ambivalence
i don't know if there's anyone lurking here in LJ anymore. so this is pretty much an open message to whoever's still around. :)
so fandom's been a shithole to be in. i'm so affected by how malicious and suspicious the comments are in jyj3 regarding junsu and beast in the whole melon award thing. it seriously put out nearly all my fangirling feelings; to the extent i want to drop my whole allegiance because of the subconscious connotation i will feel whenever i admit that i'm a jyj fan. why can't we all love our biases each and support all without the suspicions?
i love yoosu best to the extent i can't pick between them... but that doesn't mean i don't love jae at all. i laugh and clap anyway when he gets his chance to shine. he is a man hard to hate, as well as yoosu are.
i feel ashamed to call myself jyj fan. that's how bad things are in my pov. i think i'll gradually grow out of this fandom. i'm doing pretty well as a casual fan of multiple groups anyway, especially since i support and listen to them on the musical basis. and first step would be to weed out my DBSK-5 video collections. they just rot in my hd anyway nowadays. i still treasure jyj.
i've been having lots of fun lately irl. lots of movies- skyfall, the hobbit, twilight; lots of music- little mix, xtina, nell; and i've been rearranging life. work gets done faster, i sleep on time, and i wake up on time. i take care of myself better, i love my hair and i just need to work on my weight.
i guess i do have a life then. i guess i grew up a bit then.
i guess i can move on.
so fandom's been a shithole to be in. i'm so affected by how malicious and suspicious the comments are in jyj3 regarding junsu and beast in the whole melon award thing. it seriously put out nearly all my fangirling feelings; to the extent i want to drop my whole allegiance because of the subconscious connotation i will feel whenever i admit that i'm a jyj fan. why can't we all love our biases each and support all without the suspicions?
i love yoosu best to the extent i can't pick between them... but that doesn't mean i don't love jae at all. i laugh and clap anyway when he gets his chance to shine. he is a man hard to hate, as well as yoosu are.
i feel ashamed to call myself jyj fan. that's how bad things are in my pov. i think i'll gradually grow out of this fandom. i'm doing pretty well as a casual fan of multiple groups anyway, especially since i support and listen to them on the musical basis. and first step would be to weed out my DBSK-5 video collections. they just rot in my hd anyway nowadays. i still treasure jyj.
i've been having lots of fun lately irl. lots of movies- skyfall, the hobbit, twilight; lots of music- little mix, xtina, nell; and i've been rearranging life. work gets done faster, i sleep on time, and i wake up on time. i take care of myself better, i love my hair and i just need to work on my weight.
i guess i do have a life then. i guess i grew up a bit then.
i guess i can move on.