!!!! >0 !!!! OW!!! and "It dosen't hurt to die" (not an emo/suicidal post, just a dream I just had.)
So. Night before last, I decided to stay up and try to hang out with Captain and talk and stuff cause it had been a while.
We did so.. we even went out to Denny's for a quick bite to eat and more chatty about game stuff and the like. Well; when we got back to the house, fatigue hit me really fast and really hard. So fast that I couldn't get up from the couch. I ended up sleeping in the L of the couch alll night long without a real pillow or any real bodily support.
I woke up around 6:30 yesterday morning... even more exhausted; and went on to work.
Around 11:00, my body said, "Kyle. I hate you.." and my back suddenly just did this *crackpoptwistlaugh* and OMG THE PAIN.. It hurts to breathe again! I can barely sit upright, it hurts to move my head around, and the only comfortable position for me to be in is laying down. But NO.. I had to sit there straining my back even more for another 8 hours. >|
Got home, laid down, and oh.. the relief.. it's so good to feel it.
****
Well.. Back is still hurting, but I woke up just a short while ago from a most..... very strange dream.
It involved a train station in Japan; there were only English speakers there though...
Rodger was there, and an older gentleman. I know him from somewhere, but I don't know his name. He's a person from my real-life past.. but I don't know who he is.. Charlana was present as well, but I never saw her.. Randi was around too.. And a few of my high school friends. I felt like I was 19... I had a dreamcast.. 2 dreamcasts.. and my own "room" at the train station.
It was raining; but we never saw the rain. People rarely talked to me except for the older man. He was very curious about Japanese anime, and I loaned him one of my Dreamcasts to watch anime on.. and he was thankful and appreciative.
Rodger would sometimes address me, but would not always look directly at me, and when he would talk to me, he wouldn't always address me properly. But we could interact at least.
I found flowers in my pile of dreamcast games, and I thought they were quite beautiful. I asked Rodger who left them, and Kenneth, another high school friend of mine, appeared and had a solemn look on his face; and said.. "He finally saw the ocean."
When he said that, I felt as though I had slipped out of my body and we were no longer at the train station.
I was watching myself; it was Rodger and Charlana standing on the upper ground of this massive beach.. I was standing there, laughing and smiling.. it felt like watching an old home video. I was wearing a wetsuit and was in my physical prime from back in the day. My hair was still present ala' Pre-EDS work.. Darker, a little bit longer.
I was holding a surfboard.
Dark clouds were rolling in, the sky was still grayish.. the wind was picking up..
Nobody was afraid of anything. I was still laughing and smiling as were Rodger and Charlana. It was obvious that I was so happy to finally be on a beach. It was my first time; I had the feeling that I had been surfing all day.
Rodger and Charlana were suddenly running away, and I was being pulled back onto the beach;
A tornado had formed on the beach..
There were massive sections of driftwood laying on the beach in one large pile.
The sand had been tore away from the beach;
I was crawling; but I couldn't feel my hands or my movements. I did feel very warm though. Very tired..
I could hear Charlana and Rodger yelling and screaming, but it was muffled.
I was in the middle of a hollowed out area of driftwood, trying to get back to them, but I was too tired.. Sleep was the only thing my body felt that it was able to do.. So I layed down onto the sand, and I was in 3rd person view again..
And I was still on the beach, though I was quite a distance from the driftwood.
Up on the hillside, Charlana and Rodger were still yelling for people, and I suddenly saw my entire graduating class come up over the hillside and stop at the edge.
There were two more versions of Charlana and Rodger standing there with me.
Charlana wouldn't talk to me, but Rodger explained to me that I died that day; we were all on our senior vacation/trip. We were 2 days away from going home when the rouge storm hit. It was determined that pieces of the driftwood had been the cause of my death, and that I almost lived.
And then I saw all of my schoolmates there at the beach, dressed in black and white, carrying flowers like the ones I found in my "room" at the train station. They looked like some Hawaiian flower that I can't think the name of; but it wasn't a normal type of flower. It's the kind that you often see graphic designs of on Hawaiian clothing.. *searching* I think they were hibiscus flowers.. but anyhow..
There were a lot of them crying and such.. And suddenly we were back in the train station.
The man who I still cannot think of who he is was sitting at my little room watching Kenshin and waved back to me, and Rodger stretched his arms over his head and yawned.
I asked him how it could be possible that he was talking to me if I were dead, that if I was dead.. that everyone I was seeing and talking with were also dead.
He couldn't explain it, but he said it was like I never left them. He said Charlana moved away and never talked to anyone again, but last reports on her placed her off in California working some career out there. And everyone else in my graduating class that witnessed my death were still doing okay, that nobody had been sick or even got hurt since my death.
He asked me if it hurt to die, and I explained to him it was just like going to sleep, and that it's not at all scary; but it's really depressing to see everyone cry and be sad.
We continued to talk a bit longer, and he told me he was happy that I finally got to see the ocean, and that I was much better at surfing than he could have ever expected me to be, and that he goes around the world to surf the locations that I had always talked about experiencing, and that he plants one of the flowers there near the shoreline.
I asked him why he bothers doing such a thing, that it was touching, but cheesy and he had a life of his own to live; but he just replied with a question of if he could borrow one of my dreamcasts for the train ride home, that it was a rainy day outside and it was a long trip to get there to where I was.
He said he would be back someday with pictures of the places he had been, while looking at my dreamcast.
I didn't push the subject anymore, but then Ada showed up on the other side of the train in all her happy smiley self. It was a muted, but cheerful meeting.. the three of us moved around the train platform and climbed around on the train engine itself.
And eventually, they left; the man left with them, and I was alone on the trainstation platform with my little room and my games and my anime. There were shadows of people walking around on other train platforms, but I didn't know any of them.
And so I went to sleep and woke up with a desire to go drive.
I don't remember the transition, but I had a desire to visit this one house.. a house from my real-life past where a very signifigant moment of what has made me who I am today happened.
I drove there; It had been ages since I had seen this house. Before, it was large and majestic.. and all that awesome massive rich-sounding description stuff.. but this time, it looked abandoned. Like nobody lived there anymore. The yard was trimmed, but looked like it was getting shaggy again.. the shutters on the garage were faded and falling off.. the driveway was broken and had a large pot-hole in the middle of it's entrance... mail was sitting on the front doorstep.
But it was the house.. it still had that aura about it; that inside was the energy that released my inner-capabilities and mindset. It was the single point on this earth were I "evolved".. Every path I had ever traveled throughout my existence started from and was influenced by that house.
I pull around the house up through it's driveway, and I see that the trees are no longer there.. it looks like a train-way.. power lines and power-line towers...silver in color.. stretched off into the distance;... I wondered where they went to, or what I would find if I decided to explore them.
I got out of my car and walked up to the rear entrance of the house.. it was unlocked...
I had hope that the house was still occupied, even if I may have been in trouble for entering, I had to look and see.
When I stepped through the garage door, I saw an empty room, like a kitchen... it was now just a shell of my past.
Since it was empty, I decided to venture around the place and take a look at the places that held the memories of the past.
it was empty, but at the same time, I felt Like I could still see "presence" there.
I went upstairs, and around into one of the main rooms, and when I entered, I saw the house was -not- unoccupied. There was a bed in there, haphazardly made, toys.. a closet that contained more toys, and a robe that I recognized from another past event as well. There was a giant life-size Yoshi doll in there, and the bed looked old, but sturdy. it was dark in the room, but I continuously squinted and looked around the place. It seemed like a girl lived there now.. probably in the age range of 18-22 (it's a dream.. I don't know how I knew this.). Her clothes were scattered around the room, but it didn't look like she had been home for weeks.. maybe months.
I started to feel skeevy and more and more like a criminal once I realized that the house was probably occupied still, and gave up and decided to leave.
Once I left, I returned to the train station, and Rodger was there again, this time with Charlana and Irene.
Irene didn't seem to know me, but Rodger explained she would have been the person that would be the deciding factor on what direction my life finally went in some day, and he just wanted me to meet her.
I suddenly remembered everything that I couldn't remember earlier, and the shock of rememberance woke me up.
********
The dream... was weird. Kinda' tame in regards to what I usually dream, but for me, this was probably one of the most intense dreams I've had in months.
and my back still really really really hurts. :(
We did so.. we even went out to Denny's for a quick bite to eat and more chatty about game stuff and the like. Well; when we got back to the house, fatigue hit me really fast and really hard. So fast that I couldn't get up from the couch. I ended up sleeping in the L of the couch alll night long without a real pillow or any real bodily support.
I woke up around 6:30 yesterday morning... even more exhausted; and went on to work.
Around 11:00, my body said, "Kyle. I hate you.." and my back suddenly just did this *crackpoptwistlaugh* and OMG THE PAIN.. It hurts to breathe again! I can barely sit upright, it hurts to move my head around, and the only comfortable position for me to be in is laying down. But NO.. I had to sit there straining my back even more for another 8 hours. >|
Got home, laid down, and oh.. the relief.. it's so good to feel it.
****
Well.. Back is still hurting, but I woke up just a short while ago from a most..... very strange dream.
It involved a train station in Japan; there were only English speakers there though...
Rodger was there, and an older gentleman. I know him from somewhere, but I don't know his name. He's a person from my real-life past.. but I don't know who he is.. Charlana was present as well, but I never saw her.. Randi was around too.. And a few of my high school friends. I felt like I was 19... I had a dreamcast.. 2 dreamcasts.. and my own "room" at the train station.
It was raining; but we never saw the rain. People rarely talked to me except for the older man. He was very curious about Japanese anime, and I loaned him one of my Dreamcasts to watch anime on.. and he was thankful and appreciative.
Rodger would sometimes address me, but would not always look directly at me, and when he would talk to me, he wouldn't always address me properly. But we could interact at least.
I found flowers in my pile of dreamcast games, and I thought they were quite beautiful. I asked Rodger who left them, and Kenneth, another high school friend of mine, appeared and had a solemn look on his face; and said.. "He finally saw the ocean."
When he said that, I felt as though I had slipped out of my body and we were no longer at the train station.
I was watching myself; it was Rodger and Charlana standing on the upper ground of this massive beach.. I was standing there, laughing and smiling.. it felt like watching an old home video. I was wearing a wetsuit and was in my physical prime from back in the day. My hair was still present ala' Pre-EDS work.. Darker, a little bit longer.
I was holding a surfboard.
Dark clouds were rolling in, the sky was still grayish.. the wind was picking up..
Nobody was afraid of anything. I was still laughing and smiling as were Rodger and Charlana. It was obvious that I was so happy to finally be on a beach. It was my first time; I had the feeling that I had been surfing all day.
Rodger and Charlana were suddenly running away, and I was being pulled back onto the beach;
A tornado had formed on the beach..
There were massive sections of driftwood laying on the beach in one large pile.
The sand had been tore away from the beach;
I was crawling; but I couldn't feel my hands or my movements. I did feel very warm though. Very tired..
I could hear Charlana and Rodger yelling and screaming, but it was muffled.
I was in the middle of a hollowed out area of driftwood, trying to get back to them, but I was too tired.. Sleep was the only thing my body felt that it was able to do.. So I layed down onto the sand, and I was in 3rd person view again..
And I was still on the beach, though I was quite a distance from the driftwood.
Up on the hillside, Charlana and Rodger were still yelling for people, and I suddenly saw my entire graduating class come up over the hillside and stop at the edge.
There were two more versions of Charlana and Rodger standing there with me.
Charlana wouldn't talk to me, but Rodger explained to me that I died that day; we were all on our senior vacation/trip. We were 2 days away from going home when the rouge storm hit. It was determined that pieces of the driftwood had been the cause of my death, and that I almost lived.
And then I saw all of my schoolmates there at the beach, dressed in black and white, carrying flowers like the ones I found in my "room" at the train station. They looked like some Hawaiian flower that I can't think the name of; but it wasn't a normal type of flower. It's the kind that you often see graphic designs of on Hawaiian clothing.. *searching* I think they were hibiscus flowers.. but anyhow..
There were a lot of them crying and such.. And suddenly we were back in the train station.
The man who I still cannot think of who he is was sitting at my little room watching Kenshin and waved back to me, and Rodger stretched his arms over his head and yawned.
I asked him how it could be possible that he was talking to me if I were dead, that if I was dead.. that everyone I was seeing and talking with were also dead.
He couldn't explain it, but he said it was like I never left them. He said Charlana moved away and never talked to anyone again, but last reports on her placed her off in California working some career out there. And everyone else in my graduating class that witnessed my death were still doing okay, that nobody had been sick or even got hurt since my death.
He asked me if it hurt to die, and I explained to him it was just like going to sleep, and that it's not at all scary; but it's really depressing to see everyone cry and be sad.
We continued to talk a bit longer, and he told me he was happy that I finally got to see the ocean, and that I was much better at surfing than he could have ever expected me to be, and that he goes around the world to surf the locations that I had always talked about experiencing, and that he plants one of the flowers there near the shoreline.
I asked him why he bothers doing such a thing, that it was touching, but cheesy and he had a life of his own to live; but he just replied with a question of if he could borrow one of my dreamcasts for the train ride home, that it was a rainy day outside and it was a long trip to get there to where I was.
He said he would be back someday with pictures of the places he had been, while looking at my dreamcast.
I didn't push the subject anymore, but then Ada showed up on the other side of the train in all her happy smiley self. It was a muted, but cheerful meeting.. the three of us moved around the train platform and climbed around on the train engine itself.
And eventually, they left; the man left with them, and I was alone on the trainstation platform with my little room and my games and my anime. There were shadows of people walking around on other train platforms, but I didn't know any of them.
And so I went to sleep and woke up with a desire to go drive.
I don't remember the transition, but I had a desire to visit this one house.. a house from my real-life past where a very signifigant moment of what has made me who I am today happened.
I drove there; It had been ages since I had seen this house. Before, it was large and majestic.. and all that awesome massive rich-sounding description stuff.. but this time, it looked abandoned. Like nobody lived there anymore. The yard was trimmed, but looked like it was getting shaggy again.. the shutters on the garage were faded and falling off.. the driveway was broken and had a large pot-hole in the middle of it's entrance... mail was sitting on the front doorstep.
But it was the house.. it still had that aura about it; that inside was the energy that released my inner-capabilities and mindset. It was the single point on this earth were I "evolved".. Every path I had ever traveled throughout my existence started from and was influenced by that house.
I pull around the house up through it's driveway, and I see that the trees are no longer there.. it looks like a train-way.. power lines and power-line towers...silver in color.. stretched off into the distance;... I wondered where they went to, or what I would find if I decided to explore them.
I got out of my car and walked up to the rear entrance of the house.. it was unlocked...
I had hope that the house was still occupied, even if I may have been in trouble for entering, I had to look and see.
When I stepped through the garage door, I saw an empty room, like a kitchen... it was now just a shell of my past.
Since it was empty, I decided to venture around the place and take a look at the places that held the memories of the past.
it was empty, but at the same time, I felt Like I could still see "presence" there.
I went upstairs, and around into one of the main rooms, and when I entered, I saw the house was -not- unoccupied. There was a bed in there, haphazardly made, toys.. a closet that contained more toys, and a robe that I recognized from another past event as well. There was a giant life-size Yoshi doll in there, and the bed looked old, but sturdy. it was dark in the room, but I continuously squinted and looked around the place. It seemed like a girl lived there now.. probably in the age range of 18-22 (it's a dream.. I don't know how I knew this.). Her clothes were scattered around the room, but it didn't look like she had been home for weeks.. maybe months.
I started to feel skeevy and more and more like a criminal once I realized that the house was probably occupied still, and gave up and decided to leave.
Once I left, I returned to the train station, and Rodger was there again, this time with Charlana and Irene.
Irene didn't seem to know me, but Rodger explained she would have been the person that would be the deciding factor on what direction my life finally went in some day, and he just wanted me to meet her.
I suddenly remembered everything that I couldn't remember earlier, and the shock of rememberance woke me up.
********
The dream... was weird. Kinda' tame in regards to what I usually dream, but for me, this was probably one of the most intense dreams I've had in months.
and my back still really really really hurts. :(