I wish I had a snuggle buddy cause I'm so freaking cold.
1)I was in my bed from 9 last night until 11 this morning cause I felt that shitty and couldn't even get up. But in all the waking up and falling back to sleep I had the most amazing dream ever. I'm not sure I was dreaming because it was more like what I've been thinking a lot about lately and maybe it was just me being somewhere between delusional and awake...cause I remembered WAY TOO much for it to be a dream
Well if you've seen that movie, "the butterfly effect"(which in my opinion was ok, but I think it could have been a hell of a lot better) you know how he goes back in time right? Well like the first time I went 'back to sleep' this morning it was as if my life was in reverse, I mean it was just rewinding but specific instances were in them:
-Me and Steph in the grocery store buying ice cream and donuts when she came to visit me and that guy saying, "you got the essentials, huh?"
-Me and my mad job search at the beginning of the semester.
-The day I had to sign that god forsaken lease for this hell hole they call an apartment. Ok, so the apartment is ok, but yeah. Anyways.
-Sitting in my car in Gainesville and thinking Steph's photo of her and Randy didn't develop
-Waiting outside the finch show and meeting R2K and pushing Steph at him and also those damn shakes and that kid hitting her head on the wall..
-Various things over the summer from work and someone that I don't really want to mention.
-Writing my 4 page in class essay about what a 'perfect love' is after not sleeping for more than like an hour. That sucked. ha
-Then all the instances over the spring semester with my PDA whore *tears* including the time he kicked me in the back of the knees and the first day when I saw him walk through the science building doors...*sigh*
-Then many things about the UCF semester: moving in, the football games(well the 2 I went to...haha) the concerts, Chelsea peeing on the RxB bus, the cupcake incident, the hot little gay guy, the grass people, the yellow laundry, Steph hitting that guy for his video(HAHA), having to walk all the way from the 'classroom one' building to my dorm in a white t-shirt in the pouring rain, throwing quarters in the coin thing, the monkey/hot friend man love, my roommates fucking alarm clock, some instances with Bryan, getting my tounge pierced and that's about all I can remember from that.
-The summer before when I totally hated my job and I bitched about it all the time and I liked Bryan and he gave my sister a note to give me at work and that made me happy cause I'm retarded like that.
-The 2003 warped tour, especially the LTJ giant circle pit.
-Getting my industrial and having all the piercing guys examining my '3rd degree burns' from the warped tour...
-Graduation and having to sit next to John McPherson. He smelled. I was afraid I would fall.
-The last day of senior year when I had to get up early and drag my ass to the high school and then spent 1st period in Steph's German class because I didn't have one...
-The prom and that god awful restuarant and Charleen's dress that was like the size of a freaking mountain. I mean we couldn't even see her in Ian's car...and then Ian was going on and on about WINE and yeah. Bad night. I remember going over to B&N and seeing bryan and he said something like, "you're all dolled up" and I was like, "WHY DIDN'T I ASK HIM TO GO WITH ME?!" Cause I really wanted a date and I wasn't just taking anybody. Sorry. And at that time, Bryan was special...haha. I'm kidding. You're still special...maybe. :-)
-Me and Chelsea's arguement that we had that spring sometime.
-Failing all my Oceanography tests. :-/
-First semester of senior year: "owen" and that god awful earth science class. ZzZzZzZzZzZz Also, trying like hell to lose all that weight I had put on Junior year.
-Then the summer before senior year there were all those trips to the hospital in Defuniak to take care of my grandmother and me learning how to drive my dad's truck and crying cause I'm retarded like that.
-And staying up for hours talking to someone online and then...yeah. I don't want to talk about this either.
-Then Junior year was just completely fucked up: I mean my classes just about killed me, I started it out completely wrong and was extremely hurt by a total asshole, I was an extremely shitty friend to just about everyone and I pretty much stopped seeing people because I was in such a depressive state of mind for that whole year. But I did see my PDA whore for the first time and I remember this more clearly than most things, which is SAD. haha
ANYWAYS, so I kind of thought my way backwards until then. Until the beginning of Junior year and then I "woke up" again. See, I really think I was just thinking, but it felt so much like a dream. But then, it was like my life started over at that point, before things got to be shitty and the most wonderful thing happened: I guess this was more like a dream..
-I never put myself in the position to get hurt, therefore I never really got depressed and I was a much better friend to people. I gave a guy that had a crush on me a chance, but it didn't work out, but at least it ENDED and I wasn't left all confused and shit and feeling all retarded and rejected. haha. I. need. some. psychotherapy. ;-)
-Me and my PDA whore became good friends and went to shows together and blah blah blah.
-I didn't waste all my time on school and was a much better friend to people(especially Chelsea because now I realize how much I must have sucked as a friend when she never confided in me about anything)
-All this great stuff happened: I took my PDA whore to the prom and Steph had his totally hot friend and we had a utter blast. And to have a blast at the prom was just never in my vocab..haha
-After graduation, I ended up getting accepted to BC and I moved up there and had a roomie that looked a lot like this girl in my bio psych class..but she's a totally cool roommate and I'm happy and I NEVER SECOND GUESS MY COLLEGE CHOICE.
-And then me and nate got married and had lots of babies.
Ok so that last one was made up...haha. Although if my life had really gone that perfect I probably would have gotten my rock star husband. HA.
But anyways, if you read all of that, then WOW, but I wrote it down more for myself so I can look at it cause it was funny. I wrote it all down when I finally got up, but pieces of paper don't normally stay around my apartment for long.
2)It was hot and stuffy and miserable outside today. I also ran into someone I don't need to be seeing cause I'm in 'my process'. This book that was on Oprah (YES I WATCH OPRAH. SHUT UP.) says that "I'm too busy" is the worst excuse a guy can use and it really means, "I'm just not that into you or I would find the time." and I'm like, "Ok, I accept." *crushes more than friendly feelings in a metal vice* I'm not trying to cut him off, I'm just trying to cut the whole "lust ties" if you want to call them that. But you know the pathetic part of all of this? I see him and instead of thinking, "I need to just walk in the library or the next closest building," I think, "God I look awful today" and I shouldn't care anymore, but I do, which means I'm not over it and this is taking way too long. :-/ Someone smack some sense into me.
3)I definately have seasonal affective disorder cause I haven't not been sick for about 3 weeks and I've been totally down and feeling lousy.
4)I have to stay after my three hour night class tomorrow to work on a presentation and then I have to drive home THAT NIGHT so I can go to my doctor's appt on Friday morning. I knew I couldn't get up by 5 and leave here, so I figured I'd better just drive my ass home late tomorrow..thursday hopefully means there won't be any drunk people. :-/
5)I finally found the new HRC CD and I <3 it. I had already gotten most of the songs from Steph, but I like really having the CDs...Don't ask why. I'm weird.
Well if you've seen that movie, "the butterfly effect"(which in my opinion was ok, but I think it could have been a hell of a lot better) you know how he goes back in time right? Well like the first time I went 'back to sleep' this morning it was as if my life was in reverse, I mean it was just rewinding but specific instances were in them:
-Me and Steph in the grocery store buying ice cream and donuts when she came to visit me and that guy saying, "you got the essentials, huh?"
-Me and my mad job search at the beginning of the semester.
-The day I had to sign that god forsaken lease for this hell hole they call an apartment. Ok, so the apartment is ok, but yeah. Anyways.
-Sitting in my car in Gainesville and thinking Steph's photo of her and Randy didn't develop
-Waiting outside the finch show and meeting R2K and pushing Steph at him and also those damn shakes and that kid hitting her head on the wall..
-Various things over the summer from work and someone that I don't really want to mention.
-Writing my 4 page in class essay about what a 'perfect love' is after not sleeping for more than like an hour. That sucked. ha
-Then all the instances over the spring semester with my PDA whore *tears* including the time he kicked me in the back of the knees and the first day when I saw him walk through the science building doors...*sigh*
-Then many things about the UCF semester: moving in, the football games(well the 2 I went to...haha) the concerts, Chelsea peeing on the RxB bus, the cupcake incident, the hot little gay guy, the grass people, the yellow laundry, Steph hitting that guy for his video(HAHA), having to walk all the way from the 'classroom one' building to my dorm in a white t-shirt in the pouring rain, throwing quarters in the coin thing, the monkey/hot friend man love, my roommates fucking alarm clock, some instances with Bryan, getting my tounge pierced and that's about all I can remember from that.
-The summer before when I totally hated my job and I bitched about it all the time and I liked Bryan and he gave my sister a note to give me at work and that made me happy cause I'm retarded like that.
-The 2003 warped tour, especially the LTJ giant circle pit.
-Getting my industrial and having all the piercing guys examining my '3rd degree burns' from the warped tour...
-Graduation and having to sit next to John McPherson. He smelled. I was afraid I would fall.
-The last day of senior year when I had to get up early and drag my ass to the high school and then spent 1st period in Steph's German class because I didn't have one...
-The prom and that god awful restuarant and Charleen's dress that was like the size of a freaking mountain. I mean we couldn't even see her in Ian's car...and then Ian was going on and on about WINE and yeah. Bad night. I remember going over to B&N and seeing bryan and he said something like, "you're all dolled up" and I was like, "WHY DIDN'T I ASK HIM TO GO WITH ME?!" Cause I really wanted a date and I wasn't just taking anybody. Sorry. And at that time, Bryan was special...haha. I'm kidding. You're still special...maybe. :-)
-Me and Chelsea's arguement that we had that spring sometime.
-Failing all my Oceanography tests. :-/
-First semester of senior year: "owen" and that god awful earth science class. ZzZzZzZzZzZz Also, trying like hell to lose all that weight I had put on Junior year.
-Then the summer before senior year there were all those trips to the hospital in Defuniak to take care of my grandmother and me learning how to drive my dad's truck and crying cause I'm retarded like that.
-And staying up for hours talking to someone online and then...yeah. I don't want to talk about this either.
-Then Junior year was just completely fucked up: I mean my classes just about killed me, I started it out completely wrong and was extremely hurt by a total asshole, I was an extremely shitty friend to just about everyone and I pretty much stopped seeing people because I was in such a depressive state of mind for that whole year. But I did see my PDA whore for the first time and I remember this more clearly than most things, which is SAD. haha
ANYWAYS, so I kind of thought my way backwards until then. Until the beginning of Junior year and then I "woke up" again. See, I really think I was just thinking, but it felt so much like a dream. But then, it was like my life started over at that point, before things got to be shitty and the most wonderful thing happened: I guess this was more like a dream..
-I never put myself in the position to get hurt, therefore I never really got depressed and I was a much better friend to people. I gave a guy that had a crush on me a chance, but it didn't work out, but at least it ENDED and I wasn't left all confused and shit and feeling all retarded and rejected. haha. I. need. some. psychotherapy. ;-)
-Me and my PDA whore became good friends and went to shows together and blah blah blah.
-I didn't waste all my time on school and was a much better friend to people(especially Chelsea because now I realize how much I must have sucked as a friend when she never confided in me about anything)
-All this great stuff happened: I took my PDA whore to the prom and Steph had his totally hot friend and we had a utter blast. And to have a blast at the prom was just never in my vocab..haha
-After graduation, I ended up getting accepted to BC and I moved up there and had a roomie that looked a lot like this girl in my bio psych class..but she's a totally cool roommate and I'm happy and I NEVER SECOND GUESS MY COLLEGE CHOICE.
-And then me and nate got married and had lots of babies.
Ok so that last one was made up...haha. Although if my life had really gone that perfect I probably would have gotten my rock star husband. HA.
But anyways, if you read all of that, then WOW, but I wrote it down more for myself so I can look at it cause it was funny. I wrote it all down when I finally got up, but pieces of paper don't normally stay around my apartment for long.
2)It was hot and stuffy and miserable outside today. I also ran into someone I don't need to be seeing cause I'm in 'my process'. This book that was on Oprah (YES I WATCH OPRAH. SHUT UP.) says that "I'm too busy" is the worst excuse a guy can use and it really means, "I'm just not that into you or I would find the time." and I'm like, "Ok, I accept." *crushes more than friendly feelings in a metal vice* I'm not trying to cut him off, I'm just trying to cut the whole "lust ties" if you want to call them that. But you know the pathetic part of all of this? I see him and instead of thinking, "I need to just walk in the library or the next closest building," I think, "God I look awful today" and I shouldn't care anymore, but I do, which means I'm not over it and this is taking way too long. :-/ Someone smack some sense into me.
3)I definately have seasonal affective disorder cause I haven't not been sick for about 3 weeks and I've been totally down and feeling lousy.
4)I have to stay after my three hour night class tomorrow to work on a presentation and then I have to drive home THAT NIGHT so I can go to my doctor's appt on Friday morning. I knew I couldn't get up by 5 and leave here, so I figured I'd better just drive my ass home late tomorrow..thursday hopefully means there won't be any drunk people. :-/
5)I finally found the new HRC CD and I <3 it. I had already gotten most of the songs from Steph, but I like really having the CDs...Don't ask why. I'm weird.