(Oneshot) Feelings; Hug
Feelings; Hug
Suho-centric, mini!SuBaek
Angst (character study oops)
PG for swearing, 1124 words
Suho gets to feel tired sometimes. He owes himself that much.
(a/n: unbetaed bc I just wrote this thing in one shot and I can't be arsed to check again so angsty ugh pls crit I swear I don't bite I'm sorry English I kinda butchered you /sadfaces)
A/n: Crossposted at AFF here
The thing is, being a leader is not a glory one can/should/would brag of because leadership is a relationship first and foremost. It's a two-way street (in his case it's a one-to-eleven uh oh) that should be filled with trust and understanding (and respect)-- and Joonmyeon knows he gets them from his members; it's just that the respect is pretty lacking on-camera and off-camera sometimes and that kind of bums him out. He's learned early on and agreed even that his persona should be of this bright, happy hyung that is a softie and a sucker for his bratty suckers of dongsaengs and he really is, he embraces this persona like a chameleon because it's him personified and he doesn't even blink when he slips Taozi a warm hand at the waist, and his plastic card to Kyungsoo, and his entire life and dedication to keeping his group under control as they bloom amidst notes and melody but--
Sometimes it gets a bit too much and he's really not up to his favorite bonding-moment family-meeting which is really his poor excuse of trying to smother Sehun with hugs and smiles and calculated advice because being a maknae is hard and he thinks Sehun could do with a bit of help trying to navigate through 10 people, all wanting to both baby and torture him. Oh and Jongdae definitely needs it; the one time when Korean and confidence seeps out of his pores in complete ease and complete sync, with Baekhyun and Chanyeol (and the rest of the team actually, he's a good kid) at least. Joonmyeon doesn't really like the hazy version of Jongdae, the Jongdae that tunes out of Mandarin interviews, laughing only when Luhan pokes him as a signal or when Kris prompts his name out, a known variable amongst foreign roll of words and intonation that Jongdae doesn't really feel confident enough to let past his kitty curls of lips. Joonmyeon's glad Kris is such a generous leader, praising his M members endlessly and not sounding like a well-oiled machine whirring to life according to script and years of practice--
Which is what Joonmyeon feels most of the times. The last part especially, he thinks. Like how the apple of his cheeks involuntarily lift and he spurts out semi-memorized and yet maybe-probably genuine responses everytime faceless people ask him about their latest song, latest dance formation, latest cf filming, latest runway walk, latest everything. Yeah. A bit like that. He tries to be as genuine as he can. Apparently you can judge a person's sincerity based on a snapshot, a moving picture consisting of 15 frames, a 15 second clip of voice-- all his, all compressed into truth; bless technology.
He's just whining. He's always sidetracked whenever he wants to give in to his selfish little feelings, maybe a bit under appreciated and a whole lot overworked. He always feels like he's not good enough because he trained the longest, he knows all the theories when it comes to being idols and yet he still flails around wondering why else would the kids talk noisily when he's trying to rein them in, pranks him when he really doesn't want (need) to deal with their childish little plans and just--
Joonmyeon comes home from yet another meeting where he's told (read: nagged/scolded/blamed; ah details, at this point they are all synonyms, bless words, bless language, fuck linguistics) that their next filming will be postponed for at least 3 days because Jongin's sprained his ankle again and the swelling isn't going down and will he please ice that ankle 24-7 because {we don't have time}
He swears he didn't mean to slam the front door, especially not with the way that the kids cheer at his return like the bunch of 5 year olds they are, bless these babies, but this time it's an honest mistake because please tell him he's allowed to misjudge his strength right?
But he did anyway and there's no turning back and it looks like tonight's family meeting is postponed until further notice because he's feeling a bit under the weather please Taozi hyung has a headache I'll just sleep a bit have fun guys do you have food here's my card you can call for anything and they all part like the Red Sea.
He doesn't lock the door; doesn't peel his pink-blue socks off, doesn't shrug off the suffocating ugly cat pattern sweater he snitched from Jongdae's wardrobe, doesn't bother with his entire fucking self because "fuck, I'm so fucking tired." Even that whisper into a pillow that needs a wash or two makes him feel a little lighter and yet weighs a little burden in one of the crevices of his heart.
Surprisingly this time it's Baekhyun that tiptoes in and Joonmyeon knows it's noisy bratty Byunbaek because kid has the noisiest way of trying to be quiet.
"I told you I'm tired." He groans and burrows deeper and ugh the stench is a bit annoying, do I reek this much?
There's a soft dip of the bed as Baekhyun slips into the mattress properly next to him and he hates it when Baekhyun is being nice because it means he really didn't control himself properly (his face his walk did his shoulder droop that much) just now. He hates it more as Baekhyun's dainty fingers tuck flimsy corners of fabric over his unmoving body and tries to wriggle the warmth off when heat settles on top of his weary body, at the part where bone gets hidden by a plush seat of fat and muscle and fibers.
"Off my butt, Baekhyun-ah." He appreciates Baekhyun always taking one for the team and this time it's no different but some space would be nice--
"I'm going to hug you, hyung." Baekhyun whispers.
Joonmyeon moves a bit with the tiniest chuckle his heavy heart can muster and lets Baekhyun into his embrace instead because Baekhyun isn't as comfortable as Jongdae or Jongin or even Sehun are (Baekhyun's boniness is an issue he'll tackle next he decides, yet again, once the current crop of trouble is solved) but Baekhyun kisses the crown of his head sometimes when the younger thinks no one notices, this blatant display of affection, and he loves that fluttering he gets from that gesture and even if he wants one right now, his hair is greasy.
He'll get respect tomorrow, he knows. Temper tantrums always make his babies docile, for 2 days at least. That means he'll have enough time and patience and composure to ice Jongin's ankle and stop Kris from accidentally breaking someone's IPod/Smartphone/any gadget and the earth will rotate anyway and life will go on. It's okay. He's a protector, he's the protector. He can do that much.
Ps: o m g. First piece since forever, first piece of Exo, and I write an angsty character study of freaking Kim Suho Joonmyeon who has consistently stayed at my Bottom Bias List. Wtf is up with my head. Side effect of continuous looping of Nell's Separation Anxiety, an anthem of mine since 2008. That's a whole 6 years now, bless me.
Pps: please crit? What is tense, what is continuity, what is words, what is eloquence /sobs
Suho-centric, mini!SuBaek
Angst (character study oops)
PG for swearing, 1124 words
Suho gets to feel tired sometimes. He owes himself that much.
(a/n: unbetaed bc I just wrote this thing in one shot and I can't be arsed to check again so angsty ugh pls crit I swear I don't bite I'm sorry English I kinda butchered you /sadfaces)
A/n: Crossposted at AFF here
The thing is, being a leader is not a glory one can/should/would brag of because leadership is a relationship first and foremost. It's a two-way street (in his case it's a one-to-eleven uh oh) that should be filled with trust and understanding (and respect)-- and Joonmyeon knows he gets them from his members; it's just that the respect is pretty lacking on-camera and off-camera sometimes and that kind of bums him out. He's learned early on and agreed even that his persona should be of this bright, happy hyung that is a softie and a sucker for his bratty suckers of dongsaengs and he really is, he embraces this persona like a chameleon because it's him personified and he doesn't even blink when he slips Taozi a warm hand at the waist, and his plastic card to Kyungsoo, and his entire life and dedication to keeping his group under control as they bloom amidst notes and melody but--
Sometimes it gets a bit too much and he's really not up to his favorite bonding-moment family-meeting which is really his poor excuse of trying to smother Sehun with hugs and smiles and calculated advice because being a maknae is hard and he thinks Sehun could do with a bit of help trying to navigate through 10 people, all wanting to both baby and torture him. Oh and Jongdae definitely needs it; the one time when Korean and confidence seeps out of his pores in complete ease and complete sync, with Baekhyun and Chanyeol (and the rest of the team actually, he's a good kid) at least. Joonmyeon doesn't really like the hazy version of Jongdae, the Jongdae that tunes out of Mandarin interviews, laughing only when Luhan pokes him as a signal or when Kris prompts his name out, a known variable amongst foreign roll of words and intonation that Jongdae doesn't really feel confident enough to let past his kitty curls of lips. Joonmyeon's glad Kris is such a generous leader, praising his M members endlessly and not sounding like a well-oiled machine whirring to life according to script and years of practice--
Which is what Joonmyeon feels most of the times. The last part especially, he thinks. Like how the apple of his cheeks involuntarily lift and he spurts out semi-memorized and yet maybe-probably genuine responses everytime faceless people ask him about their latest song, latest dance formation, latest cf filming, latest runway walk, latest everything. Yeah. A bit like that. He tries to be as genuine as he can. Apparently you can judge a person's sincerity based on a snapshot, a moving picture consisting of 15 frames, a 15 second clip of voice-- all his, all compressed into truth; bless technology.
He's just whining. He's always sidetracked whenever he wants to give in to his selfish little feelings, maybe a bit under appreciated and a whole lot overworked. He always feels like he's not good enough because he trained the longest, he knows all the theories when it comes to being idols and yet he still flails around wondering why else would the kids talk noisily when he's trying to rein them in, pranks him when he really doesn't want (need) to deal with their childish little plans and just--
Joonmyeon comes home from yet another meeting where he's told (read: nagged/scolded/blamed; ah details, at this point they are all synonyms, bless words, bless language, fuck linguistics) that their next filming will be postponed for at least 3 days because Jongin's sprained his ankle again and the swelling isn't going down and will he please ice that ankle 24-7 because {we don't have time}
He swears he didn't mean to slam the front door, especially not with the way that the kids cheer at his return like the bunch of 5 year olds they are, bless these babies, but this time it's an honest mistake because please tell him he's allowed to misjudge his strength right?
But he did anyway and there's no turning back and it looks like tonight's family meeting is postponed until further notice because he's feeling a bit under the weather please Taozi hyung has a headache I'll just sleep a bit have fun guys do you have food here's my card you can call for anything and they all part like the Red Sea.
He doesn't lock the door; doesn't peel his pink-blue socks off, doesn't shrug off the suffocating ugly cat pattern sweater he snitched from Jongdae's wardrobe, doesn't bother with his entire fucking self because "fuck, I'm so fucking tired." Even that whisper into a pillow that needs a wash or two makes him feel a little lighter and yet weighs a little burden in one of the crevices of his heart.
Surprisingly this time it's Baekhyun that tiptoes in and Joonmyeon knows it's noisy bratty Byunbaek because kid has the noisiest way of trying to be quiet.
"I told you I'm tired." He groans and burrows deeper and ugh the stench is a bit annoying, do I reek this much?
There's a soft dip of the bed as Baekhyun slips into the mattress properly next to him and he hates it when Baekhyun is being nice because it means he really didn't control himself properly (his face his walk did his shoulder droop that much) just now. He hates it more as Baekhyun's dainty fingers tuck flimsy corners of fabric over his unmoving body and tries to wriggle the warmth off when heat settles on top of his weary body, at the part where bone gets hidden by a plush seat of fat and muscle and fibers.
"Off my butt, Baekhyun-ah." He appreciates Baekhyun always taking one for the team and this time it's no different but some space would be nice--
"I'm going to hug you, hyung." Baekhyun whispers.
Joonmyeon moves a bit with the tiniest chuckle his heavy heart can muster and lets Baekhyun into his embrace instead because Baekhyun isn't as comfortable as Jongdae or Jongin or even Sehun are (Baekhyun's boniness is an issue he'll tackle next he decides, yet again, once the current crop of trouble is solved) but Baekhyun kisses the crown of his head sometimes when the younger thinks no one notices, this blatant display of affection, and he loves that fluttering he gets from that gesture and even if he wants one right now, his hair is greasy.
He'll get respect tomorrow, he knows. Temper tantrums always make his babies docile, for 2 days at least. That means he'll have enough time and patience and composure to ice Jongin's ankle and stop Kris from accidentally breaking someone's IPod/Smartphone/any gadget and the earth will rotate anyway and life will go on. It's okay. He's a protector, he's the protector. He can do that much.
Ps: o m g. First piece since forever, first piece of Exo, and I write an angsty character study of freaking Kim Suho Joonmyeon who has consistently stayed at my Bottom Bias List. Wtf is up with my head. Side effect of continuous looping of Nell's Separation Anxiety, an anthem of mine since 2008. That's a whole 6 years now, bless me.
Pps: please crit? What is tense, what is continuity, what is words, what is eloquence /sobs