the thoughts that you get at 2am

[burningleaf]

there's many things that i grow to be afraid of as i grow older. i know it's useless to succumb to the feelings; i should figure out to fight them instead, but as time passes by, i get through them, barely scraping by, cruising just across the waters precariously, but the fear is still there, never actually gone. i tried confiding into people and it doesn't work. they say they care but they eventually grow tired of looking out for me and being the slow person that i am, i get left behind. they whizz through their journey while i try to inch my way. i tell myself that it's okay to be late, as long as i get to my destination, but inches never really added up and when i look up and see around, i'm left so far behind that i'm alone staring at nothing. ah well it's a dog-eat-dog world, i shouldn't be thinking about it too much.

i've done plenty of mistakes while trying to live, and i'm worried i will never get out of this funk. i'm tired of looking hopefully at the positive side; they make the fall hurt more when it eventually happens. but i can do this. i have to do this. i will be responsible for myself, or die trying.