Foot in Mouth Disease
Steve King (R-IA)
When you think about the optics of a Barack Obama potentially getting elected President of the United States, and I mean what does this look like to the rest of the world? What does it look like to the world of Islam? And I will tell you that if he is elected president, that the-the radical Islamists and the-the Al-Qaeda and the radical Islamists and their supporters will be dancing in the streets in greater numbers than they did on September 11th because they will-they will declare victory in this war on terror. They will say the United States has capitulated because we would be pulling our troops out of any conflict that has to do with al-Qaeda anywhere. And additionally, it does matter. His middle name does matter. It matters because they read a meaning into that in the rest of the world that has a special meaning to them. They’ll be dancing in the streets because of his middle name. They’ll be dancing in the streets because of who his father was and because of his posture, ah, that says pull out of the Middle East, pull out of this conflict.
I want to state for the record that I have not edited this in any way. So every confused phrase, every "um" is in there. I do that because I want it to be absolutely clear that this is exactly what the man said. I have done nothing to clean it up.
That being said, the argument that this jubilation will result from an Obama presidency on the basis that he wants the troops out of Iraq is ridiculous as Clinton also wants troops out of Iraq. So really, he should be saying that they’ll be dancing in the streets if a Democrat gets elected. Then there’s the whole thing about his middle name, and its "special meaning." For $60,000, the case of turtle wax, and the trip to Maui, what, Rep. King, is that special meaning?
3...2...1...Oh! I’m sorry. The correct answer was, "handsome one." It’s Arabic. And I’m not sure at what point Barack Obama said that we would never fight al-Qaeda anywhere ever again.
Apparently they’re also big on the fact that his father was Kenyan. Because if there’s one thing al-Qaeda loves it’s the Kenyans. Unless Rep. King meant Muslims, but that makes even less sense as Obama’s father had left the Muslim faith by the time he had met the Senator’s mother. So really it would have to be lapsed Muslims that al-Qaeda loves. If you’re at all familiar with Islam then you are well aware, unlike Rep. King, that it is actually considered better to be a non-Muslim than a former Muslim. Those who have never heard the teaching of Muhammad, the logic goes, should not be treated so harshly, but educated instead. However, those who have heard the teachings of the prophet and voluntarily rejected them are to be treated with scorn. But Rep. King is a busy man who can’t be slowed down by facts and truth. Those are just speed bumps on the political highway and should be driven over at top speed until such time as you suspension gives out, which for Rep. King, with any luck, will be November. But then I’m not about to hold my breath.
George Bush (R-Crazytown)
I must say I’m a little envious. If I was a little younger and not employed here, I think it would be a fantastic experience to be on the front lines of helping this young democracy succeed. It must be exciting for you...in some ways romantic, in some ways, you know, confronting danger. You’re really making history, and thanks.
This is what the president told a group of soldiers fighting in Afghanistan via videoconference last Thursday. Sadly I’m only going to news reports for this as there is no recording. In fact, no recording devices were allowed in the room during this videoconference, but reporters took detailed notes. I don’t know what was in that ellipsis or if it was just a pause, though I’m guessing it was a pause as it was in every report of the statement. That being said, the only thing I can imagine being there that might in any way redeem this statement is, "Of course only a fuckwit would suggest that this is."
Of course, the President had his chance to serve in uniform back in Vietnam, another war he supported, but refused to fight in. He had the chance to go play soldier-boy but he got his father to pull some strings to put him safely in the Texas Air National Guard, keeping the Gulf of Mexico safe from the Viet Cong. I guess he loved the Vietnam War but he wasn’t in love with the Vietnam War. But Afghanistan? That is a war you can stay with for the rest of your life. In that respect it’s a lot like Iraq, which is, I suppose, why our president is so torn. It must be hard having two loves.