something sort of big just happened
i am no longer friends, or acquaintances, or anything at all with leo.
i was really happy earlier with my life
and then i talked to him for like a minute
and he made me want to kill myself.
so i told him i never wanted to speak to him again.
but in a really mad spoiled kid bratty way.
so then i talked to axel and he said that leo is just that way towards everyone and he's just a dick. that's who he is. that's his personality.
so i decided to apologize for being a bratty little kid and talk things out. and we did. and we both decided it was best for us to just go back to the way things were, and only see eachother if that's what the future had instore for us. instead of talking to eachother and planning to hang out or whatever. because that's what made our whole "friendship" weird.
we are complete opposites of eachother and we did attract at one point, but it totally screwed everything up.
i think one problem is our age difference
and how i'm definitely mature in a way, but then i'm not. and i sort of don't want to be, but i do. and i hang out with older people because sometimes they do match me in maturity, but then after we get to know eachother they realize i am so far behind because i am so young and it just is weird.
right now i'm probably acting mature and seeing all my faults and understanding why this didn't work out. but i still know i haven't grown up yet at all and i won't for a long time and it's nice to understand it, which is sort of mature. but then the fact of the matter is that i'm not mature. so i'm not mature at all, but it is mature that i understand it?
anyway.
it's also partially my personality. because i know i'm a really cool and awesome person, and i always believed thattt..i duno. i should be in everyone's lives because i am the epitome of coolness and everyone needs some of that. but some people don't. obviously, leo does not.
and i do feel sad because it hurts that someone doesn't need me in their life. all i want to do is help, if it's just making life fun or helping if i'm in need. it doesn't matter how, i just want to help and when someone doesn't need my help it's just weird...
so this is definitely the first time this has ever happened to me. usually i meet so many people and they think i'm so cool and i stay in their lives for a while, until they don't need me anymore which is when we lose touch.
but i've never like actually officially gotten out of someone's life. and that is really sad. and it makes me really sad. because i know this probably won't be the first time.
but i do hope that maybe later in my life i can make friends with him again. it probably won't happen, because that is what life is like. and nothing really compares to the moment you officially agree to stop all communication with someone. it's just so fucking weird and cold hearted.
especially something and stupid as this. but i know it's a big deal and life does this shit to you sometimes and...i don't know. i sorta wish it was someone else that i stopped talking to. i don't even know what i'm thinking.
and right now, other than that, i don't have a bad life. i have someone that's gonna hang out with me later today, i'm gonna get wasted this week no matter what, even if it is by myself--which is pretty sad, but it's just something i might have to do sometimes. people should really stop thinking about how pathetic it is because sometimes the pathetic thing is how it's gotta be.
but..i have a guy that i like that i'm becoming better friends with steadily. i meet lots of people randomly because i am hot and they like to come up to me and talk to me and know who i am. which makes me totally happy.
i don't have a lot to complain about, but i'm complaining about this. and it sucks that i have to act so mature about it when really i just wanna throw a fit because it's not right and things shouldn't end this way. but i'm just trying to be mature because that's all i can do about it and nothing will change the fact that i just cut someone off from my life.
i care a lot, but i don't care enough to cry. i care a lot, but i don't care enough to call and say that it shouldn't be this way. i care a lot, but i don't care enough to ever talk to him again about anything.
it's just a strange situation and hopefully i have learned from it and will never have to end something that way ever again. and this definitely gives me fuel, in a way. i sort of wonder how many times this ever happens in a person's life...
GOD IT'S SO FUCKING WEIRD.
i'm just gonna..i guess... fucking not think about it. and not think about sad shit. fuck this, now i'm mad.
i was really happy earlier with my life
and then i talked to him for like a minute
and he made me want to kill myself.
so i told him i never wanted to speak to him again.
but in a really mad spoiled kid bratty way.
so then i talked to axel and he said that leo is just that way towards everyone and he's just a dick. that's who he is. that's his personality.
so i decided to apologize for being a bratty little kid and talk things out. and we did. and we both decided it was best for us to just go back to the way things were, and only see eachother if that's what the future had instore for us. instead of talking to eachother and planning to hang out or whatever. because that's what made our whole "friendship" weird.
we are complete opposites of eachother and we did attract at one point, but it totally screwed everything up.
i think one problem is our age difference
and how i'm definitely mature in a way, but then i'm not. and i sort of don't want to be, but i do. and i hang out with older people because sometimes they do match me in maturity, but then after we get to know eachother they realize i am so far behind because i am so young and it just is weird.
right now i'm probably acting mature and seeing all my faults and understanding why this didn't work out. but i still know i haven't grown up yet at all and i won't for a long time and it's nice to understand it, which is sort of mature. but then the fact of the matter is that i'm not mature. so i'm not mature at all, but it is mature that i understand it?
anyway.
it's also partially my personality. because i know i'm a really cool and awesome person, and i always believed thattt..i duno. i should be in everyone's lives because i am the epitome of coolness and everyone needs some of that. but some people don't. obviously, leo does not.
and i do feel sad because it hurts that someone doesn't need me in their life. all i want to do is help, if it's just making life fun or helping if i'm in need. it doesn't matter how, i just want to help and when someone doesn't need my help it's just weird...
so this is definitely the first time this has ever happened to me. usually i meet so many people and they think i'm so cool and i stay in their lives for a while, until they don't need me anymore which is when we lose touch.
but i've never like actually officially gotten out of someone's life. and that is really sad. and it makes me really sad. because i know this probably won't be the first time.
but i do hope that maybe later in my life i can make friends with him again. it probably won't happen, because that is what life is like. and nothing really compares to the moment you officially agree to stop all communication with someone. it's just so fucking weird and cold hearted.
especially something and stupid as this. but i know it's a big deal and life does this shit to you sometimes and...i don't know. i sorta wish it was someone else that i stopped talking to. i don't even know what i'm thinking.
and right now, other than that, i don't have a bad life. i have someone that's gonna hang out with me later today, i'm gonna get wasted this week no matter what, even if it is by myself--which is pretty sad, but it's just something i might have to do sometimes. people should really stop thinking about how pathetic it is because sometimes the pathetic thing is how it's gotta be.
but..i have a guy that i like that i'm becoming better friends with steadily. i meet lots of people randomly because i am hot and they like to come up to me and talk to me and know who i am. which makes me totally happy.
i don't have a lot to complain about, but i'm complaining about this. and it sucks that i have to act so mature about it when really i just wanna throw a fit because it's not right and things shouldn't end this way. but i'm just trying to be mature because that's all i can do about it and nothing will change the fact that i just cut someone off from my life.
i care a lot, but i don't care enough to cry. i care a lot, but i don't care enough to call and say that it shouldn't be this way. i care a lot, but i don't care enough to ever talk to him again about anything.
it's just a strange situation and hopefully i have learned from it and will never have to end something that way ever again. and this definitely gives me fuel, in a way. i sort of wonder how many times this ever happens in a person's life...
GOD IT'S SO FUCKING WEIRD.
i'm just gonna..i guess... fucking not think about it. and not think about sad shit. fuck this, now i'm mad.