2012
Another year has passed by and I guess it's time, again, to dissect myself.
I'm getting the hang of this, of medical school, of learning about how to save lives. It's hard, it's confusing, it's guilt-tripping, it's chaotic, but somehow at the end of the day I feel good. That I am contributing something, no matter how small it is, to someone who needs whatever that I can give. It's not about how much I can give, it's about how sincere I am about giving.
Plenty of rule-breaking I did this year, and I'm not proud of any of it. This is a little Post-It, a reminder that I have a duty to myself and Him first and foremost to fulfill my responsibilities. I'm learning that my choices affect my actions and reflect upon myself about what kind of a person I am. Will I appear black or white? Or just plain fuzzy and blurry?
With everyone around me getting married and having kids (or buns in the oven, as a senior likes to call it as), sometimes I feel like an anomaly for being a little different. I also obsess about reading, about career, about music, about food, about travelling- as often as I obsess about being alone. Someone told me barely an hour ago that I'm always a recessive- that my opinions and traits and habits are always different compared to other people. That's good, I think. That maybe I don't bend to the same cliche conformity that the rest are subjected to. I like being different. Maybe. A little.
Bangalore is getting colder again. The rain, the wind; it's chilly. It tells me that winter is coming the next time I step onto this blessed land. The yellow and red and orange blossoms are all gone. I miss them already.
As I do every year, this time I pledge that I will definitely become a better person than before, and this time I'm well-prepped with knowledge of how I'll be screwing my life over if I don't take the big step, the big jump. It's not ideal to always be scared of your own shadow. Shadows can only follow, they are always behind us, guiding maybe, but never leading.
Funny how rebellious and irresponsible I've been this year. It makes me feel ashamed. I'm not supposed to be like this.
Oh well. Flight back home in 10-hours' time. Need to sleep.
I'm getting the hang of this, of medical school, of learning about how to save lives. It's hard, it's confusing, it's guilt-tripping, it's chaotic, but somehow at the end of the day I feel good. That I am contributing something, no matter how small it is, to someone who needs whatever that I can give. It's not about how much I can give, it's about how sincere I am about giving.
Plenty of rule-breaking I did this year, and I'm not proud of any of it. This is a little Post-It, a reminder that I have a duty to myself and Him first and foremost to fulfill my responsibilities. I'm learning that my choices affect my actions and reflect upon myself about what kind of a person I am. Will I appear black or white? Or just plain fuzzy and blurry?
With everyone around me getting married and having kids (or buns in the oven, as a senior likes to call it as), sometimes I feel like an anomaly for being a little different. I also obsess about reading, about career, about music, about food, about travelling- as often as I obsess about being alone. Someone told me barely an hour ago that I'm always a recessive- that my opinions and traits and habits are always different compared to other people. That's good, I think. That maybe I don't bend to the same cliche conformity that the rest are subjected to. I like being different. Maybe. A little.
Bangalore is getting colder again. The rain, the wind; it's chilly. It tells me that winter is coming the next time I step onto this blessed land. The yellow and red and orange blossoms are all gone. I miss them already.
As I do every year, this time I pledge that I will definitely become a better person than before, and this time I'm well-prepped with knowledge of how I'll be screwing my life over if I don't take the big step, the big jump. It's not ideal to always be scared of your own shadow. Shadows can only follow, they are always behind us, guiding maybe, but never leading.
Funny how rebellious and irresponsible I've been this year. It makes me feel ashamed. I'm not supposed to be like this.
Oh well. Flight back home in 10-hours' time. Need to sleep.