Aug 21, 2005 11:35
It seems that everyone is sad right now. It's odd because it's at the time when I'm feeling okay and I've got my shit all sorted out... and everyone else is doing bad. I guess that means it's therapy time. And I'm free. And I give good advice. Most people that don't take my advice definitely regret it in the end and often come back to me and say so... "Man I wish I would've listened to you". So talk to me. I mean it. Doesn't matter who you are.
So I had a sort of revelation this morning. It was strange and sudden. I wasn't even thinking about anything at all when it happened. And suddenly I have no more fear. It's so strange. I was just reading and then had a thought... all is perfectly okay. And this whole fear of death thing that I've been dealing with for so long now... completely gone. I guess I just started thinking of death as sort of just another journey and it's not going to bad. And everyone has to take this journey at some point. Why would it be bad? This is SO strange to me. How does that just randomly happen? One day you're terrified... then suddenly you're just not anymore. I feel so good. So mentally aware and alert and strong. I feel like I could blow down a building.
I'm finally reaching the point I've been so wanting to reach. No fear. No being shy anymore. I'm helping people, I'm doing what I want, I'm living my life! This is so amazing. And all of these negative things and negative people and things that have just been bringing me down... people I was angry with (for good reason though) but... I just shucked it off. It's all gone. No enemies, no anger, no jealousy, no dwelling, no fear. What the hell happened? I love it. I feel so good right now. So hopeful and grateful. I'm happy.
You hear that? I'm actually HAPPY. I'm fucking happy. Have any of you ever heard me say that I was happy before? Ever? Wtf?
So school starts tomorrow. I'm even happy about that. And my film class is the highlight. Woowoo.
So I want you all to understand this and I really hope it has some sort of impact...
Life is short. Life is way too short. We're only here for so long and there's NO guarantee that there'll be a tomorrow. So don't spend this time that you're given- and it IS a gift- don't WASTE it being sad, having enemies, being angry, doing something you don't want to be doing, being shy, worrying about death, worrying about anything... especially mundane things. I've come to understand all of this and I'm finally taking my life and doing what I want with it. If you want to have a certain kind of career, fucking go for it. If you want to talk to someone random, don't be shy and just talk to them. Don't even worry about what people are going to think of you because you are really the only one that matters. And people are always around to be there and care for you, even if you don't think that's true. Be strong and be true to yourself and be safe and keep life as a sacred thing in your heart. Because it could be gone tomorrow and you'll never have experienced what you wanted to because you were so caught up in all the negative things about life. And the negative things... there's SO much more positive than negative. And all really IS full of love. Call me a hippie or call me new age. I don't care. This is really how I feel and my ultimate goal and wish for myself and for everyone around me... to live these lives that we have been given while we can. Please take this and really chew it over. Please.
Well anyway, I'm off now. I'm sure I'll update again soon. Lots of things are about to change. And I'm really excited.