Little People Inside My Mind
I am quite sure that I am losing my mind. I can’t tell if it is myself that thinks this or if it is all the people surrounding me that have convinced me of it. The problem is, you see, that no one really knows me. I have secrets, so very many secrets.
There is a slight need to confess my sins. I should become Catholic for a day and go to confession. I might do just that. I don’t think I’ve even seen a Catholic church in this entire state……
Sometimes I think that there is a person inside me….an entirely different woman and I am slowly becoming her. She is freer than I am, she isn’t ashamed. But, she still doesn’t fit. I stare at my own image in the mirror, yes I am vain, and I try to see if there really is any beauty there. The people that matter don’t see it, but the rest of the world seems to. I don’t like it, I am just used to looking at it every day.
A serious consideration into something more has crossed my mind. I need to make more money so I can support my habit ;D. It has gone from special occasions, to once a month, to every other week to once a week and barely at that. I can’t believe that I could ever make a single last a month, even two weeks seems crazy to me. Now it’s in the morning, at my break, on my lunch, after work, before class, after class, on the drive home, right before bed…and again. And it fades so quickly now….it doesn’t feel like it lasts at all. I remember when it would last all night. I remember when the sense of time didn’t even exist. I want to be like that all the time. I would trade my life now to just be able to be free. If I could cut ties with everything holding me back then I would go. Get that van I’ve always wanted, leave my makeup at home, and just go, be free. Sounds kind of idealistic…..ha for me anyway
Oh yes, and Happy St. Patty's Day to all the people I don't have on my friends list yet.....
There is a slight need to confess my sins. I should become Catholic for a day and go to confession. I might do just that. I don’t think I’ve even seen a Catholic church in this entire state……
Sometimes I think that there is a person inside me….an entirely different woman and I am slowly becoming her. She is freer than I am, she isn’t ashamed. But, she still doesn’t fit. I stare at my own image in the mirror, yes I am vain, and I try to see if there really is any beauty there. The people that matter don’t see it, but the rest of the world seems to. I don’t like it, I am just used to looking at it every day.
A serious consideration into something more has crossed my mind. I need to make more money so I can support my habit ;D. It has gone from special occasions, to once a month, to every other week to once a week and barely at that. I can’t believe that I could ever make a single last a month, even two weeks seems crazy to me. Now it’s in the morning, at my break, on my lunch, after work, before class, after class, on the drive home, right before bed…and again. And it fades so quickly now….it doesn’t feel like it lasts at all. I remember when it would last all night. I remember when the sense of time didn’t even exist. I want to be like that all the time. I would trade my life now to just be able to be free. If I could cut ties with everything holding me back then I would go. Get that van I’ve always wanted, leave my makeup at home, and just go, be free. Sounds kind of idealistic…..ha for me anyway
Oh yes, and Happy St. Patty's Day to all the people I don't have on my friends list yet.....