life right now, i'm not so care free and fun anymore. because of this whole relationship thing i just get sad when i'm with other people and then i get mad that i'm sad then i get pissed at stupid little things that i laugh about later but i just like, want to party so hard that i don't even remember who i am anymore.
i'm not trying to be like emo or psycho and i know my life isn't that bad and it's not even very stressful and in the grand scale of things, it's pretty sweet. but i just feel, in my head, that it could be better and that drinking and smoking right now isn't the option unless i do it so much that i'm not even me. and i don't really want to get to that point i just want to like chill with people and have fun but i'm not even sure if that's possible at this point.
and it pisses me off that all this is taking such a toll on me when it's not doing shit to other people. they can keep on living their lives and having their fun and hanging out with their friends just chillin when i'm here contemplating my entire life and what the hell i'm going to do with it and i don't even have the capacity to have fun.
which makes me think, why the fuck were you in my life to begin with
so yeah. i'd just like to know if you don't like me. it's fine. i don't need a reason.
i also hate watching movies i've already seen that weren't very awesome to begin with. why do i watch them? to pass the horrible time.