I've got an antisocial habit.
Thanksgiving break was better than anticipated...stresswise anyways. I didn't end up seeing the people I wanted to see except Chelsea, but at least Xmas is right around the corner.
I didn't get pierced! =( My ear isn't healing well right now, so I put that off.
I went to the beach for the first time since July. Some of my family rented a beachhouse and stayed there and we spent a lot of time over there with them. I spent most of that time sitting on the beach at night by myself and just thinking. Should I stay or should I go? was the main question plauging me. I mean, if I want to leave I have to make that choice SOON in order to get everything straight. If there is one thing I've learned through my whole college mess of an experience it's that your definition of 'enough time' is NOT the same as a college. I think that deep down I know that I've dug my own grave and I need to lay in it and deal with what I've done. I mean, I'm not miserable here. I know that somewhere else I could be happier, but I'm definately not miserable here and I could make things better if I wasn't so damn cynical about everything and everyone. If I could just get through this semester...
12 more days of school. asdfghjkl;
The beach also reminded me of last summer which reminded me of one of the happier 3 months I've had these past years. I don't know how long it had been since I was that happy each and every day, well not counting that one weekend I went crazy...That wasn't pretty.
The whole point of this whole beach rambling thing is that I'm being retarded and antisocial and self-centered and I need to stop. I'm the same person that I was over the summer, but now I'm just such a bitch to everyone and I'm not giving anyone a chance and making up any excuse imagineable to justify my behavior. I want the life I had over the summer and I can't, but I need to find it in something because I know it's there.
I think the most annoying thing about life is that when you're trying to forget someone/something there is an overload of things about them. For instance, let's say you're trying to forget someone named Chris, but everywhere you go there seems to be someone named Chris or you keep seeing signs for CHRIStmas, or yeah. Get what I'm saying?! I hate that. By the way, I'm not trying to forget anyone names Chris...It was just an example...
It's really cold in my apartment, but I don't want to turn the heat on yet. I wish I had someone to cuddle with...preferably my baby's daddy, but hey you can't always get what you want. ;-)
My mom bought me the cutest pair of pajamas from Victoria's Secret for all the help I gave her this past week. I can't go in that store anymore because I can't seem to come out of it without buying something and I have enough of thier stuff to open my own store. haha
After all the family left on Saturday I just spent the day doing random things like taking a nap. haha. I was gonna try to go out on Saturday night, but my grandmother got sent to the ER and so I went with my mom to the hospital and ended up staying there till 2 in the morning. I hate the ER. Everytime I have to go there for any reason whether it be for me or for someone else it reminds me of junior year and that one time that I actually thought I wasn't going to be coming home. Just gives me flashbacks and I hate it, but I wanted to be there for my mom and no one else was volunteering to go. So all day Sunday I felt like shit and I must have lookd it too because my mom didn't even want me driving back yesterday because my eyes were so bloodshot and I kept falling asleep in random places around the house, so I waited and drove bck this morning.
These next few weeks are really going to test how well I can pull my shit together. I have my two hardest finals on the same day and both are seriously important to my final grade. UGH. The whole idea of having 5 tests in the span on 2 days is just wrong! They should have given us a Finals week instead of just saying, "here's a regular week of classes. Good luck with that!"
I have a 10 minute presentation to give this week and a 45 minute one to give next week. UGH. Just shoot me now. They aren't even interesting. I don't mind giving presentations if they aren't sucky, boring, and extremely unimportant. But these...oh these are presentations that will probably even put the teacher to sleep. Yes. THAT bad.
Anyways, I'm off to my brain class and then the beginning of "Kelly must pull her shit together for the next 3 weeks" mode.
I didn't get pierced! =( My ear isn't healing well right now, so I put that off.
I went to the beach for the first time since July. Some of my family rented a beachhouse and stayed there and we spent a lot of time over there with them. I spent most of that time sitting on the beach at night by myself and just thinking. Should I stay or should I go? was the main question plauging me. I mean, if I want to leave I have to make that choice SOON in order to get everything straight. If there is one thing I've learned through my whole college mess of an experience it's that your definition of 'enough time' is NOT the same as a college. I think that deep down I know that I've dug my own grave and I need to lay in it and deal with what I've done. I mean, I'm not miserable here. I know that somewhere else I could be happier, but I'm definately not miserable here and I could make things better if I wasn't so damn cynical about everything and everyone. If I could just get through this semester...
12 more days of school. asdfghjkl;
The beach also reminded me of last summer which reminded me of one of the happier 3 months I've had these past years. I don't know how long it had been since I was that happy each and every day, well not counting that one weekend I went crazy...That wasn't pretty.
The whole point of this whole beach rambling thing is that I'm being retarded and antisocial and self-centered and I need to stop. I'm the same person that I was over the summer, but now I'm just such a bitch to everyone and I'm not giving anyone a chance and making up any excuse imagineable to justify my behavior. I want the life I had over the summer and I can't, but I need to find it in something because I know it's there.
I think the most annoying thing about life is that when you're trying to forget someone/something there is an overload of things about them. For instance, let's say you're trying to forget someone named Chris, but everywhere you go there seems to be someone named Chris or you keep seeing signs for CHRIStmas, or yeah. Get what I'm saying?! I hate that. By the way, I'm not trying to forget anyone names Chris...It was just an example...
It's really cold in my apartment, but I don't want to turn the heat on yet. I wish I had someone to cuddle with...preferably my baby's daddy, but hey you can't always get what you want. ;-)
My mom bought me the cutest pair of pajamas from Victoria's Secret for all the help I gave her this past week. I can't go in that store anymore because I can't seem to come out of it without buying something and I have enough of thier stuff to open my own store. haha
After all the family left on Saturday I just spent the day doing random things like taking a nap. haha. I was gonna try to go out on Saturday night, but my grandmother got sent to the ER and so I went with my mom to the hospital and ended up staying there till 2 in the morning. I hate the ER. Everytime I have to go there for any reason whether it be for me or for someone else it reminds me of junior year and that one time that I actually thought I wasn't going to be coming home. Just gives me flashbacks and I hate it, but I wanted to be there for my mom and no one else was volunteering to go. So all day Sunday I felt like shit and I must have lookd it too because my mom didn't even want me driving back yesterday because my eyes were so bloodshot and I kept falling asleep in random places around the house, so I waited and drove bck this morning.
These next few weeks are really going to test how well I can pull my shit together. I have my two hardest finals on the same day and both are seriously important to my final grade. UGH. The whole idea of having 5 tests in the span on 2 days is just wrong! They should have given us a Finals week instead of just saying, "here's a regular week of classes. Good luck with that!"
I have a 10 minute presentation to give this week and a 45 minute one to give next week. UGH. Just shoot me now. They aren't even interesting. I don't mind giving presentations if they aren't sucky, boring, and extremely unimportant. But these...oh these are presentations that will probably even put the teacher to sleep. Yes. THAT bad.
Anyways, I'm off to my brain class and then the beginning of "Kelly must pull her shit together for the next 3 weeks" mode.