Friendshps, starts, ends, Ambers, Katie and Toenee. Long but worth reading.
What I've learned...
1. You can learn a whole lot about a person based on past friends.
2. Don't look at something heartbreaking and think to yourself "Well, just another bump in the road."
3. Apply the same questions you would in a romantic relationship to a friendship. Don't ask yourself if you can live with a person, ask if you can live without them.
4. Tell your frends what they mean to you regularly.
What sparked this?
A few things...
1. Amber Sw. one of my best friends, she has a huge heart and puts what effort she can into all of her friendships. Her mom recently passed away, with that she has learned to express to her friends how she feels about them. And soon she will learn what friends are strong enough to stick it out through rough times.
2. Amber R. I saw Amber not too long ago, did the texting thing, went to the mall and whatnot. Amber always tells me I'm her best friend, she wants me to be her maid of honor, and be her photographer at her wedding...now all this is well and good, however, Amber has been distant recently what with her fiance' and all. How distant? Apparently the girl is 2 months pregnant. What does that say about a friendship? Well, how about the fact I saw the girl when she was pregnant, and I hear the news
A: On the damn internet
B: Find out someone who isn't even her friend knew before I did.
Now...just another bump in the road? Probably not. I've always told my friends there is a right and wrong way to tell someone something, if there is a problem, let me know before it blows up. Friendships are not one sided.
Why am I going to put time and effort into someone who obviously doesn't think enough of me to return the favor every once in a while? Why would I put my time and money into planning, preparation, photography, and general help into somone if they find it too dificult to pick up a phone.
I just read this whole thing over, and I think my tone via internet may be misinterpreted, I'm not angry. I'm actually being extremely calm about the whole situation.
I think part of my problem is that I like to figure things out, I always have, for me, I like to figure people out. And I've learned its quite difficult to figure something out if you cannot understand it at all. Some of the things that have happened to me with past friends I cannot put together, some things were done that I couldn't grow the balls to do to someone I don't even know, and if I had, I'd be plagued by quilt.
Here factors in the figuring part...
Do people like that have guilt?
Does their heart race before they do something so wrong?
Do they have regret? Feelings? Emotion of any kind to inpact them and their choices.
Friendship in general...
Its give and take, sometimes I do all the calling, sometimes I can't call and they do all the work.
There are times when things get hectic and none can call, but once it passes you pick up the phone and pick up right where you left off.
Sure you can have fun with friends...thats what a friend is, but a friend is also someone who sticks it out through the shit, somone who will still be there when you're in your lowest place.
Lets review my oldest and best friends, Katie and Tony...or Toenee
Toenee, He and I have watched eachother grow up over the past 11 years or so. We have had 3 hour or more phone conversations, and sometimes he calls to say "Some asshole just cut me off and I'm pissed! Just thought I'd let you know. Talk to you later." We've gone through periods in time when we didn't really talk a whole lot, but one of us will pick up the phone and act like there was never a bump in the road. Like most friendships Toenee and I have small things that only he and I understand. I love Toenee, his bizaar name changes and all.
Katie, Its hard to immagine life without Katie, because shes been in my life since I was 3 years old. Katie is my girl plain and simple, our friendship didn't really develop fully until our highschool and college years. One thing about Katie that truly shows what kind of a freiend she is, is something that some people might consider small. I was out to dinner with a friend and my debit card wouldn't run because I had bout gas for a friend and that was a "fraudulant charge" seeing as how I didn't have a car and never bought gas before. Katie was at the same place home form college and I hadn't seen her or talked to her in quite some time. After talking to her for a while I told her what happened with my card and could she please pay my check if I give her a personal check for it. With out a single pause she said yes and paid my bill. Katie never found it nessesary to bring it up as a token of "look what I did for you". Its meerly a funny story from the past. Another thing about her is although she may not always understand what I do, she never judges, I can tell her anything and I know she won't look at me like I'm some kind of half breed. Katie has never told me what to do even when I wanted her to, she always listened and shared with me her different takes on a situation and made me decide for myself. I love Katie and I always will.
Here's another thing from Katie and Toenee.
From Katie: (The honest more serious) Our friendship is unconditional. Unconditional means that love would always be there no matter what. We could kill eachothers families and granted we would talk or be friends anymore, we'd still have a love for that person that can never be removed or changed.
From Toenee: (The funny more assinine)We're untouchable, only we are great enough to allow in our lives. We are prideful and vain, but at least we understand eachother. We aren't friends with ugly people. haha.
1. You can learn a whole lot about a person based on past friends.
2. Don't look at something heartbreaking and think to yourself "Well, just another bump in the road."
3. Apply the same questions you would in a romantic relationship to a friendship. Don't ask yourself if you can live with a person, ask if you can live without them.
4. Tell your frends what they mean to you regularly.
What sparked this?
A few things...
1. Amber Sw. one of my best friends, she has a huge heart and puts what effort she can into all of her friendships. Her mom recently passed away, with that she has learned to express to her friends how she feels about them. And soon she will learn what friends are strong enough to stick it out through rough times.
2. Amber R. I saw Amber not too long ago, did the texting thing, went to the mall and whatnot. Amber always tells me I'm her best friend, she wants me to be her maid of honor, and be her photographer at her wedding...now all this is well and good, however, Amber has been distant recently what with her fiance' and all. How distant? Apparently the girl is 2 months pregnant. What does that say about a friendship? Well, how about the fact I saw the girl when she was pregnant, and I hear the news
A: On the damn internet
B: Find out someone who isn't even her friend knew before I did.
Now...just another bump in the road? Probably not. I've always told my friends there is a right and wrong way to tell someone something, if there is a problem, let me know before it blows up. Friendships are not one sided.
Why am I going to put time and effort into someone who obviously doesn't think enough of me to return the favor every once in a while? Why would I put my time and money into planning, preparation, photography, and general help into somone if they find it too dificult to pick up a phone.
I just read this whole thing over, and I think my tone via internet may be misinterpreted, I'm not angry. I'm actually being extremely calm about the whole situation.
I think part of my problem is that I like to figure things out, I always have, for me, I like to figure people out. And I've learned its quite difficult to figure something out if you cannot understand it at all. Some of the things that have happened to me with past friends I cannot put together, some things were done that I couldn't grow the balls to do to someone I don't even know, and if I had, I'd be plagued by quilt.
Here factors in the figuring part...
Do people like that have guilt?
Does their heart race before they do something so wrong?
Do they have regret? Feelings? Emotion of any kind to inpact them and their choices.
Friendship in general...
Its give and take, sometimes I do all the calling, sometimes I can't call and they do all the work.
There are times when things get hectic and none can call, but once it passes you pick up the phone and pick up right where you left off.
Sure you can have fun with friends...thats what a friend is, but a friend is also someone who sticks it out through the shit, somone who will still be there when you're in your lowest place.
Lets review my oldest and best friends, Katie and Tony...or Toenee
Toenee, He and I have watched eachother grow up over the past 11 years or so. We have had 3 hour or more phone conversations, and sometimes he calls to say "Some asshole just cut me off and I'm pissed! Just thought I'd let you know. Talk to you later." We've gone through periods in time when we didn't really talk a whole lot, but one of us will pick up the phone and act like there was never a bump in the road. Like most friendships Toenee and I have small things that only he and I understand. I love Toenee, his bizaar name changes and all.
Katie, Its hard to immagine life without Katie, because shes been in my life since I was 3 years old. Katie is my girl plain and simple, our friendship didn't really develop fully until our highschool and college years. One thing about Katie that truly shows what kind of a freiend she is, is something that some people might consider small. I was out to dinner with a friend and my debit card wouldn't run because I had bout gas for a friend and that was a "fraudulant charge" seeing as how I didn't have a car and never bought gas before. Katie was at the same place home form college and I hadn't seen her or talked to her in quite some time. After talking to her for a while I told her what happened with my card and could she please pay my check if I give her a personal check for it. With out a single pause she said yes and paid my bill. Katie never found it nessesary to bring it up as a token of "look what I did for you". Its meerly a funny story from the past. Another thing about her is although she may not always understand what I do, she never judges, I can tell her anything and I know she won't look at me like I'm some kind of half breed. Katie has never told me what to do even when I wanted her to, she always listened and shared with me her different takes on a situation and made me decide for myself. I love Katie and I always will.
Here's another thing from Katie and Toenee.
From Katie: (The honest more serious) Our friendship is unconditional. Unconditional means that love would always be there no matter what. We could kill eachothers families and granted we would talk or be friends anymore, we'd still have a love for that person that can never be removed or changed.
From Toenee: (The funny more assinine)We're untouchable, only we are great enough to allow in our lives. We are prideful and vain, but at least we understand eachother. We aren't friends with ugly people. haha.