Man my life is weird.
Crap of Life:
Strep throat
Someone rear-ended me
Had a serious health scare
Can't get the insurance company to give me an estimate on my car
Almost ruined any chance I'll ever have with two of the best men who have been in my life in a long fucking time
How it all Worked Out:
Got rid of the strep throat with antibiotics that gave me a yeast infection
My car is still driveable, but not for long distances
The doc said that the problem should go away on its own and I should be fine... I find out in three months
Going to try again tomorrow to get my car appraised
I'm still friends with both, hurt both immensely; I haven't fucked things up completely, but damaged a lot
Conclusion:
I must have either done something terribly wrong lately or I'm working on getting all the bad crap in my life over with now so I won't have another bout of it for a few dozen years. Either way, it was a lot of stuff to deal with at one time. I hate that the thing that is worst in my life right now is my own doing. I feel chronically sick to my stomach and I have this distinct feeling of self-loathing, which is an emotion I have not experienced since I was 16 or so. I don't like it. I need to feel better for the sake of the people I love. For the person I love. That isn't to say I shouldn't still feel bad for what I've done, but I need to stop hating myself over it. Done is done; I'm doing whatever I can to make up for my misdeeds and rebuild trust with my two friends. I hope it's enough.
So, pretty much... I'm not doing the best right now, but I'm working on making things better again. I look forward to being happy again.
Strep throat
Someone rear-ended me
Had a serious health scare
Can't get the insurance company to give me an estimate on my car
Almost ruined any chance I'll ever have with two of the best men who have been in my life in a long fucking time
How it all Worked Out:
Got rid of the strep throat with antibiotics that gave me a yeast infection
My car is still driveable, but not for long distances
The doc said that the problem should go away on its own and I should be fine... I find out in three months
Going to try again tomorrow to get my car appraised
I'm still friends with both, hurt both immensely; I haven't fucked things up completely, but damaged a lot
Conclusion:
I must have either done something terribly wrong lately or I'm working on getting all the bad crap in my life over with now so I won't have another bout of it for a few dozen years. Either way, it was a lot of stuff to deal with at one time. I hate that the thing that is worst in my life right now is my own doing. I feel chronically sick to my stomach and I have this distinct feeling of self-loathing, which is an emotion I have not experienced since I was 16 or so. I don't like it. I need to feel better for the sake of the people I love. For the person I love. That isn't to say I shouldn't still feel bad for what I've done, but I need to stop hating myself over it. Done is done; I'm doing whatever I can to make up for my misdeeds and rebuild trust with my two friends. I hope it's enough.
So, pretty much... I'm not doing the best right now, but I'm working on making things better again. I look forward to being happy again.