What's love got to do with it?
I've been having scary thoughts. And it's probably because I've been up for 24 hours without sleep and it makes me feel funny...but anyway. My boyfriend Matt has told me that he loves me and I wasn't expecting that. Not that I'm mad about it or anything. It's just that I don't feel the same way (at least not for right now) I know that I have been in love before and the sad part is that I think that I still love him. And what if I'm not capable of ever falling in love again with anyone? What if I can only love this one person and always feel like crap every time I see them with someone else? But I do have strong feelings for Matt but will it leave to love? This is why I've been up for so long, it's got me worried sick. I just don't understand how I can have feelings for someone while I still have feelings for someone else, maybe that makes me crazy or something. But I honestly don't know what to do about any of my feelings. If I think about it for too long all I want to do is lock myself in a dark room and cry for awhile.
Plus I just can't believe that anyone would ever love me. It just seems so strange to hear someone say that who's not a friend or a relative ya know? I don't know what I did to deserve it. And I also think that I have a fear of intimacy....I've just never gotten into making out with anyone. I'm like this with everyone actually. I always feel scared and nervous no matter how many times that I've done it. This is why I know I won't have to worry about losing my virginity before I'm married. I'm just to nervous for my body to ever truly respond to anything that could even remotely lead to sex (which it wouldn't anyway) So that's a whole new thing to worry about besides my un-resolved feelings to the guy I loved and my new boyfriend. I just don't know what to do...
Plus I just can't believe that anyone would ever love me. It just seems so strange to hear someone say that who's not a friend or a relative ya know? I don't know what I did to deserve it. And I also think that I have a fear of intimacy....I've just never gotten into making out with anyone. I'm like this with everyone actually. I always feel scared and nervous no matter how many times that I've done it. This is why I know I won't have to worry about losing my virginity before I'm married. I'm just to nervous for my body to ever truly respond to anything that could even remotely lead to sex (which it wouldn't anyway) So that's a whole new thing to worry about besides my un-resolved feelings to the guy I loved and my new boyfriend. I just don't know what to do...