paper cranes (9/10)
paper cranes (9/10)
jae-centric, jaesu
pg
angst, AU
paralysed!jae verse
jaejoong learns the price of forgiveness.
ix: i try to say goodbye and i choke; try to walk away and i stumble; though i try to hide it, it's clear; my world crumbles when you are not here
jaejoong trembles in anticipation. even at first glance, he knows that switzerland's a great place to be. even if all he's done is walk between the cargo depot to the customs building; he's seen enough to acknowledge that the view's breathtaking, the air's cold and refreshing, but he's here for a bigger purpose. something that will change his life. a chance for a new beginning, he thinks. a rebirth, like a phoenix. smiling his way through faces he doesn't recognize and slurred words that he doesn't understand- he wants to run out of the arrival hall and see junsu already.
he's been jittery ever since he's set foot on the country. heck, he's been off his elements ever since junsu's letter arrived; his hands shook like mad and tearing the envelope open already takes up nearly five full minutes. he'd recognize junsu's scribble even in a heartbeat- having spent such long time cocooning himself in the latter's room, gazing at nothing. one look at the ticket, the name and the date imprinted on it makes him even more emotional; happiness, doubt, hope, insecurities- it all balled into one big lump of emotional wreckage.
this is junsu, telling him that he's forgiven.
he drags the small luggage carelessly past the gates and revolving doors, eyes roving and combing through bodies and faces, searching for the man he misses so darn much. he circles the area twice, deflating more and more when he doesn't see junsu.
but the date was right- a frown mars his features, and he fishes out the remaining pieces of his boarding pass. where are you, junsu-yah?
he feels stupid when he realizes that he's in a country whose language he's not fluent in, prepped with only a chunk of cash and no numbers to call in case of mishaps- as such the one he's in at the moment.
stupid, stupid, stupid. kim jaejoong is stupid. he mutters, eyes downcast as he stands still in between jostling crowd. stupid, stupid-
jae!
he looks up, startled-
yoochun. he blinks, mouth slightly open, before he's swept into a bone-crushing hug by the said man. unf- cant- breath-
sorry, sorry- hey man, welcome! yoochun grins wide and earnest, eyes sparkling. how was the flight? was it too long? was it boring? did you sleep all the way through? are you tired right now? are you hungry? when was the last time you ate?
one by one, you're too fast. jaejoong's dizzy, the words are swarming and ricocheting within his head. he clears his throat once, and lets yoochun take hold of his luggage. he tiptoes, still searching- where's junsu?
yoochun smiles softly.
he's on house arrest. jaejoong looks perplexed, so he waves airily- he's broken three glasses already, kiddo's too nervous for his own good. i told him to stay put and not move while i get you. i bet he'll have broken another two glasses by the time we get home. yoochun's face contorts in both displeasure and resignation.
jaejoong has enough grace to blush, his heart thudding with nerves.
oh man- yoochun groans, face scrunched up. stop making mushy faces, i can't take it. by the way, we're staying in my house. i'm taking my usual wing, so you and junsu can have the south wing for yourselves. resolve whatever that's still unsolved, and then we can live like normal human beings, happily ever after, okay?
happy ever after doesn't exist, yoochun. jaejoong deadpans.
yoochun merely nods. maybe not for me, but i'm going to make it happen for you. come on, my car's over there.
you need some time to prepare? yoochun pokes his head inside the car, only his white teeth visible in the dead of the night. i can give you a minute. let me go inside first and call junsu down, he should be sleeping right now. he's sleeping his days away anyway, and i'm not happy with that-
jaejoong panics. meet junsu? so soon? he wipes at his face, his eyes, the corner of his mouth- he'd slept like a baby during the journey, lulled into fitful slumber by yoochun's random chattering. he pats himself down, smoothing the flyaway hairs and scrambles around looking for breath refresher.
-chill man, the kid's got issues too. he's going to flail around in his room and freak out anyway. i guess you have at least ten minutes to make yourself presentable. come, you can wait in the living room for now. yoochun smirks.
jaejoong's paced up and down the room many times already, and he's still nervous, dammit. he's tried everything- stare at the grandfather clock ticking, admiring the huge intricate tapestry that takes up half of one wall, add chunks of chopped wood into the fireplace; but he's still shaking. he breathes through his mouth five times, then through his nostrils five times to calm the heck down, and repeats it again- but nothing's working. he bites into his knuckles and winces at the pain, temporarily distracted-
hyung?
the voice is small and unsure; jaejoong flips around and stares at the door.
junsu-yah-
as if time has stopped, he forgets even how to breathe. he drinks in the lines of the light illuminating the body, and suddenly he wonders if this is really happening because fuck this feels like a time wrap-
junsu-yah? is that you? junsu?
like water exploding across a pregnant dam, his emotions run amok and he lets his instincts loose as he flies into the open embrace.
stop crying, hyung, you don't look handsome-
jaejoong chuckles amidst the hiccups and rests his tear-stained cheek on the thin flimsy tee junsu, his junsu, is wearing. he's lost track of time; it feels like he's sobbed one month's worth of tears. he feels oddly lethargic, but divinely happy at the same time. wait- he whispers against the fabric, i need to make sure this is really happening. he fists the shirt almost possessively, bringing the smaller man impossibly closer, as close as they can be. the warmth radiating from the other's body is making him lightheaded; he's so tempted to just hug and never ever let go.
he's aware that they're slumped in an ungraceful heap on the floor, still at the door, with junsu patting his back soothing and rhythmically. he burrows deeper into the embrace and enjoys the small chuckles that junsu makes with every ticklish movement he makes. warm arms wrap around his shoulder, reaching for his face and he whimpers as fingers wipes his tears away.
i'm sorry, hyung. junsu's eyes are wide and remorseful, happy and regretful, doubtful and afraid.
no- it's my fault. jaejoong can read through them and it makes his heart clench painfully. i'm a bad man. i got angry and wouldn't forgive you eventhough the accident is not entirely your fault. i treated you badly. i must've hurt you a lot for all those months you were with me, ever since at the hospital and even after i got discharged. he ignores junsu's vehement splutter- i promise i won't do it anymore. i promise i will be better. i promise i'll love you harder. it was hard- he chokes on his words. when you were gone, it was hard. it was crazy. it was painful. i wanted to die. i wanted you to come back. i just want you-
i'm here now, right? junsu grips him deathly tight. you weren't that bad honestly. you had issues. that's why i can tolerate everything. it was hard on me too, but when i try and put myself into your shoes, my pain is insignificant compared to yours. i was too tolerating though- he chuckles bitterly. i guess guilt made me strong, made me accept your words, your actions no matter how harsh they were. i wanted to come back, so bad, i begged yoochun-hyung. but the crazy bastard wouldn't let me. he says i need to love myself more. he says i deserve more. his eyes are brimming with crystal tears, and he lets jaejoong sob a fresh wave of tears into his neck, shaking. but you'll love me right? you'll treat me better right? you won't hurt me anymore right? you'll let me be with you right?
jaejoong leans back a little and gazes into the face of the man he's grown to love so hard, so deep, so much-
of course. of course. of course- he breathes out.
he can used to this, jaejoong thinks. he remembers junsu pulling him into their room, being momentarily awed by the extravagant furniture stylishly placed, before they both tumble into the bed, both yawning open and wide. he recalls falling asleep in junsu's protective arms, soft voice singing to him sweet nothings; and now waking up to see junsu drooling, his small mouth slightly open, his hair completely mussed by sheets.
heaven- he whispers. he inches slowly within the hold he's in, careful not to wake the sleeping man with his movements. he drops butterflies of a kiss on the forehead, on the nose, on the lips- you're my heaven.
he trails a line of fluttering touches across the expanse of skin; tracing every plane, every line, every bump- you're perfect. you're perfect. you're perfect. he mutters again and again softly. he traces the outlines of the plump lips, smooths over the wrinkling forehead with a low shhhh and stares at the oblivious face.
morning. yoochun growls low as he wrenches the door apart and slouches to the nearest chair in the kitchen.
it's 2pm already hyung, good afternoon to you too. and for god's sake, smile and be happier hyung, it's a beautiful day. junsu chirps loudly and grins at jaejoong, shrugging a little. i'll give you your coffee in a minute. do you want some whipping cream with it, to cheer you up?
yoochun grunts, finally noticing jaejoong loitering next to junsu. stay away from him, jae. he wrecked half of my house in three days. he's going to cut his finger again or accidentally stab you if you're not careful.
junsu lets out a high-pitched indignant screech and fumes, face reddening.
jaejoong laughs freely and kisses said man's lips. don't mind him, baby. he's just butthurt. give him lots of cream, he needs the sugar rush.
i don't like whipping cream! yoochun shrieks like a dying animal, voice scratchy from sleep. bloody lovesick fools contaminating my pure innocent house with love. i'll cut off your balls, both of you, if i find even sugar in coffee, let alone cream. he glowers. get out of my sight and go have a goddamned date, will ya-
junsu slides a cup of coffee in front of the ranting man and pets his head. there, there, drink up.
yoochun shuts up and slurps noisily at his cup-
jaejoong feels a questioning glance on him- what? he mouths at junsu, still observing yoochun's morning tantrums. he blushes when junsu replies him just as silently.
let's go on a date.
tbc
ps: so i've decided. one more part to go, and then an epilogue. phew. i can say that i can't wait for this to end, simply because. *________* crits/comments/grammatical corrections ftw! you guys know you can tell me if i messed up in the story right? ;AAAAA; now excuse me while i go have my shower and get ready for a feast my besties are preparing \(*o*)/
pps: i watched sherlock holmes last night. holy shit the bromance's just awesomely superb, it was worth every single penny i spent on the goddammit expensive exclusive seats ;AAAAAAA;
jae-centric, jaesu
pg
angst, AU
paralysed!jae verse
jaejoong learns the price of forgiveness.
ix: i try to say goodbye and i choke; try to walk away and i stumble; though i try to hide it, it's clear; my world crumbles when you are not here
jaejoong trembles in anticipation. even at first glance, he knows that switzerland's a great place to be. even if all he's done is walk between the cargo depot to the customs building; he's seen enough to acknowledge that the view's breathtaking, the air's cold and refreshing, but he's here for a bigger purpose. something that will change his life. a chance for a new beginning, he thinks. a rebirth, like a phoenix. smiling his way through faces he doesn't recognize and slurred words that he doesn't understand- he wants to run out of the arrival hall and see junsu already.
he's been jittery ever since he's set foot on the country. heck, he's been off his elements ever since junsu's letter arrived; his hands shook like mad and tearing the envelope open already takes up nearly five full minutes. he'd recognize junsu's scribble even in a heartbeat- having spent such long time cocooning himself in the latter's room, gazing at nothing. one look at the ticket, the name and the date imprinted on it makes him even more emotional; happiness, doubt, hope, insecurities- it all balled into one big lump of emotional wreckage.
this is junsu, telling him that he's forgiven.
he drags the small luggage carelessly past the gates and revolving doors, eyes roving and combing through bodies and faces, searching for the man he misses so darn much. he circles the area twice, deflating more and more when he doesn't see junsu.
but the date was right- a frown mars his features, and he fishes out the remaining pieces of his boarding pass. where are you, junsu-yah?
he feels stupid when he realizes that he's in a country whose language he's not fluent in, prepped with only a chunk of cash and no numbers to call in case of mishaps- as such the one he's in at the moment.
stupid, stupid, stupid. kim jaejoong is stupid. he mutters, eyes downcast as he stands still in between jostling crowd. stupid, stupid-
jae!
he looks up, startled-
yoochun. he blinks, mouth slightly open, before he's swept into a bone-crushing hug by the said man. unf- cant- breath-
sorry, sorry- hey man, welcome! yoochun grins wide and earnest, eyes sparkling. how was the flight? was it too long? was it boring? did you sleep all the way through? are you tired right now? are you hungry? when was the last time you ate?
one by one, you're too fast. jaejoong's dizzy, the words are swarming and ricocheting within his head. he clears his throat once, and lets yoochun take hold of his luggage. he tiptoes, still searching- where's junsu?
yoochun smiles softly.
he's on house arrest. jaejoong looks perplexed, so he waves airily- he's broken three glasses already, kiddo's too nervous for his own good. i told him to stay put and not move while i get you. i bet he'll have broken another two glasses by the time we get home. yoochun's face contorts in both displeasure and resignation.
jaejoong has enough grace to blush, his heart thudding with nerves.
oh man- yoochun groans, face scrunched up. stop making mushy faces, i can't take it. by the way, we're staying in my house. i'm taking my usual wing, so you and junsu can have the south wing for yourselves. resolve whatever that's still unsolved, and then we can live like normal human beings, happily ever after, okay?
happy ever after doesn't exist, yoochun. jaejoong deadpans.
yoochun merely nods. maybe not for me, but i'm going to make it happen for you. come on, my car's over there.
you need some time to prepare? yoochun pokes his head inside the car, only his white teeth visible in the dead of the night. i can give you a minute. let me go inside first and call junsu down, he should be sleeping right now. he's sleeping his days away anyway, and i'm not happy with that-
jaejoong panics. meet junsu? so soon? he wipes at his face, his eyes, the corner of his mouth- he'd slept like a baby during the journey, lulled into fitful slumber by yoochun's random chattering. he pats himself down, smoothing the flyaway hairs and scrambles around looking for breath refresher.
-chill man, the kid's got issues too. he's going to flail around in his room and freak out anyway. i guess you have at least ten minutes to make yourself presentable. come, you can wait in the living room for now. yoochun smirks.
jaejoong's paced up and down the room many times already, and he's still nervous, dammit. he's tried everything- stare at the grandfather clock ticking, admiring the huge intricate tapestry that takes up half of one wall, add chunks of chopped wood into the fireplace; but he's still shaking. he breathes through his mouth five times, then through his nostrils five times to calm the heck down, and repeats it again- but nothing's working. he bites into his knuckles and winces at the pain, temporarily distracted-
hyung?
the voice is small and unsure; jaejoong flips around and stares at the door.
junsu-yah-
as if time has stopped, he forgets even how to breathe. he drinks in the lines of the light illuminating the body, and suddenly he wonders if this is really happening because fuck this feels like a time wrap-
junsu-yah? is that you? junsu?
like water exploding across a pregnant dam, his emotions run amok and he lets his instincts loose as he flies into the open embrace.
stop crying, hyung, you don't look handsome-
jaejoong chuckles amidst the hiccups and rests his tear-stained cheek on the thin flimsy tee junsu, his junsu, is wearing. he's lost track of time; it feels like he's sobbed one month's worth of tears. he feels oddly lethargic, but divinely happy at the same time. wait- he whispers against the fabric, i need to make sure this is really happening. he fists the shirt almost possessively, bringing the smaller man impossibly closer, as close as they can be. the warmth radiating from the other's body is making him lightheaded; he's so tempted to just hug and never ever let go.
he's aware that they're slumped in an ungraceful heap on the floor, still at the door, with junsu patting his back soothing and rhythmically. he burrows deeper into the embrace and enjoys the small chuckles that junsu makes with every ticklish movement he makes. warm arms wrap around his shoulder, reaching for his face and he whimpers as fingers wipes his tears away.
i'm sorry, hyung. junsu's eyes are wide and remorseful, happy and regretful, doubtful and afraid.
no- it's my fault. jaejoong can read through them and it makes his heart clench painfully. i'm a bad man. i got angry and wouldn't forgive you eventhough the accident is not entirely your fault. i treated you badly. i must've hurt you a lot for all those months you were with me, ever since at the hospital and even after i got discharged. he ignores junsu's vehement splutter- i promise i won't do it anymore. i promise i will be better. i promise i'll love you harder. it was hard- he chokes on his words. when you were gone, it was hard. it was crazy. it was painful. i wanted to die. i wanted you to come back. i just want you-
i'm here now, right? junsu grips him deathly tight. you weren't that bad honestly. you had issues. that's why i can tolerate everything. it was hard on me too, but when i try and put myself into your shoes, my pain is insignificant compared to yours. i was too tolerating though- he chuckles bitterly. i guess guilt made me strong, made me accept your words, your actions no matter how harsh they were. i wanted to come back, so bad, i begged yoochun-hyung. but the crazy bastard wouldn't let me. he says i need to love myself more. he says i deserve more. his eyes are brimming with crystal tears, and he lets jaejoong sob a fresh wave of tears into his neck, shaking. but you'll love me right? you'll treat me better right? you won't hurt me anymore right? you'll let me be with you right?
jaejoong leans back a little and gazes into the face of the man he's grown to love so hard, so deep, so much-
of course. of course. of course- he breathes out.
he can used to this, jaejoong thinks. he remembers junsu pulling him into their room, being momentarily awed by the extravagant furniture stylishly placed, before they both tumble into the bed, both yawning open and wide. he recalls falling asleep in junsu's protective arms, soft voice singing to him sweet nothings; and now waking up to see junsu drooling, his small mouth slightly open, his hair completely mussed by sheets.
heaven- he whispers. he inches slowly within the hold he's in, careful not to wake the sleeping man with his movements. he drops butterflies of a kiss on the forehead, on the nose, on the lips- you're my heaven.
he trails a line of fluttering touches across the expanse of skin; tracing every plane, every line, every bump- you're perfect. you're perfect. you're perfect. he mutters again and again softly. he traces the outlines of the plump lips, smooths over the wrinkling forehead with a low shhhh and stares at the oblivious face.
morning. yoochun growls low as he wrenches the door apart and slouches to the nearest chair in the kitchen.
it's 2pm already hyung, good afternoon to you too. and for god's sake, smile and be happier hyung, it's a beautiful day. junsu chirps loudly and grins at jaejoong, shrugging a little. i'll give you your coffee in a minute. do you want some whipping cream with it, to cheer you up?
yoochun grunts, finally noticing jaejoong loitering next to junsu. stay away from him, jae. he wrecked half of my house in three days. he's going to cut his finger again or accidentally stab you if you're not careful.
junsu lets out a high-pitched indignant screech and fumes, face reddening.
jaejoong laughs freely and kisses said man's lips. don't mind him, baby. he's just butthurt. give him lots of cream, he needs the sugar rush.
i don't like whipping cream! yoochun shrieks like a dying animal, voice scratchy from sleep. bloody lovesick fools contaminating my pure innocent house with love. i'll cut off your balls, both of you, if i find even sugar in coffee, let alone cream. he glowers. get out of my sight and go have a goddamned date, will ya-
junsu slides a cup of coffee in front of the ranting man and pets his head. there, there, drink up.
yoochun shuts up and slurps noisily at his cup-
jaejoong feels a questioning glance on him- what? he mouths at junsu, still observing yoochun's morning tantrums. he blushes when junsu replies him just as silently.
let's go on a date.
tbc
ps: so i've decided. one more part to go, and then an epilogue. phew. i can say that i can't wait for this to end, simply because. *________* crits/comments/grammatical corrections ftw! you guys know you can tell me if i messed up in the story right? ;AAAAA; now excuse me while i go have my shower and get ready for a feast my besties are preparing \(*o*)/
pps: i watched sherlock holmes last night. holy shit the bromance's just awesomely superb, it was worth every single penny i spent on the goddammit expensive exclusive seats ;AAAAAAA;